jmgoyder

wings and things

“I heard it on the news.”

on April 20, 2014

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I was a little taken aback today, when I went up to our little local shop to get bread, and the proprietor said how glad she was about Ming. Seeing my confusion, she said, “I heard it on the news.” I told her about the reduced charges and she said she already knew which was quite disconcerting because we didn’t hear or see anything on the news. Then she said she was annoyed that they didn’t pronounce his name correctly and I laughed because how does anyone who isn’t Scottish get ‘Ming’ out of ‘Menzies’?

Ming and I are glad we didn’t see or hear his verdict on the news although I am now wondering who did. Oh well, I’m sure small town chitchat will only give it 24 hours and will mostly be positive and there is no point wondering. I suddenly realized I have been hiding away a bit by not frequenting the local shop, butcher, post office and petrol station as much as usual. It became a little nerve-wracking after the accident because I was never sure if people would ask me questions or avoid the subject (strangely similar to how people are not sure whether or not to ask about Anthony).

Stigma, embarrassment, acceptance, humility, guilt, miscommunication, shame, empathy, bewilderment, grief and joy; all of these factors and emotions and more have bundled themselves together, over so many months now, that it is difficult to know how to untangle what has become a maze that I have found the exit to. And yet, on opening the exit door, nothing looks particularly different; the grass is still brown from a long, hot summer, the mice and rabbits continue to plague us, the car needs washing, and I am very behind with the house-hold jobs.

I never experienced any sort of anticlimax as each of the children recovered from their injuries; it was just pure joy. And yet now that the court case against Ming is over, the joy of Monday has been replaced with a sense of nothingness which is, I guess, the space of anticlimax that precedes exiting the maze.

Tomorrow, I will exit the maze, having spent one final day within its mystery. I didn’t want to stay there but I had to figure a few things out like how to cope with people’s concern or lack of, how to move on with the newfound grace, faith and compassion I am already experiencing and how to be more grateful for every single moment of every single day, and every single person – especially my brothers’ families and my mother.

Tomorrow, if someone else says, “I heard it on the news,” I will allow my soul to smile as I leave the maze.

Happy Easter.


27 responses to ““I heard it on the news.”

  1. paulaacton says:

    The one thing you can be sure of it that it will not take long for a juicer piece of gossip to replace Ming’s name on the populaces lips, head up and keep smiling xxx

  2. Perhaps it’ll be easier now the jungle drums have announced the good news. Happy Easter and exiting the maze.

  3. ksbeth says:

    happy easter to you and yours too, jules. as you head back into your place of comfort. people just are never sure how to react, like when someone’s ill, and try to fumble their way through. most have good intentions but it is always a bit awkward. here’s to your return to life.

  4. It’s maybe the best thing that happened because no one needs to ask now do they? A good way to say good-bye to the whole thing…. Diane <3

  5. Happy Easter Julie and Anthony and Ming. :)

  6. Terry says:

    I am starting to venture out although it feels uncomfortable. I have been inside for so long. Happy Easter my dear friend and to you also Ants and Ming

  7. Happy Easter dearest Julie — and I love your closing sentence — “Tomorrow, if someone else says, “I heard it on the news,” I will allow my soul to smile as I leave the maze.”

    I join you in allowing my soul to smile — makes me feel all light and giddy! :)

  8. Happy Easter Jules to you and your lovely family. It may take a little time for your universe to come back to “normal” and I know that you will get there. :D

  9. Happy Easter Julie to Ming and Anthony as well. As said by another here it won’t take long for another tidbit to replace your good news. Seems to me that it is similar to when a loved one passes, others are never sure what to say so they avoid and never look you in the eye. hugs

  10. Happy Easter Julie to all of you! HUGS
    Diana xo

  11. bulldog says:

    Well I’ve been missing but this does sound like good news and so pleased to hear that… don’t feel the need to say sterkte….

  12. Judy says:

    One thing I do, is try to take pressure off myself by eliminating all the “should’s” in my life. I sense you feel you “should” be more appreciative. Of course, you are! But feeling joy is something else. I see this as you having a bunch of bricks on your back that you’ve been carrying. A bunch fell off and now you’re shuffling the rest to get a better balance. And because the load was so heavy, you must adjust your load. You notice it’s lighter, but you’re not really free. It’s hard to look around and feel joy because of how exhausted your are from carrying that huge load all by yourself. I think now you will slowly find your strength and joy again. It takes time to balance all those bricks! xoxo

  13. susanpoozan says:

    Have a happy smiling Easter, or what’s left of it.

  14. janeslog says:

    You would not believe the number of Scottish people who pronounce the name the way it is spelt.

    I keep telling people it is Ming-iss. I get sick of correcting people! Below is some infpo on the pronunciation of the name.

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/4595228.stm

  15. tootlepedal says:

    Time for the bicycle?

  16. Excellent post. You are becoming quite a writer. :)

  17. I get why you would find yourself avoiding the local shops but thankfully there will soon be some other piece of local news that will replace the Ming. Hope you are having a great Easter and a safe one as well

  18. Beautifully written, Julie. It will soon all blow over. Hold your head high as you exit the maze. :) xx

  19. It has consumed you for months (naturally), so of course there is now a gaping hole. But you’ll get back to normality eventually, We all do :)

  20. You have the writing gift. How you communicate, how you jump from the page, how you pull me in and stir my insides, how I look to you to learn (to write, to grow), and how you invite in new friends. Feeling very privileged to be a fly on the wall as you beautifully navigate through your human moments. Happy day, Jules. <3

  21. FlaHam says:

    Julie, I was a bit surprised by you being surprised it had already made the news. In this day and age, of instantious information feeds, I am probably more amazed that Ming’s story wasn’t already broadcasted before the Judge even publicly ruled.

    I know I am late coming to the table, but I am glad this is over, I am extremely happy with the outcome as I know you are. I do hope you had a wonder Easter, and than you can now relax and get back to being the Julie I know and love. Take care, Bill

  22. A -MAZing grace. :-)

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