Such a dangerous thing to say when embarking (or trying to) on a romantic relationship.
“I love you.”
And there are so many ways of saying it:
“I love you [despite the fact that you are a selfish pig and a worm and the worst thing that ever happened to me and I hate your guts too].”
Clarification note: the stuff in the square bracketts is what might be thought but not actually spoken.
“I love you” mustn’t be said wistfully, plaintively, longingly or hesitantly. The hesitant “I love you” is something to avoid at all costs because it can produce a really loooooooooooooong pause from the recipient, or else they might suddenly have to go to the loo.
“I love you [and I know it is going to take you some time to digest this because you really are a bit thick].”
The first time I uttered these dangerous words to Anthony I was about 18 and he was 41 and I was helping him deliver a calf. In retrospect, this was probably rather bad timing. Also I couldn’t quite get the words beyond a whisper but he must have heard because he looked at me askance as the calf slipped out.
After that tentative attempt, I didn’t say “I love you” again for a year or so and then, in my 20s I couldn’t seem to stop saying it to him. But the first time he properly heard me, his face went pale, his knees quivered and his big muscly body tensed as if I had attacked him with some sort of foreign weapon.
Well, as many of you know, it all worked out. Anthony threw more “I love yous” at me than I could possibly digest before we finally got married.
And now?
Every night, when I ring him at the nursing lodge to say goodnight, it is the last thing we both say to each other.
I LOVE YOU
jmgoyder 
It should be said by any loving couple when they kiss good night as well… that’s what we do…
Thanks – tonight I am feeling a bit sad but also relieved that finally Anthony has accepted things as they are. Thank you for understanding.
I think about how things are going with you often… and pray that you have the strength to handle it… don’t know how I would be…
Okay now you are being too beautiful and making me cry (in a good way!) What you and your wife have been through is a hell of a lot worse than what we are doing. Thanks bulldog!
Charged with such meaning and meaning different things at different times in your life.
You are so right about the different times. I just told Ming I loved him and he nearly vomited (yeah one of those days!)
Wicked fellow 😀
What a beautiful story Julie — and the fact you continue to say it is a statement of how powerful that love is. Blessings.
Can you imagine that there are people out there that hardly ever share that? I dated someone once who said he never said it because his parents never said I love you. (Notice the past tense of date) I wondered recently why we don’t say it to everyone that we feel that way about, so I started to do that. You should see some of the looks I get. Don’t care! Life is too short and it makes me happy not holding it in. Take care of yourself. Love you ; )
I just rediscovered your blog and signed – so worry for having been remiss!
gut wrenching. Such a beautifully prosed blog, Julie. Thank you.
Thank YOU!
[…] morning I was reading a post by jmgoyder (https://jmgoyder.com/2012/08/23/love-story-88-saying-i-love-you/). She is quickly becoming one of the people I look for in the morning when I’m going through […]
I love Ming. But don’t tell him. (just laughed at you telling him and him nearly vomiting). This is one thing my children and I say more than we ever did before. Because now we live so far apart it is an important thing to say. Lovely page.. c
I am going to tell Ming – hehe!
that is so sweet. a true romance story for years to build upon and to have wonderful memories
I am so fortunate!
It never hurts to say it one more time.
You are so right!
You had me into tears and smile at the same time here – wonderful post … love your bittersweet love story that goes on from the past, in present and … hopefully for the future, even if it getting the future is going to became tougher.
You are such an encouragement to me Viveka – thank you!
I loved your “I love you.” Made me all mushy.
Haha – mushy – I like it!
What a fantastic read – and so heartwarming to know …. I love u julie !!!
And I LOVE YOU Robyn!
Oh, this is sweet!
Thanks!
I’ve nominated you for The Booker Award. Part of the award requires you listing your 5 favorite books and I’m really interested in seeing what they are. Thanks for writing.
http://magnoliabeginnings.org/
Ah you are in for a surprise!
I love surprises…unless ofcourse they are hairy, require being put throough college after 18 years, or involve a wedding ring! : )
Ha! Don’t worry, it’s not a hairy surprise!
ha! she knows me jules…how much more surprised can she be? lol
Those are beautifully expressed words and thoughts, Julie.After reading your blog, I just sighed a satisfied kind of sigh. Oh, how romantic! In my books, it is important to say these three words and hear them, too. Like Magnolia Beginnings I do tell my friends that I love them and hear it back from them, too. Such a risk when dating and some have not only gone to the loo, they totally disappeared. In hindsight I think “Lucky me”. LOL
I am now telling Ming to be careful with these words when it comes to girls etc!
powerful words – the first time my husband (who was my boyfriend at the time) said those words to me–they were dropped into an abyss of silence – from me – he still will not let me forget it–those words now trip off my tongue but they did not then
at our house the words “l Love you” are said often and never are they taken for granted–they are easy words for my sons and I am glad–anyway- thanks for this post – heartwarming and poignant
Thanks for your wonderful response!
It’s cool that you remember that moment. I don’t. I guess it was a non-event. ~ Rick and I talk every night and say “I love you” the last thing. A few times I have said, “Well, I hate your guts right now, but I love you.” Sounds oxymoronic, doesn’t it? 🙂
Oxymoronic is good!
One of my favorite songs says, “those three words are said too much and not enough”. So true!
Such powerful words and you capture the importance of the moment they are uttered so well. Even when the words fail, I am sure that Anthony’s eyes will still say ‘I love you.;
You are right!
You’ve been selected. For what? Hmmm, you’ll just have to come see
http://help-me-rhonda.com/2012/08/24/between-the-covers/
Any time is good…just so long as you do.
xo
R
You are in BIG trouble!
hehe…i’m here and you are not. ha! try throwing a shoe that far! dare ya
I messaged you on FB – hope that’s okay. Am about to go to bed but there is some sort of extraordinarily loud ceiling activity happening – rat olympics? I am taking our little dog to bed with me so I am safe. Ming is being brought home from a gig by a girl he has never met – oh why can’t life be a little simpler or at least minus rats? I suppose they could be possums in the ceiling – I hope so!
Yikes…hate the idea of praying for possums in lieu of rats…but I am! I sent you a message on FB too…there is one thing you need to do before I can go in there. check it in the morning and then I’ll get you all squared away. Sleep sound knowing Ming will be fine and your little dog will keep you safe!
g’night jules.
xo
Brat got home at 1am and tossed dog out.
fine, so I suppose the possom cum rat situation is now his eh? 😉
I have rung the pest control people now!
good luck…you don’t need anymore critters!
I love your timing, the calf and all…once again you write so beautifully. I’m glad your “I love you’ worked out in the end, and that even now that he is living somewhere else you find the time to say it every day.
I think I tend to oversay those words but oh well!
Jules…this is so darn true. And there are others that make me sad…like the ones who say ‘me too’ because they can’t get the words out; or the dittos. I’m like the guy Maureen dated…never heard the words myself until I married. Was so uncomfortable hearing them, they always made me blush and never QUITE believe them. It was not until I had my own children that I truly realized the POWER of those three words. A day does not go by now, where I don’t tell those I love…that I love them.
I love you [all]
R
What a great comment! I wuv you Wonda!
Unruly…you make my day. I wuv you too
Another beautiful story.
Thanks Trisha!
That is so beautiful, it truly is. I have not had one relationship, but with my son, where I have been able to say ‘I love you’. I’m talking all family, and even my ex husband. I married him because he begged & begged & begged me to, and at 19 & wanting to leave Melbourne, and he seemed a good man, well, I finally said OK then. I did tell him I didn’t love him, but he believed I did only wouldn’t admit it to myself.
So this post, it’s meaningful to me, Julie. It is beautiful last words.
I know exactly what you mean about your son – you relationship with him is unique and special. I think we are both lucky that way.
I was raised in a family were the words “I love you” come naturally and have tried to raise my girls the same way but Kathy-Lee is more distant and often finds it hard to say I love you,.
I think everyone is different and ‘I love you’ is a hard thing for many. Plus we have too few words for ‘love’ in the English language!
Wonderful story. You always come up with some delightful turn of phrase like — “as if I had attacked him with some sort of foreign weapon.”
Well that was what it was like – he blanched!
What a great movie moment that “I love you calf delivering moment” would make – very comical 🙂