Son and I just got home (it’s nearly 6pm in Western Australia) from our second day of medical appointments in Perth, to find Buttons, the weiro, dead in the toilet. As Buttons has always had plenty of water, he has never ventured into this tiny room at the end of the enclosed veranda before (the door to which is usually shut anyway – oh why did I leave it open today?)
I should have put him in his cage for the day. I should have closed the door to this little bathroom he’s never ventured into. I’m an idiot and absolutely grief-stricken by the loss of this tiniest of all our birds – but a bird with the biggest personality.
This is one of the hardest things about having birds, watching birds and loving birds – the inevitability of loss, because of their vulnerability and unpredictability. I am beginning to wonder how, and why, the incredible (and mutual) joy of the birds has been punctuated by grief over and over again for me, for us.
Yesterday and today, Son and I learned some scary things about his scoliosis surgery on the 14th. The nurse, physiotherapist, doctor, aneasthetist, respiratory specialist, radiologist etc. etc. filled us in on some of the minor details the surgeon hadn’t mentioned. For example, he will need bone from the bone bank, blood from the blood bank, his 74% curve can’t be surgically corrected to equal perfectly straight, the pain will be severe for two or three days, he might have to go into another hospital for rehab., there is a slight risk of paralysis etc. etc. All of this is fine with Son who can’t wait to be straightened but, for me, the fear lurks behind the anticipation of Son being ‘fixed’.
Son just rang Husband in the nursing lodge to tell him about our appointments today, and about Buttons.
I am going outside to put the gang away.
jmgoyder 
A shocker of a day Julie, time to put your feet up, sit back and have a wine!
Am now!
I’m so sorry about Buttons. I know I would be devistated if Monkey died. She is a cockatiel too and you’re right, they have the biggest personalities. I feel for you. Things must be all up in the air for you right now xo
I know regret is useless but why didn’t I close that stupid toilet door?
I’m so sorry. This is a dreadful time for you all, made worse by your loss.
Getting used to grief – very weird – am calmer now but it was terrible to find Buttons like that. Thanks for your thoughts, Tilly!
ash and i phoned you twice today to come see you, didnt realise you had another day of appoints in perth… so sorry to hear about buttons, your really doing it tuff at the minute. and ming being so brave……xxxxxoo
we are home tomorrow so have emailed ash – come over!
Hi Julie, what a day….. and all our thoughts to you all for the impending operation.. sometimes its good not to know all the possible risks…we will be thinking and praying for son on the 14th and also for
you and husband.
Thanks Nicky -you’re the best!
I am so sorry to hear about Buttons. It is really difficult to loose a pet, they are just another member of the family…
This morning was terrible with no whistling – grief.
I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of Buttons – I almost felt like I knew him … that is so sad.
And with any surgery, although rare, there are always risks and annoying little disclosures but it’s still completely natural to worry – that’s what we do.
Thanks Ingrid.
Sorry about Buttons. I lose my birds to hawks and stray cats. It’s almost always one of my favorites for some reason. Maybe they’re tamer? Feel more confident? Not sure. And good luck with your son’s surgery. Everything with kids can be nerve-wracking. Even the good stuff, like learning to drive.
Thanks Judith.
So sorry to hear this news Julie, so sad for you. I am sure your Son will be fine, I can imagine you and him, being anxious, but like you say, he can’t wait to get it done. Best wishes to you all, thinking about you.
Thank you very much.
“Where shall I go from your Spirit: or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend into heaven you are there: if I make my bed in the grave you are there also. If I spread out my wings towards the morning: or dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me: your right hand shall hold me.” Psalm 139 M.L.
Julie I am sorry about Buttons. On the subject of Scoliosis, my 23 yo son has a 60 degree scoliosis and keeps it under control with training in the gym (he has probably done that for about 6 years now.) If you want his comments re surgery email me and I will forward his email.
Thanks so much. We did try intensive gym work for around two years but Son’s curve continued to worsen. Now that we’ve made the difficult decision of surgery, it’s best, I think to stick with it, having tried every other non-medical method possible.
I’m so sorry. ~ Lynda
So sorry about Buttons. He sure seemed to pack a lot of personality and life into that beautiful little body.
We can never win the “what if” game. The “what if’s” are endless. Life is about love and freedom. We can only do our best at the time. You did. Hang in there.
You’re so right about ‘what ifs’ – waste of time – thank you
I am so terribly sorry to hear this, Julie
Thank you so much – it was awful.