It’s Sunday here and in a couple of hours I will go into the nursing lodge to have lunch with Husband. I haven’t seen him for a few days because I have had the flu, but we have, as usual, spoken on the phone several times a day. He has missed me terribly but has coped. I haven’t missed him as much, which seems a terrible thing to say but there you are – I’ve said it.
We have talked about this disequilibrium of the missing-you thing.
Husband: I miss you now, I miss you all the time.
Me: I miss you then, I miss the way it was when you were well.
Husband: But I can be the way I was. I’m getting better.
Me: It’s not your fault – it’s the bloody Parkinson’s. You’re not getting better, you’re getting worse – that’s why you’re here so you get proper nursing care.
Husband: I don’t want nursing care. I want you.
Me: But I can’t lift you anymore, and I can’t make you walk, and I can’t manage you during the nights.
Husband: So I am never coming home for the night again?
Me: I don’t know. What’s wrong with coming home for the days?
Husband: It isn’t enough.
Me: I know.
Husband: And where’s the kid?
Me: At another party.
Husband: Just like I used to be.
Me: Just like you used to be.
Now I realize this all sounds very poignant and sad, but it always (well, almost always) ends up in a laugh about the dancing days.
jmgoyder 
I feel you, and I understand….
Thanks CG!
It is poignant, and a bit sad, and it’s nice to hear you end up with a lighter heart….but I LOVE this picture. How long ago was this taken? I speaks volumes!
Nearly 3 years ago.
I see. He looks likes he was fun, and likely still is when he can be. It’s a great photo J.
i hear things like this to from Al. why can’t i walk fast, why can’t i drive? why do i have these tremors? why why why. it is sad
I so understand!
It’s good that you can be honest about his need for care and need to be in a nursing home. It doesn’t have to be said in a hurtful way but it’s good to be honest. If it was me in there and I said I was getting better when I really wasn’t, I’d want to be told the truth, not played as if I was not worth taking seriously. You did right.
Yes, it’s a bit of a tricky balancing act!
Laughter is so important. Dancing is too.
heartstrings tugged.
Is he wearing a flower in his hair? Silly man!
Yes – he loves frangipanis!
Lovely. I like the plumeria flower behind his ear too. ~ Lynda
I have never heard of plumeria – we call it frangipani!
Plumeria is the botanical name for it. Frangipani is the common name. I had never heard it called Frangipani! LOL! We have both learned something today. 😉
~ L
I will brag to Husband tomorrow that I know the proper name – hehe!
😉
You are such a gifted writer.( I want the secret blog). One day these passages of time that you are so wonderfully documenting will be what gets you through some of the times when you miss dancing.more than anything else.
I know without any doubts at all Jules that you will dance again. Husband too albeit his will be the angels of Parkinson that do exists. .
You’re an amazingly brave lady and one who has my devotion as your friend
Wow, thanks for sharing.
You are very welcome!
Beautiful Julie. I really love this shot of husband and son — feel like I know the entire family – and the dynamics too! He’s a sweetie 🙂 Remember the dancing days – aren’t photos amazing! I was battling to take pictures yesterday and justifying that if we don’t record the moment we have to work that much harder to hang on to the memory. They finally got it and posed for a few 🙂
~ This one is just precious of husband and son dancing !! 🙂 xo
How did it all go? I am dying to know.
yesterday was (for me) great! Today I’m skipping morning mass graduation (though she is getting an award!) and opting for the departmental graduation where I meet faculty who know her well! xo wish me luck!
I wish you HUGE luck – so wonderful you could get to some of it!!!!
So sad. My thoughts are with you and your family.
Thanks Naomi!
Dance with the man, Julie, and take a picture. Poster size. Post it in his room so he can see you.
Trouble is he is resisting pictures and stuff in his nursing lodge room because it makes him homesick – bit of a dilemma!
What to do. Yes, it’s hard to know what to do. You’re doing the best you can, I know. Texas love.
Thanks Wise one!
Must be very difficult for Husband to come to terms with the falling away of this part of his life. It’s good that you can be honest with him in a compassionate way like this. Heartbreaking 😦
Being human would be so much simpler if we could only feel one emotion at a time, but somehow, they come all jumbled up together, difficult to sort, but more meaningful because of it. Having only one emotion at a time would be sort of like going to a symphony, and hearing only one instrument play its part . . . would be pretty dull, and much less moving, and totally forgettable! ♥♥ Best to you. Janet
That’s a wonderful way of describing emotions!
It does indeed sound sad. I’m amazed though at how easily you speak to each other about these topics that are so difficult. It’s inspiring, and telling how much you love and respect each other!
I think being frank is best but sometimes I’m not sure!
It’s heartbreaking to read and sense the yearning in his words.
Yes.