This Anthonyless house has become a place of procrastination and rage and lassitude. The garden is overgrown, the house needs a sweep, the washing keeps getting rained on, and the meals don’t happen.
This Anthonyless house has lost its routine because he is no longer living here and motivating us to keep up. In very different ways, Ming and I are both in that limboland of depressed energy – he rages and I cry and, no matter how many times we climb up into the sunlight, we keep falling back down into the pit again.
Today, I was going to cook Ming a breakfast of bacon, eggs and tomatoes but, instead, I slept in.
Today, Ming was going to mow the lawns but, instead, he is playing his guitar and watching a movie in his room.
Today, I was going to visit Anthony in the nursing lodge at 11am but I’m not going in until 4pm now because …
EPIPHANY!
If I go in at 4pm with a bottle of red wine, I can emulate what we used to do every afternoon at 5pm at home; we would routinely have a pre-dinner drink. Yes! It has to be 4pm because in the nursing lodge dinner is at 5pm; there is a routine! So, if Ants and I have a drink together and a few olives at 4pm maybe he won’t get this confusion thing later in the evening after I’ve gone home. I could make this a regular routine thing that we both could look forward to!
Perhaps, if this is a regular routine, things will improve emotionally for all three of us? I don’t know. Some of my other haphazard ideas have gone to the wall – showing him my blog didn’t work, wheelchair-taxi rides home didn’t work, taking paperwork in to do with him didn’t work etc. etc.
It wouldn’t have to be every day. I haven’t been able to get in every day anyway, so it could be every second day. I could work this around picking up Ming from music school and his cow-milking schedule somehow. Yes!
I have to give the credit for this routine epiphany to Malay, our biggest and most regular cockadoodledooer! He says that routine is vitally important in terms of organizing the day.
Malay: I crow at 4am and 4pm on the dot. It keeps me sane.
Me: Okay, so how do you know what the time is?
Malay: Julie, I am a rooster!
Me: Oh sorry.
Malay: When you go in this afternoon, I will be crowing for you and Anthony. After all, you both raised me from a chick.
Me: Thanks, Malay.
This Anthonyless house is full to the brim with Anthony – roll on 4pm!
jmgoyder 
Worth a try and Malay will keep you regular 😉
Yes!
yeah whether it improves his confusion or not it sounds like it would be good for you. are you going to return to lecturing? when i first stopped seeing patients i was a bit a drift, once i started commiting to a schedule again it really helped. of course now my schedule is sort of basic, get up, take a shower, nap, get up, repeat:)
I had to resign from job (complicated) so that hasn’t helped with my routine problem. Your routine makes me stand up and shout yay!
What do you mean – your blog hasn’t worked? I think it’s great 😀
Have a lovely red wine and olives and relax with him 😉
Just about to go in – thanks Dianne!
I think this is a great idea and makes complete sense to me. Worth a shot anyway. If it helps, great, it not…next!
xo
Rhonda – it worked!
Yay. Here’s to the routine of routine!
a new routine will come about — you are are still stinging from the loss of the old one–hope your latest idea works
It worked!
I like that you do not give up and still search for ways to make Anthony feel a part of your life.
Thanks Colline! I am nearly giving up but not quite!
Good for you.
Cheers! (the sound of clinking glasses)
haha – cheers!
He looks like a very proud rooster.
Ha – he is!
Great epiphany, Julie! It’s worth a try.
It was a success, Fergiemoto – yeeha!
It was a wonderful epiphany Julie – -your fortitude and spirit is awe inspiriting. I so hope this can be a small light in your days…. a before dinner cocktail… I do like this routine! Let me know how it goes … Love your way ~ Rx
ooo – just saw your note to Fergi! A success?? YAY!!! 🙂 xo
Yes it was great!
Al reminds me at this moment of Ants. They want life to go back to the way it was, and we can not do it, fix it, smooth it over, erase it, nothing. It is hard to make someone happy when they are sad that life for them and their families have changed
So true!
Malay is wise.
Very!
Malay The Wise – can you not get some temporary help in to take care of some of the chores, Julie?
I’m looking into it but miracle of miracles the kid is mowing right now – yeeha!
Malay is very handsome!
Not as handsome as Wonderbutt!
What a great idea – routine and wine. I hope it works well!
It did and thank you!
I’m so glad! Sorry to be a damp squib, but does the wine not affect his medication?
Good point but he only has about two sips and all his meds have pretty much stopped working anyway so it’s like one of those ‘what the hell/why not?’ situation. What is a squib?
*Lifting my glass of wine* Salute!
Cheers!