jmgoyder

wings and things

Arthur

Another page of this era is crumpling because of what I have just had to do about Arthur who has worked and lived here for most of his life, milking cows for Anthony, and, after the dairy stopped, doing lawns etc. He lives in an old millhouse at the back of the garden and he loves living here but, at 70, he is now becoming too frail and can’t care for himself properly. Yesterday, the electricity to his ‘hut’ short-circuited itself for the umpteenth time (this was happening before and after the cyclone) and I finally realized and accepted that the wiring in his roof is dangerously old and that Arthur would soon need to go into care.

So I have just made the call to the wonderful people in HACC (Home and Community Care) over here and they are going to organize things and I am about to send Son over to have a chat to Arthur, to warn him. I am not sure whether to ring his family in the next town (brother and niece) because they are estranged.

When Anthony was at home he would go over at least once a day to either chat with Arthur or to yell at him to clean his hut up. They had/have a relationship spanning over 55 years. Son was very kind and patient with Arthur until Arthur began to become too hard and I began to get worried that one day I would find a corpse in that hut. And now that our Winter is beginning its blast, I am even more concerned.

So I am glad I made the call and I think Arthur will be much better off in a warm room with constant care, but I am so sad too because it is as if history is being gobbled up.

41 Comments »

Guessing game 2

47 Comments »

Guessing game

What is this?

Look carefully.

35 Comments »

Birthday boy – Baz!

Today was Anthony’s best friend’s 50th so I went into the nursing lodge and picked Anthony up to bring him to the party early, before the throng arrived, so that we could have a quiet drink with Barry (Baz).

A lot of things went wrong:

  • Anthony couldn’t walk from the car to the chair to sit down and Barry and I took awhile to get him seated;
  • Anthony started shaking and shivering immediately, so Baz gave him a red wine to help and that seemed to work;
  • Anthony had to be back at the nursing lodge by 6pm at the latest, for his pills and for dinner;
  • It took a couple of people to get Anthony back into the car to go back, by which time I was openly crying which was embarrassing;
  • Anthony squeezed my knee as I  pulled out of Baz’s driveway, but I was so distressed and disconcerted that I banged into the fence on the left, and then on the right;
  • I got Anthony back to the nursing lodge in time and went back to the party to make sure I hadn’t damaged Barry’s fences (I hadn’t – phew!)

A lot of things went right:

  • Baz liked his birthday present;
  • Ants and Baz were happy to see each other;
  • Baz’s wife, Julie, and I had a huge, wondrous, hug, as Anthony and I were leaving;
  • I have now realized that Barry’s birthday party will be the last one Anthony ever goes to.

Happy birthday Barry, and I wish so much that Anthony could have been there properly – not like this sick, old man, but like the life of the party he used to be – oh well!

42 Comments »

Pondering 2

Some people say that love never runs out but I think this might be a lot of crap (and I don’t mind debating this), because it does run out. It runs out all the time in all sorts of different situations. Sometimes it dries up from the heat of exhaustion; sometimes it trickles into other ponds; sometimes it kangaroos away; sometimes it smothers itself with toomuchness; and sometimes it simply evaporates.

Some people say that the opposite of love is not hatred but indifference and, to some extent, I understand this theory but not entirely; I have been the recipient of both and the perpetrator of both. I hate Anthony’s disease(s) and I hate those who have hurt him and both of these hatreds will never become indifference while he is alive.

Son’s attitude has altered from hatred (of Anthony’s disease, of Anthony himself, of life and circumstances in general) to indifference (again, supposedly the opposite of ‘love’). This has only happened recently and, to begin with, I was upset because, as Anthony’s wife and Son’s mother, I wanted Son to keep on loving his father, but the fact is, quite simply, he doesn’t because he can’t. And that is perfectly all right because he is only 18 and has helped me in the caring role for many years now and he deserves to soar ahead of us.

Last night on the phone to Anthony I told him that Son had a problem coping with the situation, and with him, and Anthony, always pragmatic, just said, “Give the kid a break, Jules! I love him and he loves me and we both love you more than anyone in the world.”

Some people say that love never runs out and I agree. It just gets a bit whispery.

66 Comments »

Inviolable

I love this word so much.

It signifies strength, fortitude, courage and it means you can step off the metaphorical mountain and freefall into the water and easily – very easily – swim to the shore.

Inviolable.

If I had had a daughter I would have called her Viola!

35 Comments »

When the status quo shifts

When we first got Okami and Uluru we didn’t know that, underneath all that wool, they were quite little!

Once they had been shorn (earlier this year), we got rather a shock and had to retrain our brains to see them the way they are now instead of the way they were.

I don’t like to be overtly symbolic but this is very similar to the way Husband/Anthony, Son and I have had to retrain our brains in order to tune into the ‘now’ of Anthony’s Parkinson’s disease and its associated dementia.

In many ways, this creeping dementia is okay but in other ways its evidence always gives me an alpaca-shock!

“You were pretty crazy on the phone last night,” I say to Anthony. “Are you normal again?”

“Jules, I was at this party at Kingley Park.”

“Okay, so where are you now?”

“I’m at this place, you know, the old age home. When are you coming in?”

“Tomorrow morning – is that okay?”

“Bring me some of that chocolate I like, you know the one?”

“Yes. I’ll ring you to say goodnight.”

“Well don’t make it too late because I might be in bed.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

There is something extremely comforting about these phone conversations, but also discomforting (or is the word ‘discomfiting’?). On the one hand Anthony seems comfortable and content, though lonely. On the other hand, he often sounds confused but when I see him (every couple of days now), he is always perfectly lucid and the friends and relatives who visit him say the same.

I am about to go out and feed Okami and Uluru so I will ask them. Their huge eyes are always full of gentle wisdom.

42 Comments »

Storm 2

Two days ago I went into the local town (Bunbury) to see Anthony at the nursing lodge. It had been raining and windy but I hadn’t actually heard the weather forecast so I was surprised to find tree branches all over the road as I travelled into town. At the nursing lodge, which is right near the beach, the wind was strong but not overwhelming, but 5 minutes into my visit the wind became an audible howl and I opened Anthony’s curtains so we could see. The little trees in the garden were being whipped around madly and I said I thought I better go home as one of the nurses said a big storm was coming.

“Oh sure,” Anthony said, uncharacteristically grouchy, “I’ll be an old man next time you see me.” He was walking me slowly to the exit, then he stopped and looked up at me (I am much taller than him now because of his stoop). “Oh, that’s right, I am an old man aren’t I,” and he chuckled. “That’s for sure,” I laughed.

Outside the rain began to pelt down as I leapt into the car, and my 15 kilometre trip home was hair-raising. There were trees down everywhere in all of the paddocks and the road was almost blocked here and there by trees, branches and debris. As I turned into our little country town a shed was rolling across the road this way and that and momentarily seemed to somersault towards me so I sped up, wanting to get home quickly in the hope things would be better. But when I got home it was worse – the wind was almost impossible to walk against and inside the whole house was rattling. It was about 2.30 in the afternoon so Son had gone off to the neighbours to milk the cows. I turned on the radio to hear the weather forecast and at that moment the power went out.

The weather was so wild that I was afraid to go outside and very worried about Son who soon came back saying they couldn’t milk the cows because there was no electricity. It wasn’t until around 11am yesterday that he and his boss could milk the cows with the aid of a generator for electricity. By this time, of course, many of the cows were suffering from mastitis having missed two milkings.

A few hours later the power came on again but only lasted a couple of hours which is when I wrote my posts and read a few blogs. Then it went off again and only came back some time in the middle of the night last night. Son went over to milk at 3am (it’s usually 5am) and apparently things can go back to normal with milking this afternoon at the usual 3pm.

Another storm is predicted for tonight, but here is a link to a news item. Thankfully, it seems that no person has been hurt so far.

http://au.news.yahoo.com/thewest/a/-/breaking/13917214/western-power-battles-storm-damage/

To give you an indication of the ferocity of the storm here on this little farm, one of the massive wattle trees that the peafowl and guinnea fowl sleep in has come down, some of the guttering on our roof has catapulted to the ground, there are huge branches all over the place, bits of the old washhouse have peeled off, the dogs will need psychiatric treatment and I have a new respect for electricity.

And the birds? Without exception, they have all absolutely loved every minute of this excitement and none have been injured. Oh to be a bird!

46 Comments »

The ‘now’ of before, during, after ….

I just got permission to name the wonderful surgeon who fixed Son’s spine (you need to see previous post). His name is Peter Woodland and I am trying very hard not to fall in love with him – hehe! Son took this photo from Peter’s computer at our last appointment.

And here is a picture I took today of Son’s brace-free back:

Thank you, Peter Woodland!

60 Comments »

Before, during, after ….

Those who have been reading this blog for awhile will already know the story of Son’s scoliosis and surgery, but newcomers may not, so I thought I’d do a little pictorial recap here. This is because, yesterday, Son was told that he could finally, after over three months, take his post-operative spinal brace off and leave it off for good –  YEEHA!

Before his scoliosis became so severe (it went from around a 40% curve to nearly 80% in the space of around eight months when he was 15), he was a passionate football player and had tentative dreams of pursuing football professionally. He was very good at it.

However, despite taking Son to numerous series’ of appointments with a chiropractor, physiotherapist, osteopath, kinesiologist, personal trainer and others (all of whom were wonderful and possibly prevented his scoliosis from getting even worse), the following X-ray speaks for itself. Surgery, which we hadn’t contemplated before, became a matter of inevitabilty rather than an option, so we saw a surgeon and Son was told he would have to have surgery and that he must stop playing football immediately. As this was two days before a school football trip in which Son was the star attraction (of course he wasn’t the star attraction, but I’m his mother so I like to say things like that), the devastation of this news was difficult to deal with and I will never forget Son’s sobs after that appointment.

So, on Valentines Day this year (Feb. 14 2012) Son underwent major surgery which took, I think, over eight hours and in which twelve of his vertebrae were fused, using quite a bit of titanium, and bone from the bone bank (a bit like a blood bank). I will spare you the gory details as there are plenty of youtubes on how this works. The following pictures show Son with the electrody things in his hair, the evening before surgery (we were allowed to go out for dinner!), the second is in intensive care after the surgery, the third is us mucking around and trying to be silly, and the fourth is Son a week later in the rehabilitation unit with the teddy I bought him and some gravy and chips!

And this is Son in his brace, standing 3 inches taller than he was (I kid you not!) with my mother – and another picture of him feeding the gang with some visitors.

Taking the brace off after all this time (Son had to wear it except when sleeping), has been, for him, wonderful but also a bit scary. He said today, before he went into town with his friend, “I feel a bit naked!” But, apart from that, the exhilaration of such a fantastically successful surgical outcome takes my breath away. Son is a new man!

In the next post I would like to show pictures of now, and to thank the surgeon publically, but I need to check if that is okay with him before I mention his name.

Meanwhile, Son has decided that instead of playing professional football, he will become a rock star.

And he will!

39 Comments »