jmgoyder

wings and things

Oct 25

Paranoia

by jmgoyder

King: Julie hasn’t been as attentive to us as usual. Have you noticed?
Prince: Yes I have noticed!

Frosta: Yes, I’ve noticed it too, guys, and I’m a bit hurt too, but from a female perspective, I understand that she is simply going through a blue wren phase.
Prince: What’s a blue wren?
King: Those stupid little birds that flit around our heads all day.

Parkinson’s disease, in its final stages, can lead to confusion, depression, hallucinations, delusions, moodiness, dementia, and paranoia. Ironically, some Parkinson’s medications can also have these kinds of side effects which is why it is such a difficult disease to treat. Until recently, it was Anthony’s physical debilitation that was the primary concern. Yes, hallucinations were a big problem but that was eventually improved by some changes in medication.

So the nursing lodge decision was made on the basis of his physical disabilities – immobility and incontinence (and other factors). But lately, there have been some signs of psychological problems. His confusion in the evenings has become a constant and his depression too, and  last week I blogged about his uncharacteristic anger with me. Today, when Ming and I visited, he was different again. He had a strange, suspicious expression in eyes (eyes which are so difficult to read now) and he began a mumbled diatribe about the nurse who had showered him this morning, saying that she had kicked his foot and hurt him. He even used a few insulting expletives so I left Ming with him out in the sunshine and went in to talk to the head nurse.

This is only the second time I have raised an issue. The first was last week when I told her that his anger with me was a new thing, and today, without going into exactly what he had said, I mentioned that he seemed to have something against the nurse who showered him this morning. I admitted that I didn’t know if he was delusional or if she had actually been a bit ungentle with him and emphasized that his complaining was, like this new anger, uncharacteristic. She said she would look into things tactfully and we both agreed that it may be a new symptom of his PDD. I said I would see his doctor asap to see if his meds. could be altered (for the millionth time) to address this new out-of-character behaviour.

She said that he was occasionally a bit rude and nasty to staff, especially if their ethnicity didn’t match his and I was a bit shocked and reassured her that this, too, was completely out of character. She patted me on the back and Ming and I came home a little stunned by this rather rapid change in Anthony’s personality. The other thing that has been happening lately is that he has begun accusing me of having a boyfriend (which, of course, I don’t!) and previously he was never the jealous type.

I hope we can do something about this because it is very worrying. I mean if he is nasty to the staff they are hardly going to love him are they. So this is a real dilemma in terms of his care.

Animal Family Wings

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Jul 1

Dreaming hallucinations

by jmgoyder

Until last night it has been difficult for me to imagine experiencing the kind of hallucinations which are part of Anthony’s Parkinson’s disease. He will often see people in empty chairs and even talk to them. Sometimes those people are us – Ming and me – but sometimes  they are strangers, often children. Sometimes he sees animals in the house or in his room at the nursing lodge – dogs and calves mostly.

Over the last few years some of the hallucinations repeated themselves and were frightening – men chopping down his favourite tree, the girl with the bleeding eye, trespassers taking over the dairy – but most have been tolerable and sometimes even comforting. Now, for instance, Anthony often thinks Ming is in the room with us even if he isn’t.

If, on the phone, Anthony says something that indicates he is hallucinating – in the evenings, for instance, he now almost always thinks he is at some sort of party in a mansion somewhere – I either go along with it or suggest he might be hallucinating. I only do the latter if he seems distressed.

Last night I had a vivid dream that has given me an insight into what hallucinations feel like and it was very frightening. In the dream, Anthony, Ming and I were all home and we had a lot of visitors. Anthony wasn’t ill and he was out chopping wood for a fire. I was the one who was ill and all the visitors kept saying I should go back to bed, but I wanted to be up and about. I was standing in the kitchen just as Anthony came in the front door with a big bundle of wood in his arms, then I turned towards the back door and there was another Anthony, in different clothes, with a bucket of wood. I turned around, confused, to see that the first Anthony was still in the hallway, then turned around to see that the second Anthony was now entering the back door. I kept telling the visitors that there were two Anthonys and they thought I was joking around. Finally, one of the visitors believed me and was alarmed and kept reassuring me that there was only one Anthony, but I could still see two – one to my left and one to my right. Neither of the Anthonys spoke, so I didn’t know which one was real.

The dream went on to another scene where I was at the doctor’s and he was about to tell me what was wrong with me – then I woke up. I can still feel the fear I felt in the dream – that I was losing my mind. I hope Anthony doesn’t feel as frightened as I did in the dream. I’m going to tell him and see what he thinks. Knowing him, he will probably laugh his head off!

Family Friendship

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Nov 20

Is that an emu over there?

by jmgoyder

One of Husband’s Parkinson’s disease symptoms is hallucinations. Mostly these are not disturbing and they often feature animals, due to his farming background. So he might see a bull on top of the chest of drawers, or dogs in the corner of the bedroom. It happens outside too; he’ll see livestock grazing in the flower bed; and wild cats on top of the washhouse roof (well, we did used to throw food to them up there!)

It’s as if his memory wants to fill his present (now devoid of so much) with his past (a successful, thriving dairy farmer), and his imagination wants to fill empty spaces with activity, life, movement, animals.

I have become so used to saying “No” when Husband asks questions like, “is that a calf at the end of the bed?” that he and I frequently get the giggles.

I was a bit worried that the birds might trigger even more hallucinations, but, because there are now so many birds, of so many varieties, they seem to have somehow crowded out all of the imagined creatures. Sure, the medication helps, but I give most of the credit to the birds.

Anyway, I didn’t tell Husband or Son about Emery the emu chick. I just brought him home one afternoon and put him in the greenhouse with the Bubbles and the other little ones and in the morning I let them all out to free-range. It wasn’t until the next afternoon, after I’d put Emery and the Bubbles etc. back into the greenhouse for the night that Son spotted him through the glass partition.

“What the hell is that?” he said, his face thunderous, “that better not be an emu!”

“Of course not! One of the Bubbles has just had this amazing growth spurt.” I attempted a smile but it didn’t work.

Son shook his head and turned to go back to the house.

“Don’t tell Dad,” I said, “I want it to be a surprise.”

It was three days before Husband noticed Emery, who had become part of what I called ‘the gang’ – all the baby chicks. Anyway, it was late afternoon and we were sitting outside having a drink when Husband said, “Jules, I think I’m seeing things again. Is that an emu over there?”

Oh what a fantastic thing it was to be able to say, “Yes!”

Note: Even though this is Australia, it is not all that common to have emus as pets.

Wings

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