jmgoyder

wings and things

Dec 4

No such thing as normal

by jmgoyder

I have always found the concept of ‘normal’ problematic. As a child I was obsessively anxious that I might be abnormal and would constantly ask my mother, “Am I normal?” She would always reassure me but I still had my doubts.

As an adult I eschew the notion of normal. It is such a bland, boring word and it hardly ever makes sense on its own. Without context, cultural and social, it is a vacuous concept. Quite frankly I don’t like it and it doesn’t like me.

I’m not alone here am I. But normal rules doesn’t it. It boxes you in with its perfect corners. But ‘abnormal’ isn’t a very pleasant word either so it is a dilemma for children when they are measured on such a continuum with nothing in the middle. The pressure to be normal or the same as everyone else is a ferocious pressure and can torture the child/person who struggles with not being able to fit into the box.

If you are not normal in the stereotypical way, you are not abnormal, you are just different, unique, original, maybe a bit eccentric even. So what.

If you are ‘normal’ well good on you!

I’ve always embraced Ming’s various idiosyncracies. When his pre-school teacher informed me, in serious tones, that he didn’t conform, I pretended to be concerned but was secretly thinking ‘yay!’ Hell, he was only 4! When he couldn’t grip his pencil in the normal way, a psychologist was brought in to see him at the school. Again, I pretended concern but secretly thought ‘does this really matter?’ He was only 7!

Now, however, I struggle with whether it is normal for an 18-year-old boy/man to emotionally detach from his father. I have allowed this to happen because my only other choice was to force guilt on him. It has been heartbreaking to watch this transition from compassionate to dispassionate son. 15-year-old Ming said to the doctor “we will never put Dad in a nursing home!” with his eyes full of tears. 18-year-old Ming doesn’t even want to see Anthony anymore. “It’s not Dad now,” he reasons.

I bought one of those mini photo scanners the other day. My plan is to scan the best of hundreds of photos of Ants and Ming that I took over the years of Ming growing up.  I will then organize these into a photo book for each of them for Christmas.

Last night I asked Ming, “Can you reconjure any compassion at all?” and he said, “No, Mum, but I can pretend.”

That is enough. That is normal enough.

Animal Family LOVE STORY

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Nov 23

Admittance fee: One lettuce please

by jmgoyder

The birds have brought us so much joy over the months that a lot of our friends have begun to bring their friends to see them – people of all ages. Even a couple of the breeders I bought from have been curious to see how tame these birds have become and how happy they are.

So as the word got around about our birds, I was struck with a brilliant idea, half entrepeunerial and half philanthropic. I would invite groups of primary school children and groups of nursing home residents for a fee. Not only would this bring the young and old together, I might even get rich!

As the plan unfolded I set up some picnic tables, enquired as to the cost of portable toilets, and decided to make it a BYO arrangement so as not to have to serve food or drinks. I envisioned this as a weekly event, very casual and layback. Even Husband and Son both approved (highly unusual to get ‘permission’ from both of them for a new idea!)

I only had one thing left to check and that was the ‘just-in-case-something-happens’ insurance – indemnity insturance. Initially, I was told that we were already covered for this, so I started planning flyers and invitations, making lists and contacting teachers and registrars who I already knew.

I was so excited! Then, just as I was about to plan the first of these occasions, the phone rang and it was our insurers who broke the news that due to the presence of children and of the elderly, all sorts of terrible things might happen so the insurance would cost at least $4,000AUS per year.

Oh well I’ll just have to go back to what we were already doing, which was to welcome visitors and friends any time but I think I’ll start charging from now on – one lettuce per person.

Wings

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