jmgoyder

wings and things

Nov 25

Guinnea fowl blockades?

by jmgoyder

The reason this turkeyish creature looks so lost and alone is because it is a guinnea fowl and it has temporarily misplaced its group of other guinnea fowl. The other reason it looks so lost and alone is because it has a very small brain and, possibly, very poor eyesight too, because the rest of the guinneas are less than a metre outside the frame of this photo.

But these were the birds that Husband first chose to add a bit of aesthetic interest to our garden and to our lives and, yes, I like them too, but, of all the birds, they are the least approachable, the most noisy and the stupidest. A good example of the latter is that if anyone is driving up (or down) the driveway and the guinneas are pecking away at the gravel, no amount of tooting the horn, or revving the engine, will get them to move. They might come up to the front of your vehicle and stare absently at the licence plate, perhaps nibble a few dead bugs off the fenders but they will NOT get out of the way!

Some mornings, I actually have to get out of the car or the ute and shoo them away before I can even get to the front gate to go to the local shop to get the newspaper, milk and fresh bread.

I try to love these guinneas as much as I love the other birds, but it’s hard because they are so thick! And they don’t love me back the way the other birds do; they just glance at me occasionally. Their indifference to me is quite hurtful.

“But they look so lovely on the lawns, Jules,” Husband says fondly (not fondly to me, fondly of them). This is usually when I go in and grab a wine before I trudge back down the long, long driveway to fetch the vehicle that the guinneas have once against trapped. Argh!

On the other hand, it’s just occurred to me that, as a group, they might be quite useful to the police if a blockade were required to deter a runaway criminal. Yes – this could work. I’ll ring the cops now and see what they think. We have 15 guinneas so they could probably do it in shifts of five.

I guess I better check with Husband first; he might not approve.

Wings

7 Comments »
Nov 24

Filofaxes versus ‘fictofacts’

by jmgoyder

Okay, I just received my first really negative comment and guess who it was from? Son. He was furious about the ‘love/hate’ post (see comments) because he didn’t think it was exactly accurate and he didn’t like being portrayed that way. I pointed out to him that I had to disguise some of the people in the incident described in order to protect their anonymity.

“But what about my anonymity?” he yelled, “and what if your readers now think all your stories are made up?” Then, stomping off, “I’m not the wimp in that story!”

“Look, this is the first story I’ve slightly altered, okay? I won’t do it again without admitting to the readers.”

“And leave me out of the blog from now on, Mum,” he said more gently.

“Okay,” I said as one of the cocks crowed.

Note: As mentioned before, I taught English and Creative Writing for years and that whole truth/fiction conundrum used to spark a lot of debate. One thing I’ve decided is that if you are going to fabricate a story a little, it is much more honest and sincere to admit that, than simply to pretend it’s 100% accurate.

Well, what do you think?

Uncategorized

7 Comments »
Nov 24

The unusual ‘bird’

by jmgoyder

The expression on this man’s face bears a striking resemblance to that of an old friend of Husband’s who recently dropped in to visit us, after I asked him if he wanted to come out and see the birds.

He didn’t know I’d seen his grimace and at first I thought he might have been coming down with a migraine or something.

“Are you okay?” I asked, leading him out the door, “the birds will relax you.”

But halfway across the back lawn, he stopped abruptly and, with barely disguised irritation, said, “Do I have to see the birds today? I did see them last time, remember?”

“Yeah and you should see how big the geese have grown!” I enthused, but his expression hardened and I suddenly saw myself very clearly from his perspective.

Oh, how embarrassing!

I would have to stop assuming everybody was interested in the birds, and I vividly recollected having to suffer a seemingly endless tour of someone’s poultry breeding farm once when I only wanted to buy a few chickens.

“I’ve actually come to visit you two, if that’s all right,” the friend said. His voice softened as he saw the look of mortification on my face, but then we both started laughing and couldn’t stop until we reached the kitchen where Husband sat waiting for the kettle to boil.

“What’s so funny?”

“You have a very unusual ‘bird’ here,” our friend said, glancing pointedly at me.

Husband put his arm around me. “Mmmm,” he grinned.

Wings

10 Comments »
Nov 23

Admittance fee: One lettuce please

by jmgoyder

The birds have brought us so much joy over the months that a lot of our friends have begun to bring their friends to see them – people of all ages. Even a couple of the breeders I bought from have been curious to see how tame these birds have become and how happy they are.

So as the word got around about our birds, I was struck with a brilliant idea, half entrepeunerial and half philanthropic. I would invite groups of primary school children and groups of nursing home residents for a fee. Not only would this bring the young and old together, I might even get rich!

As the plan unfolded I set up some picnic tables, enquired as to the cost of portable toilets, and decided to make it a BYO arrangement so as not to have to serve food or drinks. I envisioned this as a weekly event, very casual and layback. Even Husband and Son both approved (highly unusual to get ‘permission’ from both of them for a new idea!)

I only had one thing left to check and that was the ‘just-in-case-something-happens’ insurance – indemnity insturance. Initially, I was told that we were already covered for this, so I started planning flyers and invitations, making lists and contacting teachers and registrars who I already knew.

I was so excited! Then, just as I was about to plan the first of these occasions, the phone rang and it was our insurers who broke the news that due to the presence of children and of the elderly, all sorts of terrible things might happen so the insurance would cost at least $4,000AUS per year.

Oh well I’ll just have to go back to what we were already doing, which was to welcome visitors and friends any time but I think I’ll start charging from now on – one lettuce per person.

Wings

8 Comments »
Nov 22

Flying on and away

by jmgoyder

I realise that to many people grieving over the death of a bird may seem ridiculous or trivial and that, compared to losing a human companion – a child, friend, spouse, sibling, partner – it may even seem a little ‘wrong’.

That, being said, the discovery of Emery’s corpse (fox attack) at the side of a laneway in the back paddock today has been a terrible blow and the fact that Emerytwo and Emerytoo are still missing probably means that they are dead too. You see, unlike most of our other birds, emus can’t fly – they can’t fly to safety.

I will only post about the Emerys again if the latter two turn up, but I know they won’t because they would have by now. So, another lesson in loss.

One of the most beautiful gestures I have ever seen at a relative’s funeral was when the two adult sons, having delivered the eulogy, said goodbye to their father by leaving the podium and simulating flight; they raised their arms up and down, like wings, until they got back to their seats.

You can fly now, my three Emerys.

Wings

13 Comments »
Nov 22

Emerytwo and Emerytoo

by jmgoyder

A few weeks ago I spotted an advertisement for two emu chicks and, thinking Emery might like a bit of emu company, I didn’t hesitate.

Well, Emery was intrigued and delighted. Apart from being a little bigger than the other two, they were all identical so I called the new chicks Emerytwo and Emerytoo; it seemed easier that way.

I didn’t mention them yesterday when I was so worried about Emery because, for some reason I thought if I put their disappearance into words, I would lose hope.

So, before losing hope, I will describe the delight of watching the three emus do laps around the garden. They are very fast, and sprint in a zig-zag fashion with their knees turned in, often bumping quite hard into things, including Godfrey, which doesn’t go down too well (but I think Emery does this on purpose!) If they lose each other even for a moment, they make this soft, whistling noise until they find each other again. After the sprinting they then plop down on the ground abruptly, legs stretched out the front, grab a bit of lettuce from my hand then they’re up and off again.

Maybe they’ve just decided to perfect their sprinting in a bigger area than our garden and have ventured into one of the paddocks surrounding us to practise for the Emu Olympics?

We have searched everywhere….

Wings

9 Comments »
Nov 21

Emery has disappeared

by jmgoyder

I am so worried. Son went to put him in the yard with the gang late this afternoon and he wasn’t around which is unusual.

It’s dark now so all we can do is wait and hope that he comes back later tonight or tomorrow morning for the breakfast lettuce treat.

Please come back Emery.

Wings

10 Comments »
Nov 21

King peacock

by jmgoyder

We only have one adult peacock who we call King. I bought him and his ‘wife’ from some people who wanted goats instead (I haven’t quite been able to figure that one out but then again I did have my pig phase didn’t I). King spends his days strutting around looking regal, or perched on top of the old dairy roof surveying his kingdom. Our other 15 peacocks are adolescents and they keep their distance, as if in awe.

 When we have visitors, everyone always wants to see King do his fantail thing but he will not be coerced even if I give him a bit of bribery bread.

Inevitably, the moment the visitors leave, and I’m the only human witness, he begins his dance. It starts with a rustling sound, then his whole body shakes, then the feathers come up and he circles slowly. He can maintain this dance for up to an hour, especially if he can see himself in the reflection of a window (so he is often blocking the back door and I have to stroke his feathers down to get past!)

As you can see he is also quite proud of his substantial bum! The funniest thing about this ritual, however, is that instead of all the young females (the peahens)  watching and waiting, hoping they’ll be the first he asks to dance, it’s the young males who are most impressed. From a respectful distance, they attempt to copy his every move. It’s both beautiful and hilarious!

Wings

12 Comments »
Nov 20

Is that an emu over there?

by jmgoyder

One of Husband’s Parkinson’s disease symptoms is hallucinations. Mostly these are not disturbing and they often feature animals, due to his farming background. So he might see a bull on top of the chest of drawers, or dogs in the corner of the bedroom. It happens outside too; he’ll see livestock grazing in the flower bed; and wild cats on top of the washhouse roof (well, we did used to throw food to them up there!)

It’s as if his memory wants to fill his present (now devoid of so much) with his past (a successful, thriving dairy farmer), and his imagination wants to fill empty spaces with activity, life, movement, animals.

I have become so used to saying “No” when Husband asks questions like, “is that a calf at the end of the bed?” that he and I frequently get the giggles.

I was a bit worried that the birds might trigger even more hallucinations, but, because there are now so many birds, of so many varieties, they seem to have somehow crowded out all of the imagined creatures. Sure, the medication helps, but I give most of the credit to the birds.

Anyway, I didn’t tell Husband or Son about Emery the emu chick. I just brought him home one afternoon and put him in the greenhouse with the Bubbles and the other little ones and in the morning I let them all out to free-range. It wasn’t until the next afternoon, after I’d put Emery and the Bubbles etc. back into the greenhouse for the night that Son spotted him through the glass partition.

“What the hell is that?” he said, his face thunderous, “that better not be an emu!”

“Of course not! One of the Bubbles has just had this amazing growth spurt.” I attempted a smile but it didn’t work.

Son shook his head and turned to go back to the house.

“Don’t tell Dad,” I said, “I want it to be a surprise.”

It was three days before Husband noticed Emery, who had become part of what I called ‘the gang’ – all the baby chicks. Anyway, it was late afternoon and we were sitting outside having a drink when Husband said, “Jules, I think I’m seeing things again. Is that an emu over there?”

Oh what a fantastic thing it was to be able to say, “Yes!”

Note: Even though this is Australia, it is not all that common to have emus as pets.

Wings

10 Comments »
Nov 19

A love/hate relationship

by jmgoyder

“You’ve drawn the line now, haven’t you, Mum?” Son said on the way home from school.

“What line?” I asked innocently.

“The bird line – no more birds, okay.”

“You’re probably right.” I didn’t dare mention that while he was school, Husband and I had gone to pick up the four new turkey chicks.

“It’s just that all you do is talk birds, birds, birds and I want to talk about life.” Son is a bit of a philosopher and he particularly likes talking about his innermost thoughts.

“So how was Life today?”

“Yeah, well I gave that emo girl – you know the one who’s always depressed – my cherry ripe and she just chucked it on the ground and stepped on it and she and all her gang started laughing.” His voice broke and when I glanced at him tears were creeping out of his eyes so I pulled the car into a petrol station, my heart rolling over.

“So what did you do?”

“I just walked away but the headmaster was going past and told me off for littering.” By now, Son was beginning to chuckle.

“Why’d you give her the cherry ripe anyway?” I asked.

“To cheer her up.”

“Well, you did make her laugh!”

“Yeah, it’s the first time I’ve ever seen her teeth – kind of fangy, but nice. She should’ve auditioned for Twilight.” We both cracked up and I started the car again.

After a moment, Son said, “Thanks, Mum, you can talk about the birds now if you want.”

My heart did another roll, this time of panic. What if he discovered the turkeys today? They were safely hidden in the greenhouse where I often put the young birds to start with. There was no reason Son would go in there was there?

Alas, he did discover them but it wasn’t what I expected!

Note: Occasionally the anecdotes in this post will use a bit of poetic licence in order to protect the privacy of individuals who may recognise themselves and be embarrassed.

Wings

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