Long ago, when I was a nurse, I worked for several years at a hostel for multi-handicapped people, in Perth, Western Australia. Even though this job was initially extremely confronting due to the severity of the various disabilities suffered by the residents in this hostel, I loved working there. However, one of the most challenging situations was caring for those people who were ‘tactile defensive’, who didn’t like to be touched. Zac was one of those people. He was eight years old, blind, deaf, could only walk with assistance and (supposedly) ‘mentally retarded’. He spend most of the day rocking, groaning, gnawing his hands and headbanging and, yes, he hated to be touched. Feeding, bathing, dressing him, putting his protective helmet on and bandaging his hands, was not a job for the faint-hearted because he would lash out and scream despite our gentleness with him. I don’t think I have ever come across a person or situation more heartbreaking. His family never visited because I think they just found it too hard.
The description, ‘tactile defensive’ has never left me and, in terms of the birds, it is the peafowl who most remind me of Zac because, even though they are not disabled, they hate to be touched. I can pat all of ‘the gang’ (the chickens, ducks, geese and turkeys) but not the peacocks and peahens. The weird thing is that the peafowl will happily touch me – peck at my hands for bread, peck at my knees for bread, peck at my toes for bread – but if I reach out to pat them, they let out little yelps and back away.
I have a healthy respect for those who are ‘tactile defensive’, so when Queenie (our oldest female) stepped on my foot as I was distributing bread this morning, I patted her back without thinking and she let me! Mind you, it was only one quick pat and she stood back and looked at me quizzically, as if we had both entered a parallel universe!
Once, Zac, quieter than usual, reached out and touched my hand with his wounded fist. As usual, the bandages had come off. I held his bruised and bloodied hand in mine for around five seconds and he stopped rocking and raised his face to ‘look’ at me with his blind eyes. Every time I am able to pat a peacock, I will think of that moment with Zac.
jmgoyder 
Hi,
A very sad story about Zac.
But that has to be good news that you were able to at least touch Queenie, even though it was only for a second, you never know Queenie may begin to like to be patted every now and then in time. 😀
You never know! She’s been a bit wary of me ever since the pat!
Humans and (other) animals are not so different after all.
That is so true!
how cool for you to reach both of them, just by being you. Lucky them
Lucky me!
That’s such a lovely moment you shared about Zac. I’m glad he and you had at least one.
As for your birds, they remind me of my fussy Kitty. She’s mellowing in her middle age, but as a younger cat, she always seemed to be be thinking, “I can touch you, but you can’t touch me.” She hissed at me a lot and sometimes flung herself at me with her claws out. She would sit on opposite ends of furniture and look at me from afar. Ever since I separated from my ex, she’s slowly inched closer, sometimes sitting on my lap. It’s awfully nice.
What a lovely story about Kitty! Thank you.
Such a nice entry!
Thanks Paul!
Now I have a phrase to describe my cat’s behavior. She’ll let me brush her, and will come lay on me in bed, but if I try to pick her up,you’d think I had murder on my mind. And we do not touch her paws – ever!
So interesting, these commonalities between human and animal.
I love the similarities and differences! How come your cat doesn’t like her paws touched?
Don’t know. I guess you’d have to ask her. She might tell you….
I love the way animals, like humans, have their individual foibles. We had a dog once who was afraid of breeze – yeah, go figure! If the wind was against his nostrils he would whimper and we will never know why!
Yes, very sad to read about Zac – do we ever know whether young children in this type of situation are tactile defensive because of the feeling (of being touched) ie their nerve endings being super sensitive.
(I have Fibromyalgia, which is thought to be associated with the wrong message between the brain and nerve endings in terms of pain).
Or are children like Zac defensive because they are mentally retarded and blind and can’t understand or see exactly what/who is doing the ‘touching’ and react (due to fear of the unknown).
I ask because, I looked after a newborn baby for the first year of his life and used to give him a massage after his evening bath, and as he grew older, his mother (a Doctor), said that he was extremely tactile and openly affectionate to nearly everyone.
Do you know if Zac was cuddled & hugged like a normal baby, or kept at a distance due to his multi-handicap/disabilities? Do you know what age he was put in the hostel?
(I went on to study Aromatherapy and Massage formally a few years later, I might add).
Unfortunately, I don’t know anything about Zac’s earlier years because, as an enrolled nurse, I wasn’t privy to any of that information but you do raise some pertinent questions. According to hearsay at the time he was ‘difficult’ from the time of his birth but who knows. Your Fibromyalgia condition sheds a bit of light but must be awful for you – you are a hero!
Very strong story Julie. You’re an exceptional woman that I admire. I mean it!
Thanks – I feel very weak mostly!
Very touching.
That’s a clever pun!
Oh my goodness. I didn’t realize I was writing a potential pun when I posted my comment. The story sincerely touched and moved me, and I meant my comment in the most respectful way.
I was just being funny, not serious. I loved your comment!
A beautiful piece of writing which achieves what all good writing should do – it reaches the audience and makes them connect, compare, analyse their own experiences to make sense of the world – thanks once again for sharing.
You are too generous! Thank you!
What a sweet, moving, piece of writing! Lovely!
Thanks – my goal for this next week is to just write funny stuff!
Absolutely lovely story – humorous and touching! Love the imagery you evoke – brings the anmials’ (and human’s) quirkiness to life 🙂
Thanks Ivy!
Moving story. Sad, yet hopeful in that some connection is wanted and being made even when the person or animal tactilely defensive.
BTW – You mention before but I couldn’t find the post… What is the title of your book and is it available in the US?
It’s called We’ll Be Married in Fremantle – if you google it, it should be orderable somehow. Sorry not to be more help here – it was published over 10 years ago now!
Your writing today, and the responses to it, encouraged me to look for your book. It is available through several sources here, and one online as an e-book for about $10.00. The synopsis sounds wonderful, and along the vein in which you story-tell here. I look forward to reading it soon. ~ Lynda
http://www.ebooks.com/119809/we-ll-be-married-in-fremantle/goyder-julie/
Wow – thanks!