Husband and I have been married nearly 20 years – our 19th anniversary is coming up soon but we both always forget about it and my mum inevitably reminds us with a phonecall! Anyway, for most of those years of marriage, he has been an anchor for my flightiness, so I find it a little strange now to be his anchor, when I don’t feel anchored myself.
He is home now. It was supposed to be for one night but yesterday afternoon, despite my intentions to keep this ‘visit’ upbeat, he and I both became emotional and I rang the nursing lodge to say he would be staying home an extra night. His sigh of relief made the difficulty of this extra night worth it, but, because, like the first night, it was a difficult night of getting up and down, we have both realized that the nursing lodge was a good decision.
As usual, we were very honest with each other and Son’s occasional interjections were bitingly honest: “Dad, Mum and I can’t look after you as well as they do in the nursing lodge – can’t you see that?” He added a few adolescent expletives to emphasize his opinion which we forgave him because, after all, he is still trapped in his back splint and can’t help me tend to Husband.
The guilt associated with having to ‘place’ the love of your life into care, despite that person’s agreement to do so, is something difficult to describe. So many friends have expressed to me how terrible this felt for them in terms of their parents, and their empathy and commiserations are much appreciated. However, what many people forget is that Husband is not my parent – he is my husband. It even took awhile for the nursing staff at the lodge to realize this because he is 23 years older than I am, so it was assumed that I was his doting daughter! This kind of mistaken identity thing has happened many times over the years and is a source of much hilarity – well, it used to be!
Five weeks ago, while Son was in intensive care, I took this photo from my hotel balcony in Perth. I was actually trying to get a picture of the elusive swans!
jmgoyder 
Blessings to you, I hope things start looking up soon!
Thanks! I’m about to get Husband up since it’s nearly noon – I am going to cook eggs and bacon (wish we had that already-cooked bacon here!)
You are very brave to go through this with such a positive attitude.
Thanks but I don’t feel brave at all!
Being single, I can only imagine the difficulty you had with placing your Husband (dear Friend and Partner in Life) into a nursing home.
And being single, I can only imagine the pain you, your Son and your Husband are all feeling as each day goes by.
Just know that we all, strangers on the internet and across the miles, are thinking of you and wishing you peace and calm (at this difficult time in your lives).
You are such a lovely person even though I only know you via this medium. Thank you so much Vicki!
Not an easy part to play jm. It is so obvious that you are indeed the anchor now, and although the challenge is beyond anything you could have envisioned 19 years ago when you took your marriage vows, you are clearly a strong and loving woman doing the very best she possibly can.
Sometimes I wonder why some of us have such challenge to face in this lifetime…but there must be some meaning and reason beyond what we can comprehend. Will be keeping you and your son and hubby in my thoughts and prayers. One day at a time is usually the best strategy for me… maybe for you as well! Sending Love your way…RL
What a beautiful person you are – thank you!
What a truly wonderful wife/partner you are. Truly living the meaning of family and devotion. Firstly, the photo is absolute joy, but the words – a precious togetherness. Good luck to you both, and here’s to his health.
You are too generous as I am definitely not wonderful and, if you knew me, you would know how impatient I am with this and that!!! On the other hand, I am grateful for your comment because it makes me feel that maybe I am a little bit wonderful. Many many many thanks!
You are each other’s anchor! Very lovely! The photo of the “anchor” seems synchronistic.
Yes, I was a bit worried that the anchor wasn’t an anchor and was something else and I might get corrected but yes it is an anchor and symbolic – thanks so much for your comment! BTW I absolutely love your blog and your photos and your poems.
Juli,
Your emotional journey from the trauma of loss follows the suggested stages of response to grief, which are numbness, bargening, anger inwards(depression) anger outwards towards the situation and participants and finally the slow emergence of acceptance. Remember possible in any order, except for acceptance which comes with healing growth. You have begun the journey of healing acceptance.
God bless.
Dan.
Thanks so much, Dan
I’m interested that you say these stages can be in ‘any order’ – that makes a lot of sense because sometimes there is that back-and-forth thing and I feel I am going the wrong way! Good to know you think the acceptance has begun because I know you know well how it all works.
I think of you guys a lot – we will have to make a bird-date!
Love Julie
Congratulations on making a marriage that endures through tribulation with deep love and honesty – not too many do
Thank you – it took the two of us to tango!
I bet if you asked him, your husband would say you were always his anchor. Just not in a weighty hold you down kind of way.
I guess … I will ask him – hehe!