jmgoyder

wings and things

Teaspoons and anger management

on March 27, 2012

Son is, understandably, having a few problems with anger. His dad is in a nursing lodge, he himself is in a back brace and can’t do much for awhile, and his mother (me) always leaves the teaspoon, that she stirs her morning coffee with, on the kitchen table, making a little mark that needs to be wiped off with a sponge.

Yes, the teaspoon situation is very like the toothpaste lid on/off problem that apparently drives many previously happy couples, friends, partners etc. either to drink, divorce or dissolution – or all three!

So, why do I do this teaspoon thing? Usually I am not provocative, feisty, rebellious, contrary or uncooperative. Usually I would do anything to keep the peace but, for some perverse reason, the fact that leaving the teaspoon on the table enrages Son (he can be a bit of a neat freak, just like Husband), keeps me doing it. In fact, I now make it my job to leave that teaspoon right in the centre of the nice clean white table just to see what will happen. It’s the closest I have been to adventure for some time.

Sometimes it takes awhile for Son to notice. I’ll be out in my little office writing, or at the back doorstep feeding the peafowl, or doing the laundry, and I will hear him emerge from his bedroom, yawn, yell good morning to me, get his weetbix, turn the morning news on and so on. I wait with a sense of adrenaline-fuelled anticipation for his outburst because I now have the best weapon ever to combat his rage – laughter. Oh yes (or maybe that should be oh no), I am not going to be in fear and trembling any more.

Now, obviously I don’t do this every morning, or it would lose its impact. Mostly, I put the stupid teaspoon on the sink to be washed as I have been instructed to do by Son and, when you think about it, he is only copying Husband’s and my own breakfast routines drilled into him when he was a placid little boy. But, when I do leave the teaspoon on the table, I feel a wonderful sense of glee while I wait for the reaction.

“MUM! YOU’VE DONE IT AGAIN – I’VE TOLD YOU A MILLION TIMES AND I’M SICK OF YOU LEAVING THE TEASPOON….” Blah, blah, blah.

This brings an immediate grin to my face and I race into the kitchen and pretend to be all apologetic and then cannot stop laughing at the look on his face – oh it is wonderful! He stomps off, I continue to laugh until he re-emerges from his room laughing too. I love it but realize that we will soon have to find another form of entertainment.

Don’t worry – we have an appointment at the local Sanitorium next week. It’s right next door to the nursing lodge where nobody can even find a pen, let alone a teaspoon!Okay, that last bit was rubbish but laughing things off has definitely been better than saying “There are worse things….”

The three of us are learning a lot and that’s a very good thing, but sometimes I wish I could go back, just a little bit, in time….

For any newcomers to this blog, Husband is now in a nursing lodge due to advanced Parkinson’s disease and prostate cancer, and six weeks ago Son had major surgery on his spine for a severe scoliosis. The turkey chick in the picture was our first ‘Bubble’. As for me, I love teaspoons!


35 responses to “Teaspoons and anger management

  1. bahharvey says:

    Perhaps I should consider this “glee” as the reason my family continue to leave things for me to take care of….clothes, newspapers, drink glasses….puppy messes…. I think they are getting WAY TO MUCH GLEE 🙂

  2. dogdaz says:

    My thoughts are with you and your family. My dad, long past, had Parkinson’s. I know it very well. He ended his days in a ‘nursing lodge,’ and that provided the best care and allowed Mom to still have an active life while knowing he was in a safe place. I had back surgery a million years ago (when I was 29), and it was the best thing. Keep leaving the teaspoons, if you must, a sign of defiance to the heavens. Best of luck. I agree, sometimes I wish I could just go back a few years, but alas, we must march forward. Know you are not alone. – Lorian of DogDaz

  3. avian101 says:

    I still think that you, Julie are the miracle worker. The drama of the story converts into comedy and everybody comes out with a smile. “Laughter is the best medicine” I read that somewhere!
    Your wit and strength are the formula to alleviate the maladies that afflict your love ones at least spiritually.

  4. Funny how little habits can drive other people mad. No logic to it either.

  5. melissakoski says:

    Oh my gosh I tease my uptight husband similarly by never securing the bag around the bread or screwing the lids back on things. I too wish you could turn back time a bit.

  6. Robyn Lee says:

    I love this post Julie. Captures so much. I see similar reactions with my own daughters now that they have become young adults. Guess the imprint we leave as parents is pretty powerful. Sounds like your son is doing just fine though…and will one day seek out a wife who leaves her teaspoon on the table too:)

  7. Fergiemoto says:

    You seem to hold yourself up well amidst all these struggles. It’s good to have a short break with a good laugh.

  8. dou dou says:

    I think you are doing him a favor! One,it gives him a release for some of that pent up anger and two, he will realize as some point that teaspoons aren’t worth getting upset about 🙂

  9. My husband has done the same thing for the 33 years we’ve been married, and while I once griped at him, I realize now that after he’s dead I’m going to look at the countertop and wonder where his teaspoon was.

  10. camsgranny says:

    Oh julie, you made me straight up shoot liquid out of nose for this one. I do the same thing to the hubbs (he’s a very serious neat freak).

  11. bluebee says:

    Well, teaspoons are for stirring… 😉

  12. Tilly Bud says:

    To be honest, given all that you all have to cope with, I don’t understand why you would wind him up like that. What you all need is less aggravation, not more 🙂

    • jmgoyder says:

      I know and you are sooooo right! Son and I had a discussion about the whole teaspoon thing tonight and we sorted things out (phew!) I think it had to get right down to a teaspoon problem for us to get a bit of perspective. I won’t leave the teaspoon on the table again!
      I promise!

  13. A beautiful post that put a smile on my face!

  14. victoriaaphotography says:

    Hmmmmmmm……..what can I say (to this post).

    Well Julie, if you left the teaspoon on the white bench in MY home, I would…….in time……..not be a ‘happy chappie’ at all.

    (and that…….is putting it mildly)…….Big Grin

    But having said that, in recent weeks, my obsessively neat life has actually become a little messy for the first time in about 2 years.

    I love your sense of humour though.

    I must say, your Son must be a jolly good sport to come out of the situation laughing along with you.

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