There seems to be some mystery about whoever first said “the eyes are the windows to the soul” but I thought of this quote today when I was doing some more research into Parkinson’s Disease and, more specifically, Parkinson’s Disease Dementia which Husband was diagnosed with some time ago but I didn’t tell him. The difference between Alzheimer’s Disease symptoms and PDD symptoms is fairly arbitrary and both dementias can be rather bewildering for the sufferer and the carer because of the unpredictability of almost every moment.
I am very familiar with Alzheimer’s Disease because I worked as a nurse in nursing homes for years before I changed professions and, somewhat ironically, I wrote a book about it which I’ve mentioned before (so this is not a plug for the book!) Yesterday, I found myself doing what I had suggested in my book all those years ago – I listened to what Husband was saying and I went along with it. So when, at one point, he described how the cops had come into the room with taser guns and he had to defend himself, I asked how many and suggested they might be security people to protect him. This worked better than saying something like , “You’re talking a lot of crap; snap out of it!”
One of the most disconcerting symptoms of PDD is what Son calls the ‘shark eye thing’ during which Husband’s eyes go blank and sort of dead. This makes him look extremely malevolent and it’s quite scary. It’s almost as if he is in a trance which is probably what it feels like. Yesterday at the hospital, Husband had shark eyes and sometimes it was as if he were looking straight through me to something else, or somewhere else.
Hallucinations are another PDD symptom and these featured periodically during yesterday as well. I was getting so used to reassuring Husband that there was nothing on the table or behind the curtain that when he suddenly said, “There he is! I told you – it’s my nephew coming up the stairs,” I just said, “No, there aren’t any stairs” (which was true), and “There’s nobody there,” when his nephew walked into the room surprising us both! I did feel pretty stupid!
Another funny but not funny moment over Easter was when I had to dash up to the shop and leave Husband alone. “Please don’t go walking around outside,” I implored, “I’ll only be 10 minutes at the most.” When he protested, I reminded him of all the times he’s fallen over when I haven’t been there (another reason I had to quit work). Anyway all was fine when I got back. Later, however, just after I had locked the gang in and let the dogs out for a run, I went out to the clothesline to hang some washing out and Jack, the Irish terrier, ran in front of me and, yeah, you guessed it, I fell over – badly! I landed hard on one knee and thought I’d shattered it, the pain was so bad. I limped back into the house crying from the pain (I am a wimp) and Husband, after being very sympathetic, said, his eyes sparkling with concern and humour, “You really need to watch your step, Jules.”
I can’t believe those sparkly eyes of just a few days ago have sharked again. Perhaps I should trip over my feet tomorrow when I visit Husband in the hospital!
The following is a pic of a pic of our pre-Parkinson’s days!
Yes, I know, I know – I need to get a scanner; I also need to get some groceries and pick up the lawnmowers and pay some bills and catch up with the housework….
jmgoyder 
Oh, what a lovely photo of the two of you. Wow hon, you are so strong and how you’re keeping it all together I don’t know. My grandfather was like that and the vet that I worked for as well. You are in my thoughts sweetie. *big hugs*
Thanks Sonel – right back at you as Ellen would say!
Hi,
I love the photo, very nice. 🙂
Sounds like you are going to be very busy, pick up the lawnmowers that doesn’t sound good, did they break down or did someone borrow them?
EVERYTHING is breaking down – argh!
Julie,
I love that you are able to take your own advice and go with the flow when husband is in another place. It seems that your tactic takes some of the strain out of your time together. I must say, from an outsider’s perspective, that the nephew actually being there was humorous!
How did he know?
~ Lynda
(Love your pictures. Who needs a scanner? I have one and never use it. Too complicated.)
Thanks, Lynda! Yeah, I kind of like the unsophistication of the photo too – and re Husband knowing, he always does – it’s weird as he can be totally confused one minute then whammo more lucid than I have ever been! Juliex
Another very touching post. Thank you Jules for welcoming us into your world. I hope it’s helpful to share some of the complex emotions you are facing. You write with such wit and feeling that it’s very easy to read your stories and feel like we are right there with you. I am hoping the sparkling eyes return again and again…and give you strength to cope with the shark ones. The framed photo is just perfect!
Thanks Robyn – Husband is now much better so new meds are working and we just had a normal conversation on phone – yippee! Juliex
So glad… tomorrow is my day at the hospital… trying some new interventions to try to get me more mobile and able to keep on clicking.
All the very best, best, best with this!
I think you’re smart to go with the moment. It’s the only thing you can do. I suspect that whatever is happening at the moment is the only thing that matters to someone with dementia. I could be wrong, but it seemed to work for me when I was dealing with a friend’s dementia problems. I answered the same question patiently over and over as if it was the first time. It stressed and amazed people sitting nearby who were discreetly eavesdropping, but my sick friend was calm and I was resigned and not stressed. You do what you have to do.
You were wise with your friend. Husband’s new drug regime seems to be working and he is ‘with it’ today – yeeha!
Yep, shark eyes. Good term for that wide-eyed, blank look. Dad always saw Mexicans and little children. Good description of terms, also. Hope you are having a peaceful whatever you’re having Downunder. 😉
Autumn!
No fairies come in to do the housework (I know, I’ve waited), and when there’s no food, you’ll buy groceries. It’s all about priorities. And those change, day by day.
Yes, it’s too bad about those fairies!
Love that picture!!
Me too!
That picture says it all about the love you have for each other.
The good old days!
That is a beautiful picture. You’re very strong! Somewhere behind those shark eyes, I’m sure, there is still a sparkle. Stay positive. Sending good vibes your way! xo
Thanks – new meds seem to be working and he is normal-ish today – yeeha!
Awesome! Keep us all updated!
Ok!
A crazy, scary, disorientating journey you’re on together – your writing highlights beautifully the moments of humour and love that shine out from the darkness
Yes, scary – this afternoon Husband was lucid but half an hour ago (it’s evening here) I rang him and he was confused again – can’t stop crying but I will!
If you have a good camera you could dispense with the scanner. I found the scanners to be too slow, so I wound up taking pictures of the pictures, making them look as fresh as the first day 40 years ago by using Photoshop, and then saving the digital file. I also take pictures of everything in my house for insurance records.
Oh – okay!