‘My bad’ is, I think, a rather weird expression that has been bandied about over the last year or so, and I am never sure if is supposed to be a question, as in, “Am I bad?” or a statement, “This is me being bad and good on me!”
‘My bad’ has probably already been replaced with another popular saying but I hope not because I rather like its ambiguity; on the other hand, maybe I just don’t really get it!
‘My bad’ is today, for me, a combination of question and statement because, in a couple of hours, I have to go back to the hospital to see Husband and I don’t want to … yes, I seem to be getting mybadder by the moment!
I’ve dropped my bundle of empathy somewhere and I’ve forgotten where. I’m not sure how this could have happened and I don’t seem to have the energy or enthusiasm to go and look for it. I would much rather have a nap which is exactly what Husband will be doing right now in the hospital because that’s how the noon drugs affect him.
My bad? This photo is of the ‘good old days’ four years ago now!
And this is Jack, the Irish Terrier I bought for Husband several months ago before the ‘bad’ of Husband’s Parkinson’s got ‘badder’ so now Jack is here and Husband is there and this is definitely not good!
It is hard to believe now that 18 months ago, Husband, Son and I were able to go to a hotel in Perth and have a good time.
My sad….
jmgoyder 
You seem to need a lot of these lately. (((0))) I wish I were there to deliver them in person.
~ Lynda
A lot of what? Oh, do you mean hugs – ok thanks – gotta go into the hospital now and thanks again!
Yes hugs, of course! Been sending these in character code for a while…
Sorry, thought you knew what it meant. ~ L
Sorry – I am so stupid. I just thought you had a weird typing problem – hahahahahah!
Grrr… you are NOT stupid. You were uninformed, but now you know the code, and I can send them to you whenever I like! 🙂
~ L
And I can send to you once I learn the code – hehe!
As I said earlier, one day at a time. Take it step by step. Look at the achievements, however small, and don’t dwell on the bad things.
It will only make you depressed if you dwell on the bad times.
Good advice!
All I can say is 200kms is a long way to drive on a regular basis. Nobody would blame you for getting a little weary and wanting a little break and having an afternoon nap.
My bad again! I gave the wrong impression as Husband is in a hospital not far from here (20kms) but for awhile he thought he was in the Perth hospital (200kms away) – I am not that good!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I hope you find your energy. Sounds like it will be hard to for awhile. Sending thoughts and prayers your way.
Thank so much Tammy!
Hugs to you! I hope your “my bad” days dwindle, altho I think, in this case, it is deserved. I felt the same way at times when both of my parents were dying of cancer at the same time. Some days it was just plain hard to want to do more than take a nap. Very emotional times.
Both parents at the same time – hell – thanks so much for your comment. You obviously know what it’s like!
I do. After it is all over, have that breakdown. I don’t mean the kind where you are incarcerated because you will hurt yourself or others. 🙂 Just mean let go. It gets all pent up inside, it really does. All sorts of feelings running through your mind at the same time. They will have a profound effect upon you physically. Very hard to explain. I won’t ever forget how it made me feel. Be good to yourself.
Thank you so much for your very generous comment! It gave me a twinge of hope!
Please don’t feel “bad” for being human!!
If you were really bad, you wouldn’t feel guilty at all. 🙂
I guess you are right – thanks!
🙂
I’m sorry that your family is going through this terrifically difficult challenge . . . my thoughts are with you, though that probably isn’t helpful at all. Parkinsons is just such a cruel disease. It takes bits and pieces away when you’re not looking, and that includes bits and pieces of the heart. Take care.
When you say that PD takes ‘bits and pieces away whe you’re not looking’ I thought that is such a perfect description – thank you!
Hi again – even though I am subscribed to your blog I don’t seem to be receiving the email posts!
Thanks for letting me know . . . I’ll look into it. I’ve only received a couple of comments on the past several posts from people I usually hear from… so, I’ll check. I’m kind of technically-challenged, but I’ll look into it. Thanks, again!!!
I’m terribly technically challenged!
Well, you’re definitely listed on my site as one of my blog followers, but you’re not listed as an email follower. It says you may have inadvertantly switched that off. Try again, on my website, to scroll down (on the right side, I believe) to where is asks for your email address. Maybe if you re-enter it, it will start coming through. Let me know what happens, because if you’re not getting notifications, then other people probably aren’t. Depending on what happens when you resubscribe requesting email notification, I’ll decide if I need to sent out an email to the others that might be having the same difficulty. Thanks again for letting me know! Janet
Ok – will try again – I just thought you were having a break!
I just went into your blog but can’t see any email invitation – will try again!
Hugs from Alabama
Hugs back from Aussie!
I would say you’re pretty normal. No one can stay happy and positive over such a long time. You have to look after yourself too or you’ll be no good to anyone else. My mother once sent me a little plaque with a saying on it. “Take time for you.” It said it all.
Yes, very true – thank you!
Your last line just pierced my heart.
Mine too!
Please keep writing your thoughts. I have known the exterior Juli for 35 years but really have not known you and now from my dotage it is so precious to be part of the sharing of life and the journey.Now we see through a glass darkly but then, face to face.
Dan
Thanks, Dan – you are the best and I feel honoured that you are interested in my blog! Juliexx
Your empathy will come back. So will all the good memories and warm feelings. When my mom gets to me once in a while, I just need a break. Then the good stuff returns.
Very true. Good wishes to your ma!
I’d be sad too – and exhausted (which can close out everything, including empathy, for a while)
Yeah, I have that tired thing all the time – want to leap out of it but can’t!
Bless you for your honesty. you know I did a little teary thing when I read you blog earlier today and immediately got up from my computer and spent some time with my cranky husband. I went and sat on the deck with him instead of just fixing dinner. You know time is never a promise for any for any of us and we all should pay attention to what we have.
Bless you my dear for all you do for him!! We are there for you but only you can be there for him and the boy. r
What an amazing comment – thank you so much and give my love to ‘cranky’!
I will & he had his moment tonite but now he is better
got to love our crankies!!!
Hilarious!
Now he is asleep on the couch and it isn’t even 8pm. Snoring like a chainsaw too!! ZzZzZzzZZzzz
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!
Oh Jules…just read this. Your injection of humor into such a difficult ordeal is so admirable. It’s just so damn hard. I do the same and look back on photos and “remember when” — My 30th birthday was the last one I had without a slew of medical ghosts invading my world. I keep trying to keep the mantra going ….the one where I say “I am where I am…” Just so hard when it’s not where you want to be! I know my husband feels the same, and can imagine his fear about where this will land for us. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers… hope you can find that peaceful place within to hang out for a few and chill. Sending Love….
You are too generous, RL!!! I just found out Husband was ambulanced back to the nursing lodge – I didn’t know so am rushing in now!
Julie, I think you are over-thinking the my bad thing. Just a thought. 🙂 Saying a prayer for all your happenings today. I like what Robyn Lee said above, “…hope you can find that peaceful place within to hang out for a few and chill…” Just a suggestion for what it’s worth to you – when you’re not at the nursing lodge with Husband or when you’re not having to think about your business there, give your mind some time to relax and enjoy the birds and Son or read a book or take a walk. The short mental breaks are healthy as are the physical breaks from the responsibilities. Be good to yourself. Sending you some Texas love…
Thanks dcwisdom – no wonder your second name is ‘wisdom’ – good advice!
Wish I had the wisdom of Solomon, so I must ask God for it. This name has been good for me. Also, Rick calls me Squirrely Shirley which might give you some indication of my silliness. All in fun. Hope you’re having a lovely day. (It’s 12:15 a.m. here.)
I think you should go to bed, wise one – ha! The time difference is strange because for me it is early afternoon…
We read this with sadness and a bit of a smile. We hope today is a better day not a badder one.
*Hugs*
Bella and DiDi
Thx Bella and DiDi!!!
You’ve maxed out your “care for others” card.
While you may not have to physically care for either at this point, you are still mentally and emotionally caring for husband and son. It all counts against your “care for others” card. You now have nothing left to draw on. You have to credit your account with some “you time.”
Step out of your routine. Take a few days and go somewhere with out husband or son. Be carefree and careyou. Celebrate with friends. Talk with strangers who don’t know and won’t ask about husband or son. It may not magically take your cares away, but it will give you the mental energy to face them.
What a great idea – I am so excited and am gonna book a beach cottage for a couple of days next week!!
Wonderful!!
Thank you!
Thank you for writing so honestly about your experiences. You have a beautiful family! I’m sitting in a coffee shop in tears reading your love story. I’m so glad you’re writing it for the world to read. xoxo -C
Thank you so much for that Carley!
There are so many colloquialisms that I dislike, “my bad” being just one of them.
Yes, it’s a weird one!