I have to break it to Ants that I can’t bring him home for the day any more because I can’t physically lift him. He is now requiring two nurses to assist him in every way. I will tell him tomorrrow; it is a hard thing to say and I am nearly beside myself with grief because he is my hero in so many ways – hence my resorting to sentimental music like the following….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0IA3ZvCkRkQ
jmgoyder 
you break my heart sometimes
I seem to breaking my own a lot – must be a lack of acceptance or something.
people can only take so much – be gentle with yourself –
ok
🙂
Oh My God Jules, I cannot even imagine the painful choice this was. I just said choice and that is the wrong word, this is no choice at all. I’m actually quite proud of you knowing this was coming for some time. I have felt the struggle in your words and the pain in between the lines.
If it helps at all just know that by doing this you will allow yourself the freedom to ENJOY the time with your beloved Ants rather than struggling with each visit. You are not super woman no matter how often you try to be.
Gentle hugs today my dearest friend.~
I looked for your email because I needed to send you a card that just said I am thinking of you today. So please know the thought is here. I’ll make note of it the next time I can. So mad at myself for not putting it in my address book, will not make that mistake again.
Hugs sweetie~
You are so lovely – my email is juligoyder@gmail.com
I am going to rehearse how I say this to him – may resort to a bit of white lying to make it easier – not sure. Thanks for your gentle support BB Jx
White lying is completely appropriate here. Not a soul can blame you for using whatever you need to get through this time Jules.
You always have our support here, ou are well loved by us all.
Thanks for the email, you’re the best!
Yeah but I don’t want to turn into a pathological liar! Hehe.
my thoughts, prayers, and heart will be with you as you speak to Ants. i am here with you and for you my friend
Thanks Terry – you are a hero! Jxx
This was inevitable. Once you’re both resigned to that fact, you’ll carry on, adjusting to the change. You have to remember this is not something you are doing to Anthony. It’s the nature of the disease. It’s no one’s fault. It’s an awful thing to go through, watching someone you love slowly fade away, but maybe the Hero song refers not only to Anthony, but to you, too. You’ve done everything you possibly could. Now it’s time to accept more help for him. You can’t do it all alone. But you deserve a medal for trying.
It is a cruel disease in its slowness. Thanks Anneli. Juliex
This sounds incredibly hard. Take comfort in the thought that you’re doing this for the right reasons (his safety) rather than convenience or lack of caring.
I think he is beginning to realize it himself but difficult to tell.
Hon–thinking of you–this is so hard…
Thanks Susan – I keep trying to think of how to make it better but can’t – Juliex
xo tears… so hard… tell him exactly that Julie –
Yes and thank you Robyn – so much. Juliexx
welcome so much – wish I could help more. 😦
Where’s your post for today? – come on, hurry up! hehe
Wow when it rains it pours! I feel for you and wish you strength and comfort.
It was to be expected but is still a shock to me.
Such a difficult thing to say to your much loved husband Anthony. Hopefully you can spend more time at the nursing lodge to reassure & comfort him.
I can only imagine how distressing this must be for you both. I guess he’s going to miss seeing the open country and farmland.
Would you be able to take him for a short drive around the back paddocks and country roads for an hour (with the nursing staff lifting him in and out of the car each time), or would this also be impossible?
The driving idea is brilliant!
He is still your hero, and you are still his. Heroism is not sacrificing yourself to a limitless physical act, it is the limitless love you share from the heart.
The other day he kept telling me how wonderful I was so that made me feel better.
Good luck, J. It must tear your heart up every time you have to break news like that to Ants. You’re being so strong, even though it doesn’t seem like it at times.
Have decided to use delay tactics rather than say the word ‘never’ to him.
Thanks artful!
Good luck. That’s a sad chore. I feel for you.
Thanks Judith – am rethinking how I tell him. Jx
Julie … Is there some way you can put off telling him, like stalling, having some reasons, like flooding or trees down or whatever so that he doesn’t lose hope altogether. Maybe it’s a possibility that he could go at some point with an entourage of ppl to help, but if not at least he he doesn’t know that he will never be able to go home. That’s me though … is that denial?
Just that with his condition is deteriorating it may be possibe that you don’t have to tell him that reality which would be so hard.
Actually that is a brilliant idea – thanks Ingrid! Jxx
We’re sorry about this. *Kisses*
Bella and DiDi
I’m not really the dog kissing type but you girls seem okay!!
Do you prefer hugs?
Both!
Prayers and hugs for you, Julie.
Thanks lovely Ritika! Jxx
Sad to hear. Our thoughts are with you.
Thanks so much. I got home a little while ago from seeing Anthony in the nursing lodge but I couldn’t quite say the ‘never’ thing so I said we’d go for a drive tomorrow (I can manage that with the nurses helping me to get him in and out of car). I’m now thinking going for drives could work for awhile. We will have to go to places other than home I guess. You two are very kind. Jx
I’m so sorry.
Thanks Tilly – I am having a hard time adjusting to how rapidly this is happening. Jxx
I bet you are. You are in my prayers.
My stupid notification thing still isn’t working even if I try to subscribe so I have finally resorted to sending a message to WP – argh! I need a break anyway and was, once again, overly subscribed, but I wanted to set it up to get yours and a few others’ notifications
Thanks so much for your message here – J
Yes, there are so many times when these decisions are so overwhelming. I’m so sorry. Mom and I couldn’t let Dad come home for the same reasons unless we had at least two men (like my brother or bils) at the house to do the lifting. So heartbreaking and so very sad. Sending lots of love to you today.
Yeah and Ming can’t help because of his own back.
I’m sure the link is to the Bette Midler song (it doesn’t work on my iPad) but if it is I can’t listen to that song – it’s just too much emotion for me – if I hear it playing in a shop I can’t take it and walk out (but it’s a very good song to bawl by! :-))
It’s the Mariah Carey one (before she became a bit weird!)
I suppose we all knew that this day would come. I am so very sorry that it has come so soon.
xo,
Lynda
Not sure if my premonitionish feelings are premature – that’s the trouble.