Lately, I have caught myself (guiltily) wondering about this question and its many off-shoots. Nevertheless, it is probably a rather controversial question to ask, so I apologize if it offends anybody but I wanted to ‘put it out there’ to see what other people think.
A few weeks ago I discussed the hesitant beginnings of this question with Anthony who now knows that dementia is creeping up on him. He knows because it has been mentioned by various professionals in front of him; by me, carefully; and by Ming frankly (“Dad, you’re losing the plot!”)
PDD is an acronym for Parkinson’s Disease Dementia but this condition is not as well known as Alzheimer’s Disease despite the fact that its symptoms are so similar – ie. loss of short-term memory, loss of ability to remember how to do normal activities (walking, speaking, ablutions, eating etc.) In the final stages of Parkinson’s Disease, which is where Anthony is in this strange continuum, the dementia usually begins to kick in.
So far, the dementia has been gentle, but unpredictable and, as I said to Anthony yesterday, “Mostly you are lucid but sometimes you are gaga”, and he agreed. It reminded me of all those years ago when I was looking after his mother and her extreme distress at becoming forgetful and confused. I have never forgotten her tears that day because she was not the crying type; she was stoic. Anthony is like that too, but I have noticed that, when lucid, he is sad and, when gaga, he isn’t sad.
A few weeks ago, I wanted to find a miracle cure for the encroaching dementia but now (apart from the fact that there is no miracle cure), I wonder if the hastening of dementia would be a blessing in disguise.
I don’t know what to wish for anymore.
Any thoughts?
jmgoyder 
I’m reading the latest Harlan Coben book and there’s a few paragraphs in there about Alzheimer patients and the stage they reach when they’re completely disconnected from reality and are stuck into their own little world. It describes a whole floor in a hospice when the staff lets the patients indulge in their own reality because they’re happy that way. I’d never heard of that but I’m sure this technique is well applied out there. I’m sure it’s very difficult for loved ones to observe but the point is, the patient’s mental health is left disturbed that way. I guess you have to learn to go with the flow…
That’s so interesting and great. I think it harder for carers to go with the flow than for those with dementia. Thanks you for this you lovely person!
It really will make no difference what you wish or hope for. What will be, will be.
I don’t mean to sound harsh at all. I only mean, why distress yourself over something you have absolutely no control over? I agree that probably those times when a dementia sufferer is happiest are when he doesn’t realize that he’s so sick. Maybe it can be compared to dreaming and then being woken up (to lucidity). It’s probably the worst in the in-between time when he doesn’t know why he doesn’t know something. I think I would find that part the worst. Like trying to wake up and knowing that you’re not really quite awake yet but you’re not dreaming anymore either.
Your first sentences jolted me in a good way and am so grateful for this. And the way you talk about the weird phases of dreaming – and that in-betweenness – resonates. Thank you Anneli! Jxx
A difficult subject, but as someone who had to quit work partly due to inability to remember my Boss’s instructions 5 mins earlier or inability to remember anything much outside work without a list to remind me, I would say ……
In the early stages, it’s frightening. It’s scary. You fear you won’t be able to keep your independence. You fear losing your income (I did & had to apply for a Disability Pension from the Govt when I had to quit my job of 16 1/2 years duration). You start doublechecking the stove is off. You doublecheck whether you locked the front door. Your walk out to the letterbox & then wonder why you walked out to the front of your home. You go to the bathroom at work to sit for a few minutes because you can’t remember where your’e up to in your work or even how to write a short email to a colleague. You can’t remember how to turn your computer on. You take deodorant & toothpaste/brush to work in case you forget these personal care tasks in the morning. You backtrack your walk and frantically search your bag for the postal item you had to post. You sit on a bench in the city because you can’t remember where you are or how to get home. You start panicking because you can’t remember how to spell simple everyday words. Your forget what you were going to say and can’t socialize because you can’t remember people’s names or where you met them. Gosh you can’t even finish a sentence without being prompted.
So, in the beginning its really stressful. (I have improved since taking B12 & keeping my life very, very simple. I still need lots of notes. I write everything down or put ‘things to be remembered’ near the front door). And of course taking up photography saved my sanity & my life.
(I have my life back again. It’s not the same as before. It’s better – but that’s another story).
As one deteriorates further (which I haven’t done), I imagine it’s a blessing in disguise. You would forget the pain of chronic pain. Your would forget the situations that frustrate you. If you’re lucky, your family would ensure you are cared for and supervised in your daily tasks. If you’re lucky, you would form simple friendships with like-minded individuals living along side of you in the nursing home/lodge/facility where your family had thoughtfully & sensitively placed you.
But by the time it came to that period when you could do nothing but sit in a chair watching vacantly into space, well……..I hope someone believes in Euthanasia, because if I don’t have some quality of life, I don’t want to live.
I seem to remember writing that last sentence once…………A quick flip of my pain diary reveals I wrote that in March 2006 after one of my nightmarish episodes of such excruciating pain that I wished I was dead and got the bottle of sleeping pills out of the cupboard.
I never took them, but that’s a nother story too.
Victoria, you are amazing in the way you have had to cope with all of this – I hope you paste this comment to your own blog because it is so insightful. Many many thanks for your words of wisdom here. Juliex
Getting a life back again is like coming back from the dead. Most people do not know how bad I was and what it took to continuing working and lying to the world. But there comes a point when you can’t lie to yourself any longer. I worked on Autopilot. Any distraction from my routine and I fell in a heap.
I wish I hadn’t deleted my old Google writing blog. It had a couple of great articles in it. I think many people would have found it helpful in their different life situations. But delete it I did. I did print a few posts off first, but they’re pretty ordinary.
It’s my scribbled, confused, repetitious pain diary that I wrote at night or the early morning hours when the pain was so bad that I couldn’t sleep that is so revealing. Will I burn it? Maybe one day. Will I type it into a book? No, it is too repetitious & depressing.
I think you could blog excerpts from your pain diary because it would help other people to know they are not alone. Just a suggestion!
I agree, this would make a very insightful post!
Yes!
You are not wrong in some strange way it is a blessing, well that is what my pop use to say, he often said it was a blessing that my nan didn’t realise that she had lost the plot and didn’t realise that she repeated herself over and over again since dementia was a worry of hers for many many years before it struck her…………..also because of the Alzheimer’s she doesn’t realise she is in a nursing home………..the disease is hareder on those who love the suffer more then it is on the suffer if that makes any sense.
That makes complete sense!
In the final stages, I think it might be. Eventually, Anthony won’t be distressed about coming home. I often think it’s harder on the family, and your posts prove it. But it must be awful in the early stages, shifting in and out of lucidity.
What you are wishing for is what’s best for Anthony, in the long run – for it all to be over. Because you love him.
Yes, I’m just beginning to realize how much more this is taking its toll on me, rather than on Anthony. Just got through on phone to him for second time today and he was fine with me not coming in until tomorrow – such a relief that I can spend rest of day guilt-free!
You should do something nice, something fun, even if it’s just veg on the couch watching movies, or shopping for new underwear.
Ming and I are going up to the local van to get fish and chips, then watch a movie tonight – underwear? haha!
😀
just speaking from my own experiences so far with Al, I would say that dementia would be a great blessing in disguise, if it made Al forget he had the disease, therefore trying to figure out what he has done wrong to deserve this would now be a thing forgotten. if it could take the pains away, and relax the muscles, straighten the toes back out, and make Al smile, because his simplicity would be so backwards,that he would smile even as i just looked at him and smiled. to see Al as a three month old, peering at the world as if for the first time, being of innocence in mind, would be a blessing in his and my own life. i agree all of this is much harder on the caregiver, although i know Al suffers much more physically than i do, but the mental anguish of watching him slip away from this world into another world is to me the worst that can be. for the first time in my life, i can not stop it, i can not wish it, nor can i hide from the disaster and havoc it is playing in our lives. so if having dementia would cause everything to wash away and become new again, i am for it.
Love your heart-wrenching but poetic and pragmatic response to my question. As Tilly says below, it can be harder on us.
i do agree on this part. i will just say it, since it is late and i don’t give a hoot about as much right now, but i think it sucks, this whole disease thing, and the one who feels it sees it and hurts emotionally the most is us. we know what and who was there before, and now we see what we are left with
Oh Terry, I know so much what you are talking about – you are not alone – there are probably thousands of us – argh. Have a good night’s sleep – it’s only 3.30pm here. Juliexxxx
wow, daylight and getting close to supper there. i am going to try to go to sleep, so talk to u tomorrow. julie, thanks for being one of my special friends. i know the only thing we have in common is our family parkinson’s, but i think u r so nice
me too!
I know this isn’t the same, but when my fathers brain was attacked by a virus he lost the plot too. He forgot how to open doors, how to say words starting with W (of all letters) and I always remember him as a happy man, telling jokes and things, but while sick, he was completely grumpy all the time and depressed. Among other things, he started taking Silica and it really improved the brain functioning and everything. His hair, which was white, is even growing back coloured and he is 62. I thought I would mention it. You don’t have to pay any attention to my rambling, but perhaps it might help? It’s a totally natural mineral that the body needs for connective tissues and such. You can get it at any health food store as a cell salt tablet (basically just a table that dissolves in your mouth) or they put Silica in a lot of vitamin tablets and things these days too.
I will look into this Silica thing – thank you so much!
Hey, you have to share the (w)health!
You are clever with words kid!
I understand why you are questioning this – would it be better to go through something and not really realize you are going through it? the fact that he seems happier when he is gaga may provide you with a partial answer. Why are we so hesitant to ask these questions – you want only the best for Anthony.
On a different not, your son’s response: “you’re losing the plot” is so clever – but obviously uttered in anguish.
You have a lot of comments here Julie–which means that the questions you are posing are real ones and people obviously support you. (Picture me with my collar on: Bless you–I was actually mistaken for a minister once at a funeral – that was awkward! The minister though had long brown hair and glasses, so I guess I get the mistake–and she was not bad looking –so I was flattered – but I am still a seeker–how in heavens name did I get off onto this?)
Oh – I realize I shouldn’t laugh about your anecdote re the collar but can’t stop laughing anyway! I love this comment so much – thanks for meandering off – ha – so refreshing!
glad I provided some respite – wrote a column about mistake identity once- and put in in my blog – I am mistaken for someone else a lot
You are funny – I get mistaken for a bloke a lot because I wear blokey clothes – ha! Who are you mistaken for? I’ll check your blog for something I may have missed – sorry!
I looked it up – it was a May 19th post called A Case of Mistaken Identity – when I was younger I was told I looked like an actress many men consider “foxy”–whatever the heck that means – but I thought she looked cross-eyed – for the life of me I cannot remember her name – I think she was popular in the 60’s
Okay – I will check it out tomorrow (I may have already seen it – my memory is stuffed at the moment!)
That’s a lovely photo, Julie. His eyes are so sparkling…
I don’t feel dementia a blessing for the people around the person who has it – because truly, it would hurt so much to not be recognised – yet you had spent so many years and experiences with them…. made a family with them …. and they do not recognise you. That is a very painful aspect of dementia, I feel.
A thought provoking post, as ever 🙂
I think, as you say, it’s not a blessing for carers but might be for the person getting dementia. It is weird for us because we are mostly pretty honest with each other. It’s also weird because I quit being a nurse years ago because I got so down in the dumps – you know, too much empathy and all that.
My grandmother had Alzheimer and unfortunately my grandfather passed 13 years before she did, so all she had to depend on were my mom, aunt, and the caregivers in the personal care home, she was healthy as a horse physically, (no medication at all, no age related illnesses or diseases of any physical nature) but as you said, she was gaga almost all the time, one morning she would think she was pregnant (this was a recurring theme until the nurses gave her a baby doll one morning and told her she gave birth during the night, then the pregnancy stopped but she really thought the doll was alive), the only person she consistently remembered was my brother, which was a blessing and curse because he was so young, the burden of being the only person she really recognized was unfair to him, but through all the soap opera dramas she played out during the last 3 years of her life, she seemed somehow at peace, so I think what you should wish for Anthony is that he is at peace, treasure him when he’s lucid and you can still have those moments with him, and play along when he’s not, and yes I know how hard that is for you, but try to see the humor in it, and soon enough you also will know peace,
Thanks Katrina. I loved reading about your grandmother and I can relate to a lot of this story because of my previous nursing experience with people who had Alzheimer’s disease (I even remember when the ‘doll therapy’ intervention became established). I appreciate your words re Ants; he is mostly lucid so that when he isn’t it always freaks me out and I have to stop being freaked out and just accept that our life is now a moment-by-moment surprise. Juliexxx
That is an excellent way of looking at it, because it is much harder for you and you son than it is Anthony, my prayers are always with you,
Thanks Katrina. I think it’s just me now. Ming has disengaged and, even though I find this almost unbearable, Ants doesn’t seem to realize, thank goodness! Juliexx
I think it is. Who would want to know that their thoughts are floating away? Hugs from this Yankee southern girl. Who right hip became undone last night, while I had been dreaming for the answer to God (who had dressed as as Santa) showed me 4 Christmases from his few of his past years to show me the peoples answers. I could hearthe people asking their questiions & his reason fron answering their question in his way. And when I asked him mine, why is my pelvis coming undone. He turned & winked. Then I woke up to screaming pain &. Realzed that he had my right S.I joint, work way beyond its capabilities, with no idea from me that he did that until I got my pain pump put in. God knew what was happening & saved me from most of the pain of it coming un done as it did, last night. The pain was pretty bad, but I think had it come undone while I was not medicated through the pump on morphine inside my pump. A thimble full dripping on my nerves. I was also asleep, a period where he could give the joint up knowing that the sleep med. would knock me out too. It just took looking at me from his point of view as to why he helped me hurt less during my coming undone. I think just as God gives those with terrible diseases, makes the passing more gentle. He didn’t give the deases, but I think he does try in his way to make them as gentle as he can to those who listen. I know have to have the right hip fused, my pubic bone rebroken & put back together & held in place with titanium. Or I could live in a wheel chair. I’m gonna chose the harder, quicker path like your son did. See, I am strong like him.
OMG my heart goes out to you – this physical pain you suffer is unbearable to contemplate for most of us and yet you carry on so heroically and cheerfully. Bravo to you my peacock-feather-loving friend! Love Juliexxxxx
This physical pain your son suffered…the unbearable mental pain you carry is difficult for the rest to contemplate for most of us & yet you carry on heroically & cheerfully. Bravo to you my,’I can’t find what you loved on the post you commented on?” Can you remember. I want to get something that you will love. Bravo to me, the “i can’t type on my iPad” goose feather, earth covered, snow covered, art loving, dying feathers crazy Yankee southern American. Love, Amy
You are a one-off! I can’t remember what I liked either – maybe it’s me getting dementia!
This is a question I’ve wondered for awhile. My mother has so many physical challenges due to various diseases that she has to live in a nursing home and is wheelchair bound. But she’s cognitively almost 100% and almost everyone around her has some form of dementia. My best friend’s mother has alzheimers and now lives in a memory center. We’ve compared/contrasted over the years from the side of family and the side of patient. Together, we’ve kind of decided that for the patient, Alzheimers is kinder. While she went through the period where she had to be near her husband all the time, and didn’t sleep and so on, she’s now totally happy in whatever situation she’s in and accepts who is with her. But her family feels like they have mostly lost their mother/wife/grandmother. The person she is can’t keep her husband on schedule like she used to, can’t comfort a daughter facing a child’s illness like she used to, can’t fill in heritage stories for the grandchildren like many do and so on. But my mother is trapped and she knows it. She has recall like you wouldn’t believe, knows when doctor’s appointments are do, calls to ask about grandchildren’s summer jobs, but with all her faculties, she knows things can’t change for the better for her and its cruel. We have the side of her that my friend longs for with her mother, but I think my mother’s situation is cruel. Just my opinion.
I read your comment with great interest and gratitude because I/we can relate to so much of what you describe in terms of your mother’s situation. It is so incredibly cruel – your situation and mine and many other people’s – because of the mismatch that sometimes happens with elderly people – that mismatch between physical and mental capacity. When one of these capacities deteriorates but the other doesn’t, it is almost unbearably tragic. Your response here makes me realize that sometimes we loved ones/carers worry and suffer more than the person who has the disease. I hope this makes sense and I am very grateful for your wonderful comment here!
The times Momma is most happy is when PDD steps up, because she has her own little fantasy world, but then there are times when PDD does not make her happy because she is filled with horrible illusions, and seeing things that are not there. It is a two edged sword, You are perfectly correct, when you state it is harder on the family or loved one’s, because for us, while they might not remember things, we’ve seen it, and it is hard to forget. There is no right or wrong answer in this situation, in my experience, I grab the seat of my pants and roll with the roller coaster, and I just figure, there will be plenty of time after it’s all over, to catch my breath, grieve, and whatnot. But for me, right now, there are a lot of angels holding my hands, and a lot of friends and family to help me. And Believe me when I say, I use my “chain” of friends and family (as you are well aware in e-mails).
Thanks for making me think about certain aspects of this disease, because for a long time, I thought I was the only one. I’ve found a bunch of good friends since starting my blog, you are one of them!
Hope today is better in your world! 🙂
Jo
You, Jo, are an incredible example of someone who can ride the roller coaster of this disease and your carer role with wisdom, constant cheeriness. I so appreciate our mutual support of each other – thank you! Juliexx
Ahhh Julie…I think LOVE asks the tough questions…questions like the one you’ve posed. I have no experience with anything like this but know I walk (through reading your posts) with you and send my good thoughts and strength your way.
Thanks Diana – I draw a lot of insight from camsgranny and terry1954 because they both know what caring for a person with PD/PDD is like and both of them blog about this and other things. I take my hat off to them because they are still doing the caring inside the home, whereas I/we had to opt for the nursing lodge – an ongoing guilt trip for me. Juliexx
JULIE!!!! What is good for one is not neccessarily good for another, remember Momma was in the Nursing home!!!! You should not feel guilty, although that is easier said than done, Don’t forget, Terry and I have people that come in and help us, so it’s not like we are doing this ourselves. Ask yourself a couple of questions:
1. Is Ants getting good care?
2. Is it better care than you can provide?
3. Is he safer at the lodge?
4. Is it practicale for you to have him at home?
Guilt trips are NEVER good for anyone, The what if’s and whatnot, Please try and see the good in him being in the lodge, and quit beating yourself up.
Jo
Well that was loud and clear! Hell, you shocked me in a good way. Thanks Jo!
I think any disease that takes away quality of life is a curse; the level of take away is always debated – the differences of two/three/more evils. None of it is good. It all boils down to how we deal with it and what we learn from it, but I constantly yearn for the miracle healing or the miracle cure.
As in Victoria’s case, B12 has helped many, and a supplement program (Mannatech which is patented) has improved the health in some patients. I know there are some experimental offerings for PDD patients if the disease is caught early enough.
In Dad’s case, nothing helped long term, and even though we prayed for a miracle healing, our desires and requests for his physical healing went unanswered. I leave the whys to God and still have faith and trust that God knows all and loves us, even though it was a tough trial with many unanswered questions. Death is a part of life, no matter how it comes.
Funny, though, that there’s still the humor and moments of utter joy in the process. I salute you for writing this journal, asking the questions, seeking the answers, and finding the laughter among the sorrow.
XOXO I pray you’re sleeping well.
Such a beautiful response and thank you so much for these words. I hope others will read them too. My faith falters and doesn’t know where it is at times, but I don’t think God minds.
Julie, it does seem to me that for Ants the demential is a way to escape – truly escape into a world where things are not upside down and hopeless. His soul gets to rest in that state. I have read it’s a way for the person going through what he is, to “release resistance” and have peace. Now for you, my dear friend….I’m not so sure. All I can imagine having not encountered this hardship myself, is that your own outlook ABOUT the dementia is what will determine the way it effects you. If you can guide your thought process to a place where you see it also as a ‘release’ for him, a soothing for him and step toward peace… it may sit better with you, and make it all more acceptable as a ‘good thing’. MUCH easier said than done… this i am 100% sure of… but is all I can muster to try to guide you through such a difficult time. This may be a time to write up some mantras that help you when he goes into this state… “This is his way of finding peace” … “This is his way of releasing resistance to what is” … “This is where he needs to go in order to find relief.” Perhaps that type of focus will ALSO help you feel peace around the episodes that might otherwise be so upsetting to you. Lots of deep breathing too… very important. You are a phenomenal soul Julie….you are doing a wonderful job navigating this maze – for you Ming and Anthony… xxoo
Robyn, your words are not only comforting – you seem to have an incredible way of intuiting my/other people’s predicaments. Lots of stuff for me to think about here – you really are so generous considering what you are going through – hell! I love the mantra idea – somehow you have made this palatable and do-able. You really are extraordinary! Love Juliexxxx
xo tears of empathy and comfort for you today ….
You too my good friend!
Julie, like Robyn I believe that dementia becomes a release for Ant’s soul, and a way to ease out of suffering.
A few years ago my grandmother ended up with a terrible infection, that left her in that half-world of existence for many weeks, where she no longer remembered things, or us. I watched her soul not quite disconnect from her body as she was in this state, but it always gave her the greatest comfort. I have also seen this same thing in a friend with dementia, and a friend at the end stages of breast cancer.
Their souls are left free of connection to the worries and reality of this world for a time. I truly believe that they are also beginning to connect into other spaces and places that we can’t access – whether that space is within them, or somewhere beyond that. On a spiritual ;level I believe it gives the soul time to reflect, to muse, to tie up loose ends, to prepare for what’s to come.
Still, it is a rough journey for those who can’t be with them in that space.
Look after yourself in all of this. Demise is a hard thing for all concerned and there is no ‘right way’ to do any of this. And no matter what people say, it’s bloody hard!
Much love to you. I think you’re amazing xxxxx
This is a very interesting response – thank you Nicole – you have given me much to contemplate! Juliex
It seems to me a very personal thing – if it relieves the stress on everyone in what is a very difficult situation, then it is better
It’s a tricky thing.
I absolutely believe its a blessing in disguise. The family member we love is losing their life, slowly their brain is not functioning as it should.
I would that for me that should this be my future that the dementia creep in good and fast to keep up with any other distressing symptoms. I think there is a lot to be said about both quality and dignity of life.
When either, or both go I’d hope to be blessed by short memories of my last days, and live in quiet thoughts of those long term memories that will sustain me. That’s my wish for myself, and it would be my wish for my BFF, my Bear of a man. Maybe I’m selfish Jules but it would break my heart watching My Bear’s dignity and quality of life being taken from him, just like I can read in your words it breaking your heart now for your beloved Anthony.
If I had a choice for my BFF .I’d rather he not have short term recall of any of that.
For what it’s worth. xoxo BB
This is such a thought-provokingly wise comment, BB – so grateful to you for your words. Considering your own health issues you are more than generous to even bother with mine – you are a very kind soul. Love Jxx
for some it could be offensive but then they would be offended through ignorance and prejudice. one time my blood pressure dropped seriously low and a side effect for about half a day was this strange phenom where my words were coming out of my mouth were not the words in my head. this was beyond frustration one my side and the nursing staff. i remember napping and when awaking my language skills had returned. i tell you this as a foundation for my opinion. dementia in my opinion is a blessing. if you do not know that you do not know then there is no reason to feel stressed, frustrated and embarresed. as the loved one caring it can be sad as it must be acknowledged and embraced that the person you expected to grow old with is not that person anymore. he is still that person but in a different form than you had dreamed of.
Your blood pressure story is so interesting – gives me a lot of insight – thank you so much!
Oh, that’s a tough one, but I think it would be frustrating for both parties.
Yes – very!
Guilt? You have no reason to feel guilty!!! You know in your very heart and soul that you are doing what is best for Ants, don’t you? As for the encroaching dementia, it seems to me that it would in some ways be a blessing for the afflicted but very hard on the care givers. God bless you.
Barb.
Thank you so much Barb – the guilt is unavoidable I’m afraid.
Probably a bit like suvivor’s guilt, maybe?
Yeah!
I cannot answer your question, but I can say that Parkinson’s has become much more well known here in the United States due to Michael J. Fox. I had never heard of it until Fox announced his affliction. Since I grew up watching Fox in “Family Ties” and “Back to the Future” I put the National Parkinson’s Foundation (http://www.parkinson.org/) on my annual donation list.
The disease has so many subtypes – all of which are called different kinds of “Parkinsonism” – Anthony doesn’t have the same variety as Fox because he doesn’t have the tremors. He has the paralysis.
The first thought in my head when I read this post was, “Do you have a choice?” The second thought was, “No matter the form, length of time, or any other specifics, dementia is cruel”. I don’t know, Jules. It’s one of those things that starts a wrestling match, physically, emotionally and spiritually, and no one in the midst of that tangled up wrestling match volunteered to be a part of it. ♥
Wrestling match is a great way of describing this.
Boy, that’s a tough question. Not sure of an answer. Not even sure of a solid opinion. My mom is lucid less and less with her Alzheimer’s, but that’s no guarantee of not being sad or afraid. She gets frightened when she’s confused or when she can’t remember her name or where she lives. But when she’s living in the past, she’s fairly happy. There are just no guarantees from day to day.
Very tough.
My Grandmother had dementia – I believe it was Alzheimers even though it was not diagnosed. She had been ill for many years with a condition that caused her joints to fail. Dozens of surgeries and hospitalizations. We eventually had to place her in full time care because she was too fragile to be cared for at home. Every time she met someone new she would recount her illness and it became her identity. This was so sad because before her illness she had been an amazing woman – accomplished and independent, funny with a great sense of story telling. When she began to forget things she seemed to forget the most recent things first. By the time she was not quite sure who I was I saw that she no longer remembered her illness and that wit had returned. For me it was a precious time when she told me all her stories – as fresh as the first time I heard them. I remember thinking that this dementia was oddly a blessing.
Thank you for this lovely anecdote about your grandmother – bittersweet isn’t it.
There are many mansions or levels of consciousness. great wisdom appears to be foolishness. I like to think they have found Heaven on earth.
What a lovely thought.