I remember the day that Parkinson’s Disease first snarled its way into our lives. We were going to the doctor’s for a regular appointment for skin cancers on Anthony’s face and I was extremely annoyed that he wouldn’t drive himself into town (this is nearly a decade ago).
Me: Why the hell won’t you go anywhere by yourself anymore? I feel like a chauffer. It’s my day off and I wanted to do other stuff and now I’m stuck driving you into the doctor’s because you were stupid enough to not wear a hat all your life.
Anthony: I just like your company.
Me: Well, I like your company too but I just don’t get why you always want me to drive and be with you every time you have to go somewhere. I don’t get it! I’m sick of it!
Anthony: Jules, I don’t think I can drive anymore.
Me: What? Since when? What are you talking about? Of course you can drive!
Anthony: Something’s gone wrong with my reflexes so I need you to drive me.
Me: But you’re not that old yet, Ants. Come on, you can drive. What is it? Have you lost your confidence or what?
Anthony: Ever since that time we went to Perth and I went up a one-way street and you screamed – remember?
Me: Oh, so it’s my fault is it – that’s just great – thanks for the accolade.
Anthony: Jules, please don’t cry.
Me: Do you think something else is wrong with you then?
Anthony: Yes.
An hour later, our doctor determined that Anthony probably had Parkinson’s Disease and I swallowed my snarl.
jmgoyder 
What a shock that must have been!
Yes.
How lucky you were that he recognized it. So many people go through terrible times trying to persuade someone the time to stop driving has come. Sometimes the need arrives because of a disease like Parkinson’s, sometimes it’s just advancing age. I know I dread the day I can’t drive any more – especially since there may not be someone to drive me!
It was definitely a mystery solved because I had been wondering why Anthony was getting sort of clumsy.
It was lucky that an accident wasn’t the first warning sign but so difficult to find out that way.
And I was bitchy that day – argh!
Hindsight is a luxury etc etc 😉
Very true!
Terrifying
Yes
so many times I have been snarly then found out later I should not have been – but we are not seers – and you wanted Anthony to be all right, so you refused to see (at least that is how I am–I should not put my attributes onto you). waking up to something like this is so hard.
I guess I did know something must have been wrong because Ants was having difficulty taking the lid of the vegemite etc. but you are so right I didn’t want to face any more troubles – argh
We see a lot of things once we know what to look for. “Oh, so that’s why…”
I know and I hate it that I didn’t know if that make sense.
My friend used to say to me (when I berated myself for not knowing everything), “You’re not that special.” (Like you’re not expected to be superhuman.)
Good one!
that is so sad, and yet Ants knew. I guess I did wonder myself about Al as I saw sneaky little things that would show themselves to me, causing me to look back at dad and the way he had Parkinson’s. Thank goodness dad died before he got to the stage that Al is now
I am feeling absolutely bereft tonight and you and Jo are only ones who know what this it like.
I can’t say I know what you are going through, but I do completely sympathize and empathize. I know that day in the doctor’s office must have been horriffic, but aren’t you glad that Ants insisted you drive him? You were there for him just as you always have been. You are truly amazing!!
Barb.
Not amazing – barely coping….
The amazing thing is that you are coping,
Barb
Only 50% of the time.
I remember my mom’s terror, frustration, anger, confusion, etc. about Dad’s months of strange behavior…until the diagnosis, which put all things into perspective. Dad’s first sign was the shuffle, like a penquin, then the scrawl of his handwriting, then the confusion on telephone calls…The driving came soon thereafter. Your conversation description reminds me so much of how Dad was like Anthony – tolerant and so patient with Mom’s frustration and confusion – like he’s the comforting one towards the maniacal wife. Sorry.
Hey, that’s just us women – living out of our emotions instead of dealing with the facts, and that’s one lesson I learned – just not letting emotion overcome good sense.
Lots of big hugs and Texas love from me to you. I’m cooking peas today. 🙂
You are so right because Anthony is still the tolerant and patient one and I am still maniacal – hehe!
Unfortunately, seeing into the future isn’t hardwired into our genes.
Well I knew he was gonna get old first but not all this!
Oh this story really breaks my heart Julie…. I can only relate in that there came a time in my ‘disease’ that I lost my ability to maintain equilibrium on the road. It hit like a ton of bricks, I was going for my 1 year post-op apt after my breast cancer surgeries. The road started spinning and I felt like I had no control of my senses. I was someone who used to drive 5 or 6 hours at a time in my work daily, and enjoyed it. This took me completely off guard… Took me hours to get home – pulling off highways every few minutes and riding with my hazards on, calling my husband and sister in complete fright to be told maybe it was a ‘panic attack’?? . It’s now 10 years later and I never improved… can get around on small country roads, but every attempt to go over 50 mph on a straight highway again has backfired. It’s so hard to accept this kind of loss. I can only imagine what you and Anthony went through…. Tears ~ so not fair. xo
Your driving experience sounds horrifying.
What a weird experience this must have been. Going on to take care of skin cancer, leaving with a Parkinson diagnosis. Lots ot take in a single visit.
Yeah, I just thought he was getting old and frail – that would have been okay!
Crap. I guess I should stop being bitchy to Cap’n Firepants. Although he’s the one who’s always making comments about MY driving, so maybe he needs to stop being bitchy to me.
I can’t imagine you ever being bitchy!
Well, maybe a bit….
At least Anthony knew something was wrong and didn’t just continue to drive and pretend everything was fine……….I do not know how I would cope if I was in your position………
To begin with I tried to make him drive (because he loved driving) but it became too risky.
This cuts right to our hearts. It is very touching and honest. You are so brave.
Bella and DiDi
Thanks doggies!
From 0-seconds to…… minutes later and both of your lives changed forever. I did not realize it has been nearly 10 yrs since he was diagnosed..for some reason. I still cannot imagine how you do it, you & Ming. I think Anthony has the mercy of the disease on his memory in some way and although he is aware of what is happening to him he is blessfully cushioned in ways. I so do not mean to minimize what is happening to him, I trust you know that about me Jules. My point is that until we walk in your shoes knowing what the pain is like tand what you are looking at, what you refer to as snarly may be hard for us to see. I know you don’t believe me because you do not see it in yourself, but from where I come from, reading your honest and raw posts
tells me how balanced emotionally you are. I know when the rocker feels about to fall off its rockers it may not seem that way to you, but sweetie you handle events and emotions that you share with us with much grace and dignity. For you both, You & Anthony. .
So you go on now and get snarly when you want when needed, it’s the way some of us cope. Being snarly when confronted with such things is not the same as rude meaness. This you are not!
Had to have my say you know~ BB
Thank you BB for this wonderful comment. You are so generous and kind with your wisdom. I adore you! Jx
Right Back at you my Blogging sister Jules. You have come to be someone I have grown very fond of and feel deep affection for. ~ always BB xoxo
Glad you got to snarl first. Sounds as though Anthony handles it well. So does my John (not that I’m ever grouchy–he’s just always wrong, and I’m right:) I love how practical Anthony is. He deals with whatever’s thrown at him. After my snarls are done, I shake my fists at the heavens. That’s fun too.
I still snarl at him occasionally, but very rarely now! You are so funny about John.
I don’t know what to say…this is so heartbreaking.
I’m beginning to think this disease is having a greater toll on me than in it is on Anthony – argh!
Such a hard thing to have to give up – driving=independence! And, repercussions for the entire family’s routines!
Yes and it just sort of crept up on us.