I thought I’d try something new today and combine two completely different things into the one post.
Above: From left to right – Daffy, Ola, Woodroffe, Seli, Diamond, Pearl, Godfrey, Zaruma.
Below: From left to right – the ‘End of Life Requests’ form that I have been asked to fill out and return to the nursing lodge. I am supposed to discuss this with Anthony I think but not sure if I can. Anyway, I haven’t been able to find a pen.
jmgoyder 
I understand (hugs)
Thank you! You are a generous soul.
You are my friend – I wish that I could help
That’s a lovely thing to say – thank you!
Hugs.
How am I supposed to ask him if he wants to be cremated or buried – hell, we have never discussed this stuff!
wow, JUlie, a photo of your many friends, and a form to fill out for e.o.l.
i know that if the time ever arrives when Ants is no longer there, that the animals will bring you great comfort…………i would not want to be given that form, no matter how i feel about the daily grind………….makes life seem more real
I can’t fill the form out and have decided to avoid it until tomorrow – too weird and difficult.
i don’t blame you. i would put it on the table and leave it alone as long as i could
I guess I got a bit of a shock.
Receiving that letter is something like getting an unexpected ice cold shower.
Yes yes yes
When you do fill it out, just do your best to guess what Anthony would choose. You’ve been speaking for him for some time now. Just do it once more and say nothing more about it. There you go. My two bits’ worth again.In the end you always know what to do. You don’t need us to tell you.
I do appreciate your two bitsess -ha!
We’re all waddling to the same end, aren’t we?
Very true – ha!
😦
Yes
please find a way to talk about this while you still can. from the very beginning i knew this was something we had to talk about. after we made our decisions we spoke to the rest of the family so they would understand how important this was to both of us. my poor man had a very difficult time at first. even though he knows i am dying there are certain formalities that just put it in your face. only you know if you can have this conversation with ants. for you i hope the burden of making these decisions can be shared with the man you have shared your life with.
i continue to think of you and send you my best wishes along with warm hugs.
I don’t know – still mulling it – thank you so much! Oh yes and I read a post you wrote today then it disappeared.
had lunch today with a friend whose husband also has parkinsons, so i asked her if they have talked about a living will. she said no and in the end it will be her decision as he is not willing to discuss this with her.
as you know i have taken care of this and we have discussed openly my choices. it still comes down to no one can know his heart the way you do. no matter how much the rest of us want peace for you in the end only you can know how that peace will come to you.
loading pics somehow caused the whole post to be lost:( frustrating
How wonderfully generous you are to even reply to me when you are the one dying – I have no words for how much I admire you!
Heavy. I was going to comment on how I always try to mesh everything into one blog post, but that form kinda just jumped out of the dark, huh? Must be so difficult. xoxo
I thought it would be better than overposting as I tend to do!
oh, that hits heavy…praying for strength and guidance for you and Anthony and Ming Jane
Thanks Janey!
I understand how difficult this may seem at the present time, Julie. But it’s really important. When things get ‘difficult’ and you are even more emotional (than you are today), you will find it even more difficult to make decisions. I think these are decisions that you and Anthony should discuss & share now. Together. There is no ‘beating about the bush’ on this one.
My elderly parents and I often discussed death and dying over recent years. My Mother got very frail physically, but was more mentally alert than me. All 3 of us agreed we didn’t want to be kept on life support with no quality of life. None of us wanted a funeral (my older brother was horrified when I let that one slip – he has strong religious beliefs).
But when my Mother passed away so quickly in the early hours of the morning after an ambulance dash to the hospital in Feb this year (her aortic abdominal aneurysm had burst), my Father was distraught and certainly not capable of making ANY decisions. Even today, 5 months later, he can’t talk about the ‘end’ without tears in his eyes.
My Mother passed away as she wished. Quickly, minimal pain and no loss of independence or lengthy stay in hospital. I am so glad we talked about these things together. My two brothers who are estranged weren’t present at these discussions, but I’m so glad Mum, Dad & I had our talks.
I guess we are all different and no one likes to think about the end of their lives on this earth, but talking now will make it easier later.
Thanks for this Victoria – wise words from one who knows. Your parents sound so lovely and you must miss your mum terribly. Juliexx
I can understand you dear Julie, it is not easy. I wouldn’t want to be given that form, too…
Daffy, Ola, Woodroffe, Seli, Diamond, Pearl, Godfrey, Zaruma, they make me smile… Angels be with you dear Julie, Thanks and Love, nia
Thanks Nia!
Interesting juxtaposition. Why not let the ducks fill it out? Absolutely too weird and difficult for sure. When you are ready, the pen will appear, until then, go play with the ducks.
Good idea!
Jules, this is so touchy. I am not sure if you have done this yet,( time difference) but my suggestion for what it’s worth is to have a professional with you when you approach your beloved Ants. A person of the clergy, a nurse, a social worker, any 3rd objective party that can help get the conversation going. I’ve a feeling from that point of you’ll be fine and find your own words you want to say. We have hospice here and when my mom and I needed to discuss this she flipped out on me….. so I had a hospice minister come around and she took to that and made me feel like a fool. Oh Well.
For me having that objective 3rd party there seeemed to take the pressure off me, I did not have to be the one to force those hard questions.
I cannot once again image being in your shoes. I’m grateful now that Bear and I have spoke about such things, and even our kids are aware of our wishes.
This is so not fair that this is on you but what are you going to do? My mother once told me that if I thought life was always fair someone had lied to me. So true.
I’m just a bit angry on your behalf, No offense or disrespect to your Anthony of course. Just pissed at the situation you are in and the “have to”‘s you HAVE to face every day.
Cheeky Baroness jugs sent to you my amaxing pal. I’m so grateful for your friendship Jules,
I am your devoted fan. ~ BB
Thanks CC!! I haven’t filled it out yet and I have decided to do it by myself because it will only upset him and what’s the point of that when he is in this final stage of PD? Your idea of a third party is good though because I really need that when the time comes to tell him that coming home at all is impossible (yeah, I know am going around in circles)/ Love Juliexx
Sweetie, how could you be doing anything else but circles. You have never done this before. Besides that there is no right or wrong way about any of this, what it is should be is Julie’s way, and about Anthony’s care. Just as you are doing now. That’s it. It takes a lot of “figuring’ as to what to do, and then there is Ants symptoms and treatments changing all the time. Your emotions not ever having time to process – they are running in circles too. Go figure.
I absolutely agree with your plan to do the paperwork yourself. What point is it to force an issue like this on someone who is still in his mind fighting for his life. I also believe too sweetie that you have a good idea of your Ants beliefs. You cannot have loved and lived that closely without learning a thing or two about one another. You two may not have discussed this particular issue, but knowing him like you do I trust you have a good idea at least of his belief system.
Please promise us one thing,; that you will not beat yourself up ever for following your heart in this. I don’t know Ants of course but my feeling is that he’s be telling you the same thing.
I’m most grateful Jules that you did not feel I was over -stepping my privledge of our friendship. Giving advice is never a good idea, but this time I could not keep quiet. I trusted that you would know where I was coming from. And you did. Thanks so much for that my friend. ~ your CC
Thanks so much for your generosity in bothering to even comment on my self-pitying slop – I seem to have almost lost my sense of humour but you are an inspiration and I am gonna look out instead of looking in for awhile – loveya!
You made my day already Jules!! Waking up and having coffee while reading messages from favorite people like you is a perfect way to start any any day. I’m just late today.
You’re not whining Love, only venting and certainly that’s what good friends are for.
I’m here any ole time for you as you are, and have been for me. Just take care of you my friend please. ~ BB
You are a good person BB!
May God go with you to this discussion. One the wife and I did many years ago… blessings…
Thanks bulldog!
BIG HUG.
You too – thanks Diana!
I have been here, it wasn’t pretty. But at the point Momma’s condition is, the decisions were made by the Farmer and I, simply because of Momma’s state of mind (or lack of). If you can handle it, make the decision. If you can’t, find help. This probably didn’t help much, but I feel ya, and sending a Hug to you!
Thanks so much Jo – you know it for sure. Julie sending love to you in your own dilemmaxxxx
You’re having to deal with strange and new things all the time these days.
Why don’t writers have pens? I don’t have one pen in this damn house and I stirred my coffee with an orange colored pencil this morning.
**My family does know I want to be cremated or whatever costs the least amount of money.
Big hugs Julie. That form is some tough stuff.
Never any pens – argh – thanks Melissa!
ugh I’m bawling over the silent post… so hard Jules, it really breaks my heart. xo
Yeah, I suddenly don’t seem to be able to pick myself up and forge ahead but I am really trying for Ming’s sake – not succeeding very well at the moment. The other day, when I went in to the nursing lodge to see Ants, he wasn’t in his room and I found him sitting in an armchair near a locked doorway. He was looking blankly at the sunshine outside.
Not something you needed to be thrown your way right now. I agree with your decision… it does not seem as though Anthony can really think it through and tell you his true wishes on this right now, and initiating the discussion is sure to cause you more stress than you already have.
I am certain you will make good choices as his advocate, and even if you have never discussed it specifically, I might imagine you have instincts about what his preferences might be. You also need to make things as easy for yourself as you possibly can, as there is enough burden already weighing on you. Sending hugs and may your beautiful birds and other animals bring some brightness to you daily dearest friend xxoo
I came up with the perfect solution today – Son took the form in!
Take your time. Each step you’re taking is hard. My family knows I value quality of life over quantity. When it’s my time, I don’t want to be “brought back from the brink” over and over again or put on machines, but I’d like to avoid pain.
Exactly my thoughts – thank you and take care.
I do not know how I would go filling out such a form it would be so hard
http://jo-annemotherandnanna.blogspot.com.au/
As a secretary I dealt with similar forms and people’s feelings about them, and am so sorry you have to do this now. I will add that I don’t know about Australia, but in the US it is extremely important that you have your wishes written down, and what it can mean to someone who didn’t.
It’s an awful thing to have to tackle now. I hope you’re feeling ready to forge ahead soon.
I’d like to think Anthony was deep in a pleasant memory brought on by the sunshine.
Yes, you have to fill these forms out of course but not easy – thanks so much for your thoughts!
The important thing right now is for you to get sufficient rest, nutrition and hydration. Talk to your priest friend about this form later. Thinking of you and wishing you the best.
All sorted now – sort of! Thanks George
Have to share that you have such good friends here Jules. It’s nice to see, nice to be part of ~ BB
I feel very lucky – had no idea the blogsphere was so compassionate – amazing!
I have wonderful neighbours and family friends too of course but you guys are pretty special!
How did Ming go with it? Is it all done? Were they both ok. I kind of imagine those too very pragmatic men just getting it done with some humour and with their practical natures. Love you all and it is just a bit too surreal quite frankly.
Today I just quickly filled the form out, put it in envelope with my thank you note and poem to staff and gave it to Ming to give to head nurse and that was that. Tomorrow I have to go in and do the verbal stuff – argh!
Oh dear…that would be a really difficult one…
Yes.
You need the light to balance the dark. Sending hugs.
Yes and thanks so much!
Alternating realities It’s surreal, isn’t it? Life and business go on even though your heart is shattering in a million pieces…
Yeah
Go with what you know about Anthony. You’ve known him for years. You’ll make the right choice. (Usually the first thing that pops into your head is the right way to go……)
I’ve done it now – thank you!