“Danny and me is gonna get marrieded, Andony,” Ming pronounced after watching Three Weddings and a Funeral with us one Saturday afternoon.
“Are you just?” Anthony said, bemused. “When?”
“When we get all growed up – probly next year.”
“Who’s Danny?” I asked. Ming had never mentioned him before.
“He’s my bestest, bestest friend in the whole wide world.”
“I thought Dillan was your best friend,” said Anthony, passing me the popcorn.
“He is, Andony!”
“So why are you marrying Danny?” I asked.
“Because Danny and me hates girls.”
“But I’m a girl,” I said, indignantly.
Ming giggled, hysterically. “No you’re not, Mummy – you’re a woooomin.”
“Girls grow up into women, you know,” I said, passing Ming the popcorn.
“Oh.” It took Ming awhile to absorb this, but even when the penny dropped, he resumed laughing – (rather unkindly, I thought later.)
“Is Danny a new boy?” asked Anthony.
“He ownee comeded yesterday, Andony,” Ming said, his eyes alight with the elation of having made this new friend.
“Pretty quick courtship, then,” Anthony muttered to me, grinning.
“We don’t wanna do it like that vidido .”
“So how are you going to do it – the wedding?” I asked, intrigued.
“Jus out in the forest, just in a fort. We can build it.”
“Sounds quite nice,” I said. “You better invite him over.”
“NO!” Ming exclaimed, looking worried, and passing Anthony the popcorn.
Anthony and I glanced at each other, mystified. “Why not?” we said, in unison.
“He’s too special.”
I told my friend, Sue, the next day, over coffee, thinking that she, too, would see this as cute. I’d forgotten about her conservative streak.
“You need to put him straight, Julie,” she said.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, it’s not natural, is it?” She frowned.
“It seems okay to me. He’s only four. Actually I think it’s quite beautiful,” I said.
“But what about, you know, the implications? Don’t you think you should explain that marriage is between a man and a woman and not … you know?”
“For goodness sake, Sue, he has a little-boy crush on another little boy. You’re making it sound like it’s somehow wrong.” I was getting annoyed.
“There are issues here, Julie,” Sue retorted.
“What – like he and Danny might grow up and find they still want to get married?” I laughed. “It’s not likely is it? And who cares if it is!”
“Well it’s much likelier if you don’t put a stop to it,” she said adamantly.
We finished our coffees and parted, agreeing to disagree.
When I told Anthony about Sue’s disapproval he roared with laughter. “Probably a bit homophobic, poor thing,” he said.
I hadn’t even thought it through to that extent – it seemed ridiculous to do so, but the really great thing Anthony and I discovered inside ourselves was an acceptance of whatever path Ming chose to take, sexually.
But I’ll never forget Ming’s words to me, back when he told us about getting married.
“I reeeelly love Danny, Mummy – way up to the sky.”
[Note: Sue doesn’t like popcorn]
jmgoyder 
i really enjoyed this. i love how a child thinks, and you do a good job of portraying this
I love these memories!
That’s the one thing I miss about being a child. There are no limits. Anything is possible and anyone can be loved for who they are without judgement.
Yes!
Great story! I need to write down more of my children’s stories while I remember them, too.
I wrote a lot down while he was little and had a parenting column for a couple of years so I have some great memories written down – yes it’s a good idea to write it down before you forget (I’m trying to do that now with Ants).
I love him way up to the sky — how beautiful!
Lovely story of yesteryear… and a great memory… at four years of age do you think a child’s sexuality has developed..??
Who knows!
I love this and agree. I just want my children to be happy.
It was good to have that discussion with Ants when Ming was so little.
It’s amazing to me how some folks get all worked up. When my daughter was 5, she asked if she could invite Michael to her birthday party. I said yes, she said good ’cause we’re gonna have sex. I could have freaked out but I said, “oh? What’s sex”? and she said I dunno, but we’re having it!
On a side note, it’s hard to trust someone who doesn’t like popcorn, just saying…
Oh I cannot stop laughing at this story of your daughter – hilarious!
Brilliant – I think it was popcorn Sue needed more than anything else so she could see things more clearly and open. So what happen to Danny ?????
They have remained friends but gone their separate ways!
That is a great ending on a great story and what happen to Sue ???? Still not eating popcorn ????
‘Sue’ was actually a couple of people – it’s okay. I believe that everyone has the right to think, write or voice opinions so all is good!
Okay …. yes, I totally agree with you – still I think a couple of popcorn wouldn’t hurt them. *smile
poor Sue – we should feel sorry that she could not enjoy such a lovely story
She was anxious.
Poor Sue.
She (who was really two people) was just worried.
if only more parents felt this way!! my son played with my youngest sister who is 3 yrs. older than him. she and her friends (all girls) would dress him up and put make-up on him. my dad had the sue talk with me and much like you i thought it laughable and didn’t care as long as he was happy. he grew up, got married and has 6 children. as far as i know he no longer wears girls clothes or make-up:)
I was surprised at the time that Anthony (being of the older generation) didn’t have a problem with Ming’s intense crush on Danny! Your story of your son is fantastic!
sometimes we get it right don’t we?
Sometimes!
Love this. Kids are raised with so many “rules,” it’s nice to know they don’t understand a lot of them. Glad you let Ming “love” his friend.
Their love was mutual and so sweet at the time. It finished when Danny punched Ming in the nose over a tractor toy!
That is so sweet. I love that you did not choose Sue’s reaction. Yours was perfect!
Sue, of course, is a fictitious name that encapsulated a couple of people’s attitudes at the time.
Julie,
Love is so simple at that age. The age is also a time of discovery about self. As young children we emulate our parents actions, our friends actions and can love so simply and purely. We make “bestest friends” who we want to spend the rest of our days with, and in the next moment can hate that person with equal venom!
I took a lot of early childhood ed, and taught preschool to 2nd grades for a very long time. The best way to handle a 4 year old’s emotional highs was to do exactly what you did, with lots of acceptance and saving your humor for later in private. I have to laugh, because in my preschool teacher days it was the men who came unglued when they walked in on their sons in heals and mommy’s dress, and more often than not, with a swaddled dolly in their arms!
😉
~ Lynda
Early childhood is such a shiny time (or it should be) – love your comment – thank you. So funny about the men who came unglued!
What a cute story! My eldest wanted to marry his best friend too, which was a boy, because he was his best friend. I thought there are some worse ideas out there. Then he moved on to wanting to marry me (http://perfectingmotherhood.wordpress.com/2011/03/23/mama-im-going-to-marry-you/). Personally, I liked that story better! 😉
I just read the post you linked me to – how beautiful!
I’m with Sue in the homophobic group. However, I have two girlfriends who I have loved deeply that didn’t turn into a sexual situation. My pastor speaks of David and Jonathan’s deep friendship that was pure; I like that thought. I think love can be deep without crossing the moral line.
I like the fact that we can agree to disagree so thanks for this comment. I remember Ming’s kid crush on Danny (which lasted a few weeks) like it was yesterday – I guess it was a time in his life that preceded rules and definitions and categories of people and it made us (Ants and me) come to terms with how we felt about future possibilities. I wish now that we had foreseen other possibilities too, like Anthony’s illnesses.
Proving that prejudice is learned.
Good on you for not making a big deal of it.
How lovely and you got to work out at that early stage that it didn’t matter what Ming chose. He’s a lucky boy.
He is, at 18, a definite heterosexual but it was a great lesson to me/us about everything!
So precious. I too wish I wrote more down… It’s amazing how the untainted heart/mind of a child works ~ loved it. xo
My grandson dressed up as a girl character for Halloween when he was three. She was his favorite television character. It was his choice and bravo to mom and dad for allowing it. That night people thought he was a girl, but we didn’t care. He was just three and playing dressup. Sue needs to relax and eat some popcorn. 🙂
That’s sweet re your grandson – ha!
Some people read to much into the stuff children say…………………but as you said it showed how much you and Ants just loved your son and would be willing to accept him not matter what..
Bravo to you and Anthony. As a society we put too much time into teaching children about limits. Oh to be young and so open hearted!
Such a sweet story. You handled it so well. An open mind is a wonderful thing.