Me: Hi, Ants, are you okay?
Anthony: Yes – when are you bringing me home?
Me: I couldn’t do the lunch arrangement and home as well today.
Anthony: I see.
Me: What’s wrong?
Anthony: I’m down in the dumps.
Me: Why? I thought you enjoyed the lunch.
Anthony: I did but then you made me go back. When am I coming home?
Me: Okay, Ants – I can’t manage you at home. You’re too heavy and I can’t do the nights.
Anthony: Why can’t we try?
Me: We have tried, Ants -please stop torturing me! And, by the way, why didn’t you speak coherently at lunch? Can you only do it when you’re telling me off?
Anthony: Okay, okay, Jules – please don’t cry.
Me: I’m doing my best, Ants! I thought lunch today would be great.
Anthony: I love you more than life, Jules – I’m sorry.
Me: Well you have a funny way of showing it – okay, I’m sorry too. Why did you have to get this stupid, rotten, bloody disease?
Anthony: I don’t know. Am I coming home tomorrow?
Me: Yes. Maybe.
Anthony: Are you picking me up?
Me: No – I can’t lift you so it’ll be the wheelchair taxi again. Ants, you know my blog?
Anthony: What?
Me: You know the blog I write?
Anthony: That clock story you wrote – remember that?
Me: No, not that. Well, anyway, I wrote about you today and admitted that I avoid you sometimes.
Anthony: Why?
Me: Because you are a pain in the neck, but I still love you.
Anthony: Jules, I have to go – it’s teatime.
Me: Okay, seeya, babycheeks.
Anthony: Jules?
Me: Yeah?
Anthony: You are wonderful.
Me: You’re not too bad yourself – I’ll ring you later to say good night – love you.
Ming: Will you idiots get off the phone so I can ring Davie? Oh, hi Dad – yeah seeya.
jmgoyder 
it is hard to be so loved and not be able to take care of your mate the way you want to–but you are doing a wonderful job whether you think so or not
I’m happy to hear that your experience was better today.
Ming always/usually makes it better!
Julie, this had me in tears here… in all this toughness you both goes through is there the biggest thing of all- LOVE and you tell each other – fantastic.
Viveka -you are so right – thank you!
Julue–glad things went smoother today for you…
Thank you Susan!
I am glad you had a better connection today.
Such a cacophony of emotions here Julie — I love that you two can be so honest and open… I hate that Ants had to get this horrific disease that has taken so much independence from him and presented you with probably the largest challenge of your life… I love that despite it all Ants and You have a bond – a LOVE – a FIRE , that will not – cannot be extinguished no matter how incredible crappy the circumstances get. Just hold onto that every night before you go to sleep and breathe deeply through the crap. Love you Julie ~ xo
Cacophony is the perfect word.
OH – and I love how Ming just sort of “hangs cool” most of the time and is there to hold you up in a quiet kind of way!! xo
Thank goodness for Ming’s pragmatism!
i don’t know if this is how you felt during that phone conversation, but when Al bugs the crap out of me, about wanting to die, inside I just want to scream! i can not help him just like you can not care for Ants at home. i love my brother and you love Ants. the pain is very similar, we hate hurting the ones we love, but……………….we have to survive ourselves………………love ya so much my friend
A touching post Julie – thank you.
Sounds like a nice rebound over yesterday – sweet.
So glad you could at least have a conversation with Ants today Julie. Once in a blue moon I manage to get a sentence or two from my precious mother when I call. I’m always so grateful for that.
Yes, very true – thank you.
You ARE wonderful!
I am NOT!
R 2
Love him. and you. and Ming the vroom herder. Damn good bunch. Now i’m gonna go kick something. (no, not a bird…maybe a cat. okay, a rock…a rock I said!)
xoxo
U
How is the rock?
farther away than it was, but better than my toe…next time, I’ll put my shoes on.
Conversations like this must fill you with some mixed emotiions
I love that you and Anthony are able to still so clearly connect with each other. Thanks for sharing.
Our phone conversations are much better than our face to face conversations – weird!
Sounds like a loving family to me!
Your son just cracks me up, with his breath of fresh air.
Kids are the best aren’t they!
Are you going to give us the link to the clock story?
Ha! It was my first ever published short story – I will have to find it now you’re asking!
It’s such a struggle for all of you. What a horrible disease!