jmgoyder

wings and things

Good questions!

on October 9, 2012

When do you last remember being a kid?

Today, when the counsellor asked Ming this question he had to think for a long moment before admitting that it was in primary school – seven years ago.

When do you last remember having a dad?

The answer was the same – primary school. Ming remembers Anthony picking him up every day when I was at work. It was Ming’s first year in high school when Anthony’s health began to deteriorate dramatically.

Of course these questions were asked after Ming and I had already divulged various details about Anthony’s illnesses, my grief and Ming’s anger. I had shed tears about Anthony, Ming had explained his wanting to be in control and we had laughed a lot. The counsellor was surprised by our mutual willingness to seek help. She said that usually one person is willing and the other reluctant. Ming immediately said, “I just want to fix our relationship.” More laughter.

It was also mentioned that Ming and I are more like siblings or partners than a mother and son – yes. It was good, it was great, it was exhausting so we came straight home instead of going to see Anthony because he is at the heart of the conflict between Ming and me and it seemed best to take our lighter selves home rather than risk a visit that would make Ming heavy with anger and me with sadness. Selfish? Yes. I have already tried to ring Ants but no answer so I guess he has been seated out in the sun which he loves. When I do get hold of him I will tell him about the appointment and reassure him that I will be in tomorrow for a red wine.

On the way home Ming asked his own good question:

Why didn’t the counsellor give us the answer to our predicament?

“That’s next week,” I said, laughing my head off!


31 responses to “Good questions!

  1. victoriaaphotography says:

    Sounds like the session with the counsellor went very well, Julie.

    May I suggest you tell Ming that the counsellor will probably not give you the answer to your predicament. He/she willl probably draw you both into a discussion whereby you can resolve it yourselves. You are both intelligent, sharing, caring and loving people and I’m positive an experienced objective third party will just just help you find the path to ‘enlightenment’. .

    THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN STUMBLING BLOCKS AND STEPPING STONES IS HOW YOU USE THEM (says a wonderful poster taped to my fridge door – author unknown).

  2. sbcallahan says:

    as you know i am sure we don’t give answers, why you might ask,, well julie it is because (and now you must be sworn to secrecy) we don’t know the answers:) a bit of selfishness is like a bit of anger, it keeps us mentally healthy and physically healthy! these are not bad things.

    wishing you peace of mind

  3. diannegray says:

    It’s amazing what comes out in a session like that. The counsellor will give you time to get everything out (and that’s the answer!) I’m so glad you have Ming and he has you – the dynamic duo! Well done 😀

  4. bulldogsturf says:

    Sounds like a very fruitful visit… Julie I hope your relationship improves… two standing together is much better as both fighting their own battle… my prayers are with you two… and my thoughts..

  5. tootlepedal says:

    Because of course, she doesn’t have the answer, you do.

  6. A step in the right direction.

  7. Robyn Lee says:

    This was great Julie…it sounds like you and Ming had a successful first appointment… It’s a start! Yes – I also am more of sibling with my own parents… sometimes maybe I can be the “older sibling” too 🙂 It’s fun at times… but maybe in times of crisis difficult too. Like others said — the therapy will be a conduit for you and Ming to find those answers … to be more able to embrace and handle the’ predicament’ ~ I think it will be wonderful for you two. And for the wine date ~ want to hear more on that new routine ~ excited for you there:) xo

  8. artsifrtsy says:

    You have to come to the place where you see the answer for yourselves. You saw a part of it today – keeping the lightness when you have it instead of loosing it over a sense of obligation.

  9. Rhonda says:

    You are an amazing and inspirational family Jules. Love you

  10. Colline says:

    I think the counselors expect you to find the answers within yourself – and those will come when you are ready. All they do is guide you towards finding them.

  11. terry1954 says:

    i am so glad it has gone well so far!

  12. an amazing beginning – I am like Ming–why didn’t they just give you a solution (lol)

  13. Beautiful! Ming is an extraordinary boy.

  14. If that counselor gives you any answers at all, I would like to make an appointment with him, too!

  15. Yes good questions and it is good that you find seeeing the counsellor helping

  16. So glad you are both seeking and getting help. Great decision.

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