jmgoyder

wings and things

Concertina conversations

on October 11, 2012

Anthony’s increasing confusion confuses me! This afternoon, our conversation fluxuated between ordinary and bizarre on a minute-by-minute basis. Ming and I were there for a couple of hours and these were some of the things Anthony said:

“So where are we all sleeping tonight?”

“E. came to see me today.”

“No, I don’t hallucinate at night. I get locked up and nobody is here.”

“Don’t bring me any more of these cakes because I can’t stop eating them.”

“Where will you be tonight?”

“Where do you live now?”

“I’ll just have a tiny red wine, Jules, that whole glass yesterday did me in.”

The reason I get confused is that a totally lucid sentence can be followed immediately by a totally wacky sentence, then some mumby jumbly sentences, then a lucid sentence, then another wacky sentence and on and on it goes. I find it difficult to keep up, and to know when to go with the flow or contradict Anthony (for example to reassure him he is not locked up and there are plenty of staff around all night).

I don’t feel tragified by this because we had a good time with Ants and, even though he can’t smile or laugh properly, Ming did lighten the mood with his antics (doing a dance with one of Anthony’s walking sticks, kissing Anthony sloppily on the nose, being cheeky to the nurses and to my mother when she arrived to partake in the red wine session.)

Leaving to go home is always hard. After I kissed and hugged him goodbye, he said:

“Couldn’t we try me coming home for the night?”

“Where are you going now?”

“Do you still live at Bythorne?”

“I love you.”

Concertina conversations!


40 responses to “Concertina conversations

  1. I make about as much sense as Anthony sometimes, but at least he has an excuse — I am trying to be light hearted in a situation that may not warrant it–but I am sure it is hard for you to keep up sometimes.

  2. jmgoyder says:

    It would be easier if it were paragraph by paragraph rather than sentence by sentence – quite disconcerting! BTW you always make a lot of sense!

  3. How nice that your mom pops in as well. 🙂

  4. As I’ve shared before I went through this with my Dad. The confusion actually preceded the worst of the physical problems. One day we were shopping in the grocery store and he told me, “There is a giant polar bear walking through the store.” As expected I got that sick feeling in my stomach and tried to assure him that there wasn’t. Off he shuffled looking for the bear. It was the fastest I saw him move in a long time, insisting there was a bear all the way. Well, wouldn’t you know it; the 8 foot tall bear was standing next to the cereal waving. It was the store mascot. My father looked over at me and said ” Got you!” That story still makes me smile. Hold on to the good times Julie and have a glass of wine for me.

  5. mimijk says:

    It sounds like you traverse the terrain of these disjointed conversations wherever they go – and that is arguably the best one can do. You are remarkable Jules and I send you a gazillion hugs (which is an awful lot of hugs)..m

  6. victoriaaphotography says:

    It’s all so terribly funny and terribly sad at the same time.

    I don’t know how you keep your sense of humour. Just as well Ming has got a sense of the ridiculous and can play along.

    I guess you’ve just got to Go with the Flow and hope that Anthony is entertained and comforted by your presence.

    (Love the bear story too).

    I used to lose the plot a bit before I started the B12 supplementation, but some of it was that I plain couldn’t hear properly in a noisy office & thought colleagues had said something entirely different to what I heard them say, so I gave pretty dumb answers at times. Now I try not to converse in noisy places so I don’t get caught out.

    • jmgoyder says:

      I so admire you for coping with your condition and knowing what you can and cannot do, Victoria.
      I love your idea of the ‘sense of ridiculous’ – yes!

  7. dogdaz says:

    MIng is handling the dance so well, because that is what it is a “dance of words.” As you follow Ants lead and you able to dance with him. You are doing beautifully it appears. Summer is coming for you, remember to take in the warmth.

  8. terry1954 says:

    the confusion is so hard to deal with. i have this confusion with Al but in a different way. he gets confused about what i say right now at the present. he does seem to not understand, and therefore cries and wants to die. if we are talking about the past, there doesn’t seem to be any real problems with this, but if i say the most simple thing, like Al we need to get your slippers on, he will say what? I don’t understand, why? and then start crying. this seems to happen every day now, a lot of the day also. very frustrating for me, because as he becomes sicker, I have to verbally guide him through the day, and this in turn, wrecks both of our minds.

  9. Judith Post says:

    It’s amazing, isn’t it? My mom’s Alzheimer’s does the same thing–you never know what’s going to pop out of her mouth. And sometimes, when I decide to just go along for the ride, she nails me for it, like when she says, “I have to leave soon. Mom’s expecting me home soon,” and I say, “I don’t think Grandma’s there right now,” and Mom gives me her slit-eyed look and says, “Why would she be? She’s been dead for ten years….” and you know she flipped from living in the past to being very alert in the present–all in one conversation. It’s just part of it.

  10. Paws To Talk says:

    Sorry about all the confusion! Sometimes we mumble to ourselves and the humans wonder what we are saying.

    Bella and DiDi

  11. bulldogsturf says:

    How difficult it must be as his sense of humour is probably also an on and off situation… Don’t know what to say… as for the fluxuated which I got from your next post… couldn’t agree with you more…

  12. artsifrtsy says:

    I know with my grandma there came a point where she became less concerned about getting the details right – she became annoyed at corrections. She did not have parkinsons – so I know it’s very different. I actually came to enjoy her flights of fancy at times – I just joined her momentary reality. I think the struggling time was much harder – her wanting to get things right and knowing that she was off. I admire that you find humor and are so brutally honest with your situation – take care of yourself.

  13. Tough time. But you’re learning to cope with it. Good for you.

  14. Robyn Lee says:

    you do keep such an admirable sense of humor Julie… you find the bright spots everywhere you possibly can… keep that going my friend xxoo hugs to you

  15. Julie, I was just reading all the responses on your post. You have a very supportive group following you. You are a lucky woman. Bend an elbow for me too next time you sip wine with Anthony

    • jmgoyder says:

      Too bad you can’t come over and bend an elbow with us!

      • life is a bowl of kibble says:

        I am trying a Red Chili Wine tonight. And yes, I said chili. As in the Red Chili pepper. It leaves a bit of heat on the palate but it is pretty good. It is made in Demming New Mexico. Poor Anthony would really be confused if he were to drink this one. I dare say he would not be alone. I was pretty confused myself. I either drank enough to think its good or it really is good. 😉

  16. HIs confusion and confusing statements must be terribly difficult for you all.

  17. Tammy says:

    sigh, another beautiful post…it tears at my heart to read your posts, and you’re so wonderfully honest and giving when you share these times with us. Thank you, Julie. If it comforts you at all, your family’s plight has educated me and I have awareness that I don’t know I would’ve had before I “ran” into you and your blog.

  18. kdkh says:

    So have you thought about spending the night with him at the nursing lodge, rather than taking him to your house? Would they allow that?

  19. It does take some getting use to when they jump all over the place in a conversation but after a while you get use to it well me and mum did my pop had times during his last days when he would jump all over the place when talking to us.

  20. I think you need to start dancing with him and make up bizarre sentences on your end. Your husband might just snap out of it and think you’ve lost your mind. I think you could both use a good laugh once in a while. 🙂

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