jmgoyder

wings and things

What next!

on November 9, 2012

Two phonecalls tonight with Anthony.

I rang him at 7.30pm to say goodnight then he got a nurse to ring me at 8.30pm. During both conversations, Ants was convinced that I was having an affair and that everyone was telling him that. I thought he was joking to begin with, then realized he was serious. He said, “Jules, I have the shakes.” I kept saying not to be so ridiculous and, luckily, the nurse was there in the background of the second phonecall to reassure him.

This evening confusion thing is escalating and now we have a brand new ingredient: jealousy.

Anthony: It’s that man they told me about.

Me: What man? Who told you? What are you talking about?

Anthony: He kissed you.

Me: Nobody kissed me, Ants, please Ants, are you kidding around?

Anthony: Okay, Jules, sorry, I was just pulling your leg.

Me: Well, it’s not funny – don’t joke with me Ants like that – please!

Anthony: So where are you now? Is he there?

Me: Who? Ming?

Anthony: No, that guy we were just … that guy, that man … Jules I love you.

And it went on like this for awhile until the nurse intervened, reassured me on the phone and gave it back to me to say goodnight to Ants.

It is going to be okay. I know all about dementia so I am prepared but this jealousy is so new it flabbergasts me.


34 responses to “What next!

  1. Sending you a hug…big one.

  2. Must be heartbreaking for everyone to deal with. I’m very sorry.

  3. sbcallahan says:

    this may have been something that lurked in the back of his mind but he dared not say. you being the young beautiful thing and he the older man. it is unfortunate it is being said now and for that i am sorry for you both. just because we understand something intellectually doesn’t mean we aren’t hurt by it. hoping this will pass soon and be replaced by something more pleasant!

  4. robincoyle says:

    What a roller coaster for you. Dementia wields a cruel hand. However, kinda nice he loves you enough to be jealous.

  5. tersiaburger says:

    Steel yourself against the disease! Hugs xxx

  6. cecilia says:

    Oh dear, love love.. c

  7. mimijk says:

    Trying to hang in there with you Jules..much hugs, me

      • mimijk says:

        I know it does – there is nothing one can say to alleviate or change that reality. It stinks – big time. It robs everyone within the family – the afflicted individual certainly – but spouse, kids…it skewers everyone. And yet…and yet there is life. Ming’s life. Your life. How to make sure that you are caring for yourself with gentle hands and appropriate time and attention. It is as essential as breathing.

  8. victoriaaphotography says:

    Thank goodness you have some experience with dementia in your nursing career – all the same, it must be distressing to hear this turn of conversation.

  9. Hugs to you Julie. ❤

  10. It really is sad the way they get so confussed and so jealous

  11. diannegray says:

    How awful for you, Jules. I’m sending you big virtual *hugs* xoxoxo

  12. bulldogsturf says:

    Julie, I’m glad to hear you know all about dementia, it is in our experience (Linda and Mine) a very hurtful time when the mind starts to imagine things. Linda’s Mom went through it before she died and the things she said to Linda that hurt her to such an extent she found it difficult to visit her Mom in Hospital.. Where these thoughts come from.. who knows but I did see one comment that I totally agree with he loves you so that a stupid thought is enough for him to declare his love for you… and that’s what you need to remember and forget the rest…. Hugs to you though…

    • jmgoyder says:

      You are right. I wish I lived closer to the nursing lodge so I could just drop in when these episodes occur but we are a good 30 minutes away. I know that isn’t very far but this always happens just before he goes to bed.

  13. Much love to a strong woman..

  14. Fergiemoto says:

    Even with your experiencing and understanding of dementia, I imagine it is still very heartbreaking…

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