jmgoyder

wings and things

Love story 124 – Ming’s Christmas present

on December 3, 2012

Oh, I have been so so excited about Anthony’s, and my, idea for a Christmas present for Ming this year. Ants and I have been discussing it for some time but have finally made the decision to do this (I can’t say what the Christmas present is in case Ming reads the blog; he hasn’t for some time, but you never know).

This will undoubtedly be the last time Ants and I collaborate on this kind of thing, for two reasons: 1. Ants’ dementia is getting worse; and 2. Ming is nearly 19.

I guess it is these two factors that punched me in the face this morning when I drove Ming into music school. I mentioned Christmas Day and said Ants would be coming home for the day and Ming’s reaction to this was so horrible that we ended up having our first row for weeks.

We made up for lost time.

While Ming and I were yelling at each other, I thought of Ming’s Christmas present – the only thing that has elicited a bit of enthusiasm from Ants for ages.

Since this morning’s row, Ming and I have had another, followed by a tentative truce in which he said, “We only have each other, Mum”, and I said, “You wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Dad.”

And now he is in his room and I am in mine and Anthony’s phone isn’t working.

Ming asked me today what I wanted for Christmas and I said, “Wings”.


31 responses to “Love story 124 – Ming’s Christmas present

  1. Why is he so opposed to him coming home for the day?

    • jmgoyder says:

      Ming and I shared ‘night shifts’ for a few years before Ants went into nursing lodge. I did most of this but sometimes Ming had to do stuff (ablutionary) and not only did it exhaust him, it disgusted him. That is the sad truth.

  2. I can’t wait to hear what gift you and Ants decided on for Ming!

  3. Sorry, Julie. Hope he improves his behavior.

  4. tersiaburger says:

    Oh Julie, as if you don’t have enough on your plate. Vic’s youngest son becomes “Mingy”when she is ill. As a toddler he would nag for days to go see her in hospital. In SA children under the age of 12 are not allowed to visit ICU patients. It took a lot of organising to get them to see their mom. Once we arrived there he would actually become quite rude and just say he want’s to go home. They are just scared. Lots of love and hugs!

  5. mrs fringe says:

    (((((Hugs))))) The reality is that chronic disorders/diseases effect everyone in the family, and they are HARD on kids. Progressive ones are terrifying.

    I’m glad for all of you that you’ve had this one last opportunity to collaborate on a gift for Ming.

  6. lucewriter says:

    I can imagine your pain. Having young adult kids, it doesn’t surprise me, though.

  7. Northern Narratives says:

    I think you already have wings. You must be an angel for everything you juggle.

  8. terry1954 says:

    this is so sad. You each love Ants, but each have your own pains and ways of dealing with it. I hope Christmas is good for all of you

  9. Robyn Lee says:

    Oh Julie ~ 😦 So sad to hear this…. ok…holiday’s illicit stress reactions for many — fingers crossed he comes out of room with new perspective… and also that for now ~ you find wings xo Love beautiful strong friend of mine…

  10. It is sad that you and Ming had a fight, is he worried how the day will turn out since Ants can be temperamental, maybe he doesn’t want anything to spoil the day for you and him and is worried that if Ants has one of his moods it will be…………

  11. Oh Julie, if I had wings I would wrap them around you. As it is, I am sending you huge virtual hugs. The day can not be ruined if there are no hidden expectations. Past fear and hurt are hard to forget but they can provide a lesson on accepting each moment as a just that–a new moment in time. Be well friend. I hope Ming learns some acceptance. You amaze me with your strength.

    • jmgoyder says:

      Wow – wonderful comment – thank you so much! It struck me that maybe Ming is the only one of us who actually has accepted the reality of now – not sure.

  12. pixilated2 says:

    Julie, so much stress for you both and it has to come out somewhere… I’m sorry you two fought today. I know it hurts you both. (((0)))
    ~Lynda

    • jmgoyder says:

      The aftermath of our arguments is always to make a new plan – Ming is good like this – a bit overanalytical but he always wants to make it right again.

  13. Susan says:

    I hope we will get to know what the present is when the time is right!

  14. FlaHam says:

    Julie, the saving grace in all of this, that you both look at the situation, and you know that it can’t continue, so together you find ways to mend it. And neither of you ever burns the bridge. Take care, — Bill

  15. eof737 says:

    Wings! What a great idea. 😆 😎

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