I had planned to get Anthony home today, then decided to wait until the weekend so I could also invite some friends to see him. So I left a message with the nursing staff this morning, then rather guiltily rang him this evening. I needn’t have worried because Anthony thought he was home anyway. This is how our rather strange conversation unfolded:
Anthony: Jules, I’m at Bythorne [that’s the name of our farm]
Me: Are you?
Anthony: Yes, where are you?
Me: Well I thought I was at Bythorne.
Anthony: That’s okay then.
Me: Why do you think you’re at Bythorne, or are you kidding?
Anthony: I don’t just think I’m at Bythorne; I AM at Bythorne.
Me: I thought you were at the nursing lodge.
Anthony: No, I’m at Bythorne! When are you coming home?
Me: I won’t be long.
Anthony: That’s good. I miss you.
Me: Well you sound pretty happy.
Anthony: I am! I love you, Jules.
Me: I love you Ants.
The dementia that is part of Anthony’s Parkinson’s Disease always kicks in after sundown (I blogged about ‘sundowner syndrome once before). But this is the first time he has thought he was at home.
I felt a surge of joy about this because he sounded so happy, but it was a bit surreal.
Julie- are you sure you are the one who is at home?
Oh very funny!
What he is thinking ‘inside’ is important… if he thinks he is home… and is happy… in my mind I would feel he is ‘in a good place’. Does that make sense? It’s only what I think… I feel it would bring comfort knowing he really is okay. What we feel inside… is most important. I’m not an authority on anything, Julie… I hope you don’t mind what I felt when reading your special post.
I’m so thankful ‘to be back in touch… you are always ‘there’ for me on my blog, and speak to me… I’d like to be here, also. I can’t believe all my things were going to SPAM… I don’t even know how that happened in the first place. :))) They won’t slip by me… anymore.
Oh thank you and what you say makes perfect sense!
I’m glad you understood me…. that meant a lot to me. :)))
I hate “me too” people… but, ME TOO! I had been thinking that very same thing, Grannyscolorful! 😀
Ha!
It’s ‘challenging’ to say the least to ‘roll’ with how Ants is at the moment, but it was good that he was in a happy frame of mind…I do remember having to do so with my Mom when dementia started to set in….(long time ago)..Diane
Treading a fine line!
You handled it so beautifully… now… to just get it so he thinks you’re there at the same time as him too! Hugs. (you continually amazing me)
That should read — You continually amaze me with your heart and grace.
It gets a bit tricky because Ants can be a bit of a joker too!
I just had a similar experience with my mother. She was in the ICU. When I walked in to see her, she politely told me that she was expecting her daughter any minute. When I said, “Mom, its me”., she repeated she was waiting for me (by name). I said, “I’m she”, just as my husband walked in. She looked at my husband and said, “Where is your spouse?”. He looked at me and said, “Right there”. She finally shook her head and said, “I guess you think I’m confused. If you say you’re her, I’ll just take your word for it. But you could tell she still had doubts. That was the beginning of alot of confusing conversations. Its funny but its sad, too. You have to decide when to agree and when to set the facts straight and it isn’t always easy.
I guess it’s a matter of rolling with punches – so far Ants never fails to recognize me but the time will come. Your story is bittersweet.
The mind is very powerful. I realize that it must have been surreal having that conversation but if Anthony is happy at home in his mind, that is a wonderful thing. His stress levels will be way down and that is an all around good thing. Stress is bad for everyone. 🙂
His confusion is getting worse and making me confused too now!
Doesn’t matter where Anthony thinks he is as long as he’s happy there.
I agree.
I’m glad that you found a happy moment. You deserve one.
Thanks, Tom.
Julie, soft smile, we take the joys as they are given to us, we sometmes forget the circumstances, (and while we really don’t forget them we are allowed to put the circumstances aside for brief moments) and find the joy as we can. Yesterday you found a brief moment of joy. I am so happy for you. Take care, Bill
Ants is coming home for the afternoon – fingers crossed it will be okay!
Interesting, but if he’s happy rather than anxious, why not? Your post matches the WordPress photo challenge theme of home quite perfectly today. You just have to include a photo of your home. 🙂
Argh – I should have done the challenge – haven’t done one yet!
I guess all you want at the moment is for Ants to be happy, so I can understand you elation after the phone call. My friend’s husband had alzheimers, and he was rarely unhappy; just got a bit annoyed with himself occasionally. She also had some surreal conversations with him. Hugs to you.
Usually he is a bit upset in the evening so this was a relief!
A couple of years ago I had a chat with the president of the company I was working for – also the son of the founder of the company. His mum had passed away. His father has been dementia for many years and he probably didn’t know that his wife was dead.
So I asked about his father and he said that: dad is where he is .. with the fairies and he are happy there – so that is a fantastic comfort for us, the family. Because so long as dad is happy in his world we are happy.
That we can’t communicate with him – and he doesn’t recognize us … don’t mean anything – so long he are happy. I think that was so wonderful said and unselfish.
I think this phase will be next for us.
I can imagining that it’s not easy to come to that acceptance.
Hopefully this will be a recurring theme. It must be so great to have him smile!
I hope so too!
sun downers is definitely something else. i have taken care of so many patients that become opposites of night and day with this
It’s a bit disconcerting!
I have dealt with sun downers for many years. I don’t think it really has anything to do with the sun, but more the darkness and restless sleep syndrome. I may be wrong though
Oh, Julie, this was a wonderful post: a snapshot of the mixed emotions which can be involved. I had to read your dialogue to Phil. It was so perfectly unassuming, and funny, and beautiful. And, as you say, surreal. I’m glad Ants was happy. And I hope the visit goes well at the weekend.
He’ll be home soon – yikes, I better clean the house!
It’s actually good that he thinks he’s at home and you must have found some comfort in this.
I thought it was good too.
I felt very happy for Anthony reading this, because he was expressing his love for you and he was in a happy place.Tears welling up in my eyes, too but I get that way with things that are sentimental.
Thank you so much for understanding.
I LOVE onthehomefront’s question! 🙂 Seriously, though, don’t you wish that he could live under those pleasant delusions all of the time? Happiness makes life worth living.
Yes I do wish that actually.
Happy is happy and is good. ❤
Absolutely!
Sounds like it was a good phonecall. If he thinks he’s at home he must be feeling happy. 🙂
Yes and phew.
What an apt title to this post, Julie.
This sounds like a wonderful stage of Anthony’s state of mind – I hope it continues for a while (and you’d better hurry up and get ‘home’ too).
If he’s in a happy place, that’s all that one could possibly wish for.
Definitely!
We take our comforts where we may. I’m glad he was feeling like he was at home. It is strange, but if it makes him at ease, then I think it is a good thing.
Strange but very good.
It is true ~ and if he felt like he was home – then he was. ~ xo Love u Juie!
Very true – thanks, Robyn!
Love love..c
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Julie, you’re doing a good job there. Sending big Texas love across the waves…
At least he was happy
My grandmother came to a place where she forgot the physical pain and suffering she had endured. I found that she had her same sparkling personality that she had before her illness began. She didn’t always remember us, but she was a spitfire and told great stories.
I agree, happy is good. 🙂
The brain is such a strange thing.
He sounded happy that;s good… Julie. 😉