jmgoyder

wings and things

Where is Mum?

on March 21, 2013

I got a bit of a shock yesterday when Anthony asked if I knew where his mum was.


42 responses to “Where is Mum?

  1. Mmm, a new phase starting?

  2. Oh! I remember the first time I heard my mother call out for hers. Heartbreaking.

  3. janeslog says:

    I had an old uncle who kept asking about a Mrs Yuill when he was elderly. Nobody knew who he was talking about until someone remembered he had a neighbour of that name who had passed away 30 years previously.

    People seem to remember people and events from years ago but not what happened 5 minutes ago.

  4. It just is not easy it it? We get these good and bad surprises in life and are expected to deal with them — (((hugs)))

  5. victoriaaphotography says:

    So sad. Were you able to answer or was that too difficult?

  6. Tammy says:

    😦 seems unfair to have to go through the heartbreak of losing your mom more than once in life… I hope it is a passing phase.

  7. Oh that would be a tad disconcerting!

  8. fgassette says:

    It must be hard going thru the changes. My prayers are with you.

    BE ENCOURAGED! BE BLESSED!

  9. FlaHam says:

    Julie, I am sure as soon as you heard those words, it pushed you emotionally against the wall, and might have actually moved you physically as well. While you see the impact of his disease on a daily basis, It is a shame to see it so up close and personal. Please take care, Bill

  10. FacetsofLucy says:

    My mother, who at 83 still mostly has her faculties about her, lives in a nursing home with alot of Alzheimer’s-affected folks. She said sometimes when they talk about their childhood and want their parents and childhood, its a little infectious. As in, yeah, she gets caught up in it and thinks she’d like her parents, too. Its just all sad. i’m sorry for you both and for everyone who has to face these memory issues. Its like you begin to see you’re losing them mentally long before you do physically. Hopefully, this will just be a flukey occurrence with Anthony.

  11. tootlepedal says:

    That would be a shock indeed.

  12. That must have been so disconcerting. I would definitely be asking the nurses at Anthony’s lodge for their opinions because I’m sure that they get asked similar questions by their charges everyday. I’d be scared to agitate him or get him sad. I feel for you Jules, HUGS.:)

  13. artsifrtsy says:

    I’m sorry to hear this Jules. My grandma seemed to go back in time, forgetting us then her son (who she confused with her brother) – eventually she knew that I was someone who cared about her but she couldn’t place me and got me confused with other people. The upside is that she forgot she was sick – that was the silver lining – the bitterness just left.

  14. dcwisdom says:

    It’s part of it. Dad hallucinated a lot and saw Mexican children in the room. He would ask Mom, “Now who are you? Do you have any children? Are you married? Where’s my wife?” etc. Funny/weird thing, though…He always seemed to recognize me even when he didn’t recognize my mother. Yes, definitely in the heartbreaking phase. Crying, wondering, grieving with you…

  15. Hopefully, if he is occasionally going to revisit his younger years, he finds some good memories there to play with. Sorry about each new shock. I never subscribed to that view that you are only given as much as you can handle. I think we just handle what comes at us because there isnt really any other choice. I hope it gets easier.

  16. Virtual hugs Julie and a hope for something to calm your heart.

  17. tersiaburger says:

    Oh dear friend I wish I had words for you. Hugs!!

  18. {{{HUGS}}} No words for this. Sending all my love and support your way xoxo

  19. Judith Post says:

    That’s pretty normal. My mom keeps telling us she can’t stay at holidays because she promised her mom she’d be home early. She’s living more and more in the past.

  20. Lynda says:

    Julie,

    It is hard when they lose their way in the timeline, and it does catch you off guard. You don’t know whether to tell the truth, or make something up. I’m sorry.

  21. terry1954 says:

    that is sad Julie……….

  22. elizabeth says:

    My mother sometimes calls me Mammy. It’s so sad.

  23. shoreacres says:

    Mom occasionally would talk about people I didn’t know. But the real shocker was years before she died, when she first had moved to her sisters. She was really busy around the house, and I asked her why all the activity. She said that “Dad and the girls are coming to stay, and I need to get out fresh towels and change the beds”. Uh – “Dad and the girls” (her sisters) had been dead for decades. Oh, my.

    The funniest one was the day she asked me in the hospital while still under some post-surgery drugs if I knew where her daughter was. Being a smart cookie, I said, “No, but I’ll go find her for you.” I went out, took a turn around the nurses’ station and walked back in the room, saying, “I hear you were looking for me”. And all was well. 😉

  24. Oh. It is very sad. I understand.
    My father died of Alzheimer’s in July 2011.
    The last time I saw him, he did not remember me.
    But I remember him, the one who cared for me when I was very young.
    A year after he died, in July 2012, I wrote a short story about the last time I saw him:
    http://storieswithnobooks.com/2012/07/31/love-is-stronger-than-alzheimers-disease/

    .

  25. Zyriacus says:

    How well do I know this situation! My mother in law (88) is constantly asking for her (long dead) sisters, calls her husband “father” and doesn’t find her ways around the house she is living in for more than 30 years. As she tends to aggressiveness very much also, it is very trying to care for her. Add to that my father in law (90) who after several strokes and a near lethal bowel operation is fitted with a stoma pouch, you may figure the situation we have to face. However, there is no wish nor necessity nor thought of putting either of them into an institution. But I understand very well how much more you must suffer seeing your husband in such poor a condition. Wishing you much strength and keep the ability to value little joys like the clutch of guinea fowl.

  26. WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

    I wish you strength, wish you well.

  27. kirstyelgar says:

    Oh how sad, I am scared of the day coming when my nan asks about her family. How does one respond to that? I write a blog about caring for my nan if you’d like to take a look http://livingwithdementiablog.wordpress.com/2013/03/26/the-dinner-and-the-sandwich-showdown/

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