If only….
Last week we were having a bit of a family reunion. My brother and two of his children had come over from Honiara to celebrate the birth of his first grandchild. My other brother, wife, and three children were going to stay with us overnight on their way to Perth the following day for their children’s basketball commitments – all three are high-level athletes. My mother was glowing with the pleasure of our family together because we all live at various geographical distances.
It was a lovely evening and we were all sitting out on the front veranda eating and drinking and enjoying being together. Ming took the kids for a little joyride on the back of his ute (truck) and all came back exhilarated and wanting more. When I realized he had taken them off the farm, I said not to do this again and all was well. I heard him being asked to go again and I heard him say no.
When I received Ming’s frantic phonecall a bit later I was confused because I thought he was in his shed at the back of our farm, entertaining his cousins and a friend. I had been inside the house doing some foody stuff when he took off again for another joyride with the kids in the back; I didn’t even know he’d gone again. He had lost control on gravel 2 kms away and smashed into a tree.
Before continuing with this difficult post, all of the children are now out of hospital except one niece who needs to be fitted with a skull to hip brace. Her best friend is out with a broken arm and my brother’s three basketballers are also out of hospital with healing fractures. All children will be okay longterm, with my niece, who has to have the brace for 3 months, most affected/injured and my heart aches for her.
But they are all alive, they are all alive, they are all alive. I am trying to counter my dread that night with this mantra that they are all alive and will recover and my futile thoughts of if only, if only, if only… and whatiftheyhadbeenkilled? are useless thoughts.
They are alive and will all recover. I think this is the most beautiful sentence I have ever written.
I have the most wonderful family with both brothers and families (even the magnificent children who were injured) sharing the responsibility of okaying Ming to take kids for that second joyride. We are all forgiving each other, and all blaming ourselves instead of each other. The next step will be to forgive ourselves. Ming has been hugged and reassured and forgiven by all family but he will be charged and go to court and he wants very much to be punished because he loves those kids so much.
A very hard lesson for all of us and a horrifying week, but we will recover in time and our closeness as a family is intact. Please, if you are a prayer, send prayers to all of the children but especially my niece still in hospital.
I won’t be posting again, or reading blogs, for some time. My main message here is in the title.
jmgoyder 
i am so sorry this has happened, and so happy all will be well again. you all handled it so well with ming and the shared decision and all that has happened. you are all in my thoughts and prayers. be well, all of you and we’ll look forward to your return one day when you are ready. hugs ) beth
Thank God they are all alive…I can’t imagine the magnitude of this nightmare and my thoughts, as always Jules are with you.
I am a prayer. And I send one for the children, and Ming, and the parents.
Julie–I am with you and my prayers are with the kids–particularly your niece–poor Ming (((hugs))) to you both
My prayers for you all and especially for your niece. As you expressed dear Julie, they are all alive and will be fine soon. God saved them… Love and hugs, nia
My thoughts and prayers are with you all.
xo
I will enclude the the kids in my prayers Julie. Thinking of you all xx
Thinking of you and hope in time all will be healed.
Oh my, Julie, so sorry for your troubles. Thank God they are all going to be alright. x
So sorry you are all going through this. Thank God they will be alright. x
So glad everyone is ok, Julie, but if only…………
Somehow we spend half our lives saying “if only”.
It seems like an eternity to get to the other half of our lives when we’re able to say “I’m glad we didn’t”.
But it will come.
Love & Healing Thoughts across the miles for your niece S. Hope Ming is able to find some peace and calm amidst all the worries and shock.
Vicki
x
Oh Julie, my heart bleeds for you all. I hope Ming finds peace soon. The if onlys , will remain and he will be able to think through to consequences more and resist pier pressure more. A very sober life lesson. God be with you.
What a relief that everyone is going to be ok. I’m thinking of you all. x
Jules, my heart is there for you and Ming. The strength and grace that you have is not surprising to me but I am so happy that the trait is shared by all of your family. The most important thing that we can do for each other is forgive. Thank the universe that everyone is alive and on the mend. Ming will grow and be strengthened by this and come out a better young man. That is how we get better in life by learning from our mistakes. You are always in my thoughts Jules
Thank you Laurie.
Praying. For you, the children, the families and for Ming.
Many thanks.
Love continues across the miles my friend, as do the prayers. xo
Thank you Rhonda.
Oh Julie, I can’t begin to imagine what a gut-wrenching week this has been. Thank goodness, indeed, that everyone is going to be alright!! Keeping you all in my heart….
Thank you Lori.
Prayers a plenty from my side…
Thanks Bulldog.
A very tough lesson.
Yes.
My precious friend, I am praying for you and especially Ming. An accident is exactly that…an accident! Much love and hugs. xxx We will all be here when you get back to blogging!!
Thank you Tersia.
Thank God they are okay. This was so hard for me to read. When I was a student at college I have five friends killed who were in the back of a ute when it rolled. Hadn’t thought about that for the longest time, but it all came flooding back.
Holding you, Ming, your niece and all affected in my prayers, meditations and heart.
What a sweet relief that they will all be okay, and that they will all have learned a powerful lesson.
Sending so much love to you all, Nicole xx
Thank you Nicole and sorry for bringing that horror memory back.
Jules, it’s fine. Just reminds me always how precious and fragile life is. So relieved that Ming and the others will all be okay. (((HUGS))) and love to you xx
Peace, Zen and healing thoughts to you all. Many positives can come out of this and it seems you are all open and accepting those qualities.
Thank you Annie.
I am so, so sorry to read about this incident. I can only imagine how distraught Ming and you are. I’m glad your relatives will heal, and I’m sending peace and prayers for all.
Thank you very much.
❤
So sorry for this difficult experience! My prayers for you and your family.
Thank you so much.
Oh Jules..
I am so sorry that this happened
. I am certain that all the kids & parents (including you) are dealing with some post traumatic shock
The most loving thing from you that I take away from this is you and your family recognizing forgiveness is so important for each other, but also so important for your selves.
And I see your loving and caring nature shine through your message of a warning to not ride or give rides in the back of a truck.
Thank you Toni.
Oh Julie I am so sorry for the pain you have been going through. . It’s so good that your family has weathered the storm and is intact and supporting one another. Just get your strength back.. mostly emotional I would think… and I will say a prayer especially for you little niece….. Take care… Diane xo
Thank you Diane.
I am so sorry this has happened yes it is not just Ming at fault here everyone is a little to blame but it was an accident and I can imagine how awful Ming feels, I am glad no one was killed that would had been to much for Ming to live with. I hope when it goes to court Ming is not to harshly punished as he has already punished himself. He is a good boy, with a good heart and feels so bad as it is.
Thank you Joanne.
blessings on all of you. My thoughts are with you all
Thank you Terry.
Jo. so sorry for you and your family – I just understand how tough it’s on everybody .. and poor Ming, my heart cries out for me and the guilt he are now struggling with. You’re so luck and it could be so much worst – everybody is going to be okay and everybody has learned a very tough lesson, not in a nice way – but accidents happens. My thoughts goes to you all.
Thank you Viveka.
My thoughts, prayers and wishes for a speedy recovery to all.
Dear Ming – You have a big heart! That and the lessons we learn are what matter most. We all have at least one moment we wish we could relive and change. And it is usually youthful folly. Hugs.
Thank you Linda.
Very sad, but it was an accident. Not deliberate, but an accident which could happen to any one of us. Gravel tracks are always difficult to drive over, cycle over and even walk over. One minute you are in control and the next minute you are skidding all over the place. It’s about as bad as ice.
We used to drive over dirt roads in the Land Rover on the Isle of Arran. I was always scared climbing hills and coming down them in the Land Rover in case we lost grip and crashed down a hill.
Poor Ming he must be feeling terrible, but he will get over it in time and move on.
Thank you Jane.
Sending prayers.
Thank you Paulette.
So sorry to hear about this – my thoughts are with you.
Thank you Heidi.
Wow, somehow I missed this. I am so glad it was not any worse, but my . . how scary. And Ming mujst feel horrible. May healing come both physically and mentally for all. Lord, help!
Thank you – such a terrible thing but could have been worse – still shaking.
I bet! You didn’t need one more thing!
How miserable and poor old Ming, as if he did not have enough..How terrifying these last few days will have been, let alone those first few minutes after the crash. Often I have to sit and think why, why do these things happen, what am I meant to have learnt here.. why.. but you are so right, they are all alive and your precious niece will have tons of support, especially from Ming i am sure..maybe this was what he was meant to learn.. mercy. What a nightmare.. I am going to stop eating garlic too, so my breath for Ming and your niece is sweet as i breathe for them across the sea. c
So very sorry to hear this, Julie.
You have my prayers and good wishes, especially your niece. But also, especially Ming.