wings and things

13. Bittersweet

on August 20, 2017

In recent weeks, Anthony is either in bed or in a broda-chair (armchair on wheels). It is a long time since he has been able to walk or sit in a regular wheelchair and, although he is able to weight bear to an extent sometimes, he is more or less bedridden now. I am becoming used to what is still a bit of a shock.

Yesterday, I visited in the late afternoon (something that I had intended to do more regularly – famous last words). He was in bed, looking very comfortable and content. I fed him his vitamised dinner which he gobbled, and some chocolate that I had brought with me. At one point he raised his hands underneath the blanket and they kept getting in the way of the spoon.

Me: Why are you doing that with your hands, Ants?

Anthony: Because I lost them five days ago.

Me: Oh! When did you find them again?

Anthony: Last night.

Me: Where were they?

Anthony: At the nun’s place.

Me: You mean Sister R?

Anthony: Yes.

Me: She’s amazing isn’t she.

Anthony: Wonderful.

We aren’t Catholic but we do have a very good friend who is a nun and she has blessed Anthony on several occasions over the years, so I put two and two together. The way Anthony’s memory works now fascinates me; it is fragmented and peculiar but sometimes wonderfully symbolic.

At around 6pm, he began to drift into sleep and, as I stroked his head, I felt a lurch of bittersweet emotion. I whispered goodbye and kissed him, thinking he was asleep.

Me: You are the most beautiful man in the world, Ants.

Anthony (murmuring): I know.


17 responses to “13. Bittersweet

  1. Heather Hugo junior says:

    Oh Julie that was so touching . How wonderful for Antony that you are responding to his underlying messages and are not getting caught up with the logical constraints of the English language . It must be hard for people with Alzheimer’s to be constantly misunderstood and dismissed instead of having insightful loved ones rolling with general concepts and validating their conversation as valid . You are a treasure !!

  2. just read this out to DH. he often sees my inbox and asks who’s this Jim Go Yonder? hope that’s given you a laugh. Sorry to here Ants is mostly bedridden now.

  3. susanpoozan says:

    Wonderful, he made me laugh.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Lace is fragile but strong and very beautiful. The holes make the pattern stand out and define the shapes of the design. Anthony’s snippets of memories seem like this. I love what you wrote and the way your love for him never waivers.

  5. Vicki says:

    The conversations may be a little weird at times, but they are truly unforgettable and unique.
    You are being continually blessed with these words and phrases.

  6. misifusa says:

    I love that you share these tender moments with Ants with us Julie! I have learned so much about going with the flow because of you. Thank you for inspiring us all and giving us peace. xo

  7. tootlepedal says:

    Once again your posts produce a mixture of enjoyment and sorrow….and learning.

  8. ksbeth says:

    emotion all over the place and such a lovely and funny end –

  9. Yes bittersweet indeed

  10. lensgirl53 says:

    Precious but somber…..hold onto to your faith in God. Hugs and love,

    Dale…Brandon’s mom

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