wings and things

My friend, Nicola

“Nicola” is a sort of pseudonym for one of my very best friends. The other night, Ming and I were invited to go to her place for drinks but the day got complicated with Anthony home again; unexpected visitors; food shopping; a dreadful hour back at the nursing home in the late afternoon when Ants was almost too paralyzed to get from car to his room despite my help; hurting my stupid back lifting him; Ming getting his bandages wet and me having to peel them off to see a much longer scar/wound than I’d expected, not being able to find the betadine, a rather nasty altercation with the beautiful brat, planning the exciting visit to see my youngest brother, wife and kids the next day and liaising with my mother about this; answering calls on my stupid, non-working, cutting-out phone; getting a headache; and forgetting to put beer in the fridge – argh!

But Nicola was expecting me so, by the time I’d done the bird feeding/watering/yarding, I was kind of ready to go but then Ming and I had another altercation and I ended up yelling at him because the same drugs that were making him all lovey-dovey are now making him monsterish – another argh!

So I rang Nicola and said we couldn’t come (I only told her a bit of the above which is already an abbreviated version of the hell of the day) and she said that it was okay.

I now think that the sentence, “It’s okay” is the best sentence ever invented because it says everything. When someone lets you off the hook of a commitment that you have broken by saying “It’s okay” your whole heart stops holding itself tight and starts beating out a beautiful soft song of gentle understanding and relief.

My reputation for letting people down at the last minute is something that I am not proud of but it stems from the days/years when I was looking after Anthony at home. I became reliably unreliable!

Thanks, Nicola, for your understanding and empathy and amazing friendship. You are a rock!



Put it on your God shelf with the soft toys

One of my closest relatives, and my best female friend, has been having macular problems with one of her eyes and, during yesterday’s eye injection (the last of a series – bravest girl I know), she experienced an unexpected searing pain after which something weird happened in her eye.

I was so worried about her but then she sent me this email:

No pain. Stop worrying. Just a black disc hovering (an air bubble evidently). Quite friendly actually. Nice little companion. Gets larger as I lean forward and I can cup it in my hand. Sweet little new friend. Honestly it’s nothing and I’ll miss it when  it goes! I’m going to the movies. I’m perfectly all right. If you keep worrying I won’t tell you stuff. Put it on your God shelf with the soft toys.

Her quirky words have reassured me!

This is a picture of my closest relative/best female friend and her budgie, Algernon. When she first got Algernon (we are not allowed to call him ‘Algae’), he was very nervous and didn’t want to come out of his cage, but gradually he is becoming more comfortable

My muse

My mentor

My mother