wings and things

My friend, Nicola

on December 30, 2013

“Nicola” is a sort of pseudonym for one of my very best friends. The other night, Ming and I were invited to go to her place for drinks but the day got complicated with Anthony home again; unexpected visitors; food shopping; a dreadful hour back at the nursing home in the late afternoon when Ants was almost too paralyzed to get from car to his room despite my help; hurting my stupid back lifting him; Ming getting his bandages wet and me having to peel them off to see a much longer scar/wound than I’d expected, not being able to find the betadine, a rather nasty altercation with the beautiful brat, planning the exciting visit to see my youngest brother, wife and kids the next day and liaising with my mother about this; answering calls on my stupid, non-working, cutting-out phone; getting a headache; and forgetting to put beer in the fridge – argh!

But Nicola was expecting me so, by the time I’d done the bird feeding/watering/yarding, I was kind of ready to go but then Ming and I had another altercation and I ended up yelling at him because the same drugs that were making him all lovey-dovey are now making him monsterish – another argh!

So I rang Nicola and said we couldn’t come (I only told her a bit of the above which is already an abbreviated version of the hell of the day) and she said that it was okay.

I now think that the sentence, “It’s okay” is the best sentence ever invented because it says everything. When someone lets you off the hook of a commitment that you have broken by saying “It’s okay” your whole heart stops holding itself tight and starts beating out a beautiful soft song of gentle understanding and relief.

My reputation for letting people down at the last minute is something that I am not proud of but it stems from the days/years when I was looking after Anthony at home. I became reliably unreliable!

Thanks, Nicola, for your understanding and empathy and amazing friendship. You are a rock!


18 responses to “My friend, Nicola

  1. Ann Koplow says:

    “It’s okay” IS the best. Thanks for this post.

  2. Rhonda says:

    You love, are much to hard on yourself. And your lovely friend saying ‘it’s okay’ should not be such a profound sense of relief to you my love, but I am glad it did give you some solace. We all say we ‘feel for you’, ‘pray for you’, ’empathize with you’…but my dear friend, we really cannot because we do not live one moment in the shoes that you wear. I love that Nicola said ‘It’s okay’..and I love even more that you know she meant it. for it is…and always will be, among those we love…okay! Okay? OoooooooKay! xoxo

  3. It may be ‘okay’ but it’ll get even better!….. Diane

  4. Terry says:

    I use that term a lot when people let me down. I don’t do too many things anymore because I am just too darn tired

  5. It’s nice to have friends who understand. πŸ™‚
    Take care, Julie!

  6. Vicki (from Victoria A Photography) says:

    Ditto to Ritika’s comment.

    The best friends really DO understand that some of us have complicated lives.

    But feeling obliged to go to social events after a rotten day makes most of us stressed out.

    One of the hardest things I learned was to say No, I can’t make it (due to hellish workdays, severe pain or no sleep for nights-on-end). Some people just can’t accept that we’re not all Wonderwomen who can wear a Smile and be sociable and jolly 24/7.

    (I have some wonderful friends who continue, after all my years of chronic pain & fatigue and requests for 24-36 hrs notice, to ring and want to make social arrangements with 2-3 hours notice, or less. I love them dearly, but I really do need to rest & get my brain/body in order to be energetic for social events. Even then, I can only converse for 2-3 hours before tiring and getting confused and exhausted).

    I hope the days ahead improve, Julie – maybe a tank of ‘laughing gas’ should be on Ming’s next shopping trip. You have enough to deal with without a recovering Brat getting ‘snotty’ with his drug regime. I guess Ming is also a little frustrated and impatient with recovery and having to take it easy for a while. Just as well he is so witty, amusing and loveable most of the time.

    Don’t forget to give yourself plenty of rest time too……Vicki xox

  7. One is truly blessed to have friends like that. πŸ™‚

  8. mimijk says:

    Your friends love you…and in that love, all is ‘ok’ when they know that so much isn’t. I’m grateful for your circle of love – it is wide and sincere and complete. And that’s so ok. πŸ˜‰

  9. Everyrone needs a “Get out of Jail free” card and It’s okay is a great verbal version of that. πŸ™‚

  10. It’s okay works for me. Great post. Hugs.

  11. dcwisdom says:

    Thank you, God, non-pressuring, understanding friends.

  12. viveka says:

    Jo, sometimes life comes in the way in our relationship and friendship – that is just the way it’s at times and I would say if our friends would say – No, problems … it’s okay – they are not really.
    Love your adorable photo and your heartwarming post … made my heart smile. Very good friends we have very few – but it’s them that make life so pleasant and cozy. …

  13. FlaHam says:

    Julie, your friend Nicola seems like the perfect friend for your (besides me of course). I am sure she does realize how you feel about her, the warmth you share, the specialest of the friendship, and that she shares the love you have for her. I bet she also remembers how unpredictable you can be about keeping appointments, and she loves you anyway. That’s why you get “It’s okay” with sincereity from her. And I am equally sure you return it as well. Please take care, BIll

  14. Oh my yes it does sound like a day from hell, and it does help when you hear the words “it’s okay” and know that it means it really is ok

  15. Judith Post says:

    I never thought of “it’s okay” that way, but you’re right. Two words that can work wonders.

  16. Trisha says:

    Friends who understand are such a blessing!

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