wings and things

If something is beyond your control, stop trying!

We have five peahens (female version of peacocks) who have been missing for about a week. As it is mating + nesting season here in Western Australia, it is quite likely that they are either hiding together and sitting on their eggs. But it is also likely that they have all been killed by foxes, and their eggs eaten.

All of the males are still around and call out constantly (imagine a wildcat’s yowl multiplied by several hundred decibels), but the only peahens still here are the two white Princesses and Gutsy9.

I have looked in the hayshed, listened for chicky sounds in the paddocks, and driven around the block in this little country town, searching for them – all to no avail – so now I don’t have any choice other than to give up and let nature take its course. I miss seeing those five girls fly into the trees at dusk and I hope they are okay and that we will see a few chicks but I am beginning to wonder now.

This didn’t happen last year because all but the two adults (King and Queenie) were still too young to do the mating thing properly – and I am still not quite sure how G9 survived before I found her!

I hope the peahens come back but maybe they are gone. There is no point trying to control what is, what was, and, sometimes, what will be, so I have stopped trying.

What will be will be.



Scrambled eggs

I made Ming scrambled eggs, bacon and tomatoes last night and he said the eggs were really different and fantastic! I said it was because they started out poached but ended up scrambling themselves.

I didn’t tell him I had chucked a massive goose egg into the mix.

Ah, control!



I latched onto a couple of quotes from two articles that I found on Monday and, when I read them to Ming yesterday, he was blown away. The first comes from this source:

“How does a person become controlling? It is basically a method of coping with the anxiety they feel beginning very early in life.  Some had parents who couldn’t quite fulfill their role as strong caregivers and seemed to be weak or incapable.

A child in this situation, as early as age 3, may begin to prop up their parents and become a little adult very early on.  If the stress continues, fear increases and the use of attempts to control what they can, becomes compulsive and unconscious. It is more likely to happen with children who are helpers, and/or leaders by nature, often first born boys or girls feel proud of themselves for helping and it is encouraged or reinforced by parents and other influential adults. They may also have a tendency toward anxiety, worry and perfectionism which will only make it worse.”

The second quote comes from this source:

“Controllers are often perfectionists. They may feel, ‘If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.’ …. Controllers are also controlling with themselves. They may fanatically count carbs, become clean freaks or workaholics. Conventional psychiatry classifies extreme cases as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder–people are rigidly preoccupied with details, rules, lists, and dominating others at the expense of flexibility and openness.


  • Does this person keep claiming to know what’s best for you?
  • Do you typically have to do things his way?
  • Is he or she so domineering you feel suffocated?
  • Do you feel like you’re held prisoner to this person’s rigid sense of order?
  • Is this relationship no fun because it lacks spontaneity?

If you answer “yes” to 1-2 questions, it’s likely you’re dealing with a controller. Responding “yes” to 3 or more questions suggests that a controller is violating our emotional freedom.”

I wasn’t sure what to expect when I read these quoted excerpts to Ming so it was rather lovely when he listened without angst and it was very interesting to see his jaw drop in recognition of himself and me. I guess you could call it an epiphany.

It was during our first session with the counsellor last week that she suggested  we might have control issues, so it was the word ‘control’ that stuck in my head and is why, after things went haywire on Sunday, I googled ‘control issues’ and found the above two articles. What would we do without google – ha!

“So I’m a control freak,” Ming said with a certain amount of relief and a tinge of pride.


“And it’s because I couldn’t control Dad’s sickness and your misery, and my back and all the shit?”


“So what do we do now?” Ming asked.

“Well, we’ve already taken the first step, kid.”

“What do you mean?”

“I am the one in control now so you can just freak off!”

His pealing laughter filled the house and my heart had a lovely little nap.

Sometimes I just want to go back in time!