jmgoyder

wings and things

Gelotology – the study of laughter

Today I discovered that I am just as skilled at laughing as I am at crying, so I googled ‘laughing’ and found another new word!

Today I told Anthony that I had rung the taxi company to get the money back for the unnecessary second trip yesterday and we would be reimbursed, but all he could say was, “I didn’t like the way that taxi driver put his arm around you.” I couldn’t stop laughing.

Today I wrote a blogpost about being nagged by Ming, our 18-year-old son and the first thing he said when he got home from music school was, “What’s this dirt on the carpet? You came inside with your boots on didn’t you.” I couldn’t stop laughing.

Today, one of our roosters, Tina Turner, who has taken over the whole chook harem, attacked me more viciously than ever before when I went to feed the hens. He drew blood! Well, I kicked him in self-defense and he somersaulted in the air. I couldn’t stop laughing (it’s okay, he is fine as you can see – he loves to dance on that table!)

Today I rang the guy who has repaired our nearly dead ute (truck) and explained why we still hadn’t picked it up and he started singing a refrain from that song ‘Julie, Julie, Julie, do you love me?’

I couldn’t stop laughing!

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Nag, nag, nag

Would you PLEASE wipe your boots before coming in! Oh look at this mess and I’ve just vaccuumed.

Will you ever remember to put your dirty dishes on the sink instead of leaving them on the table?

Do NOT feed the dogs in the morning. How many times do I have to tell you? Look how fat they’re getting!

You keep rebelling against me and it causes these catastrophes between us.

Our communication problem wouldn’t exist if you didn’t keep on breaking the rules.

There will be no more eating or drinking in the car – do you understand?

Look at your room! It’s appalling. When are you going to sort yourself out?

It’s about time you got OFF your bum and away from that computer don’t you think!

Do you understand the meaning of teamwork or do I have to explain it to you all over again?

If you ate proper meals, you would not have this disgusting midnight snack habit.

All of the above have been uttered by Ming to me.

Out of the mouths of babes ……!!!!!

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Pathetic poetry

Today is in the dustpan

except for what we planned.

The visitors brought some sweet delights

and I stopped Godfrey’s angry bites

The taxi driver picked Ants up.

but saw my tears and asked ‘what’s up?’

I told him of our history

and he extended his hand towards me.

The days are getting bittersweet

and breathing sometimes seems a feat.

The happy cancels out the sad,

the sadness cancels out the glad.

If I were to go way back in time

I’d find a more specific rhyme.

My heart is torn away from me

and I just want to be left to be….

a bee

on a flower

in the sunshine

or else a perfect syllable.

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Then and now

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It’s nearly spring!

Yesterday I posted a photo of our male white peacock’s budding relationship with one of our two white female peahens. Here are three more pictures of the same scene. Aren’t they beautiful?

Ages ago, the other white peahen formed a relationship with one of the colorful peacocks. What amazes me about the peafowl is the delicacy with which they approach each other – so different from the loud and very public ‘frolicking’ of the geese, ducks and, now that I have allowed the roosters to meet the hens, those guys too!

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I am stuck at home today because Centrelink (Australian social security organization) have booked me for a telephone appointment in order to put me on something called ‘Newstart’ (not this isn’t a drug!) while I look for a job now that I have had to resign from the university. They were supposed to have rung nearly and hour ago so I am beginning to get annoyed. Ming also has a phone appointment at 2pm to discuss what benefits he may be entitled to. I have been in and out of Centrelink since late last year when it became obvious that Anthony would have to be temporarily ‘placed’ in care on a trial basis so that I could go to Perth to be with Ming during his spinal surgery. Since then I have been somewhat remiss in providing information this organization has asked for so have done so in a haphazard way in between having several nervous breakdowny episodes, you know, getting down in the dumps!

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Yesterday I had the best visit to Anthony’s nursing lodge ever. Instead of sitting in his room to sort out the Golden Valley photos, we sat in the dining room with the big box of photos and, surrounded by nurses and carers going to and fro, we managed to find several more photos of Golden Valley from Anthony’s childhood time there, including of trees he himself planted.

During our treasure hunting I found a couple of photos of Ants as a young man and showed some of the staff and there was a lot of laughing and banter because he was posing rather arrogantly in just short shorts with his muscles flexing and looked a hell of a lot like Ming does now. The couple of hours I was there broke the ice as I have, so far, been quite nervous of the staff and almost sychophantically grateful. I am rather loud and laughy and Ants and I are in an unusual category in the sense that most of the people in his ward are either alone or have spouses who are also quite old.

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I am so proud of Ming. He has taken over in a way and is just like Ants. Ming has arranged for the termite people to do their thing (long overdue); cleaned out the garage of all the junk that Ants, being a hoarder, wouldn’t do and, in collaboration, we have had the nearly 30-year-old BMW serviced and ready to drive and now fixed up the nearly dead ute. We are getting some long overdue stuff done and it is such a great feeling! It makes me want to kiss the breeze.

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Love story 86 – Now and then…

My fantastic husband, Anthony, has now been living at the nursing lodge for around 6 months, during which time it has become more and more difficult to bring him home. At first we did overnighters but, due to many of his Parkinson’s disease symptoms, this gradually became impossible. Then Ming and I tried to bring Anthony home just for the day and that, too, became difficult due to his increasing immobility and other factors.

Just recently, I have utilized the services of a wheelchair taxi and that has been relatively successful, though expensive until I fill out the 500 page form and produce a zillion bits of ID.  I don’t tell Ants about the expense because he has always been a money worrier. The following picture is of just before Ants went into the nursing lodge. Our little alien is in the background climbing onto to the roof to dance again.

I have only just rediscovered this photo and it makes me wonder because Anthony has an expressionless face (Parkinson’s disease does that), but he’s still giving a ‘thumbs up’! I think this was around two years ago. A lot has happened since then.

Sometimes I miss Anthony being home to the point where I soak my pillow with sobbing; sometimes I feel a stab of relief that I no longer have to do what we used to call ‘the night shift’; sometimes I miss the past so much that I want to go back …

… to the day we got married

… to the day Ming was born.

But now is now, and now is unavoidable and now is good.

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Uncanny!

When Ming was born the youngest of Anthony’s nephews and nieces was 20 years old. Here is a picture of S. and Ming (it’s a bit water damaged – check out the funny ghost in the window!)

Sixteen years later and S. has his own little son and here is Ming holding him. I love the resemblance of the two photos, both taken in our kitchen.

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Once upon a time

Once upon a time – not too long ago – we three were an inviolable, hilarious tribe.

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If you have been following this blog ….

If you have been following this blog you will already know that my husband, Anthony, is in a nursing home now due to advanced Parkinson’s disease and prostate cancer. He is 76. He is the best person I have ever met. He is my hero.

If you have been following this blog you will also know that our son, Ming, developed a severe scoliosis and had his spine fused surgically this year. He is 18. He is the best person I have ever met. He is my hero.

Ming doesn’t have his car licence yet due to the surgical interruption so he still needs me to drive him to music school etc.

Anthony takes an incredibly long time to answer that stupid phone.

I have two recurring nightmares: the first is of Anthony reneging on getting married; and the second is that he and Ming are in the ocean and I can only save one of them. Both nightmares never reach a resolution because I always wake up too soon.

If you have been following this blog you will know that I am very happy and very sad.

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Teamwork

Today is the 1st of August 2012 and it has been a splendid day (this is the first time I have ever uttered the word ‘splendid’ because we Aussies don’t usually say words like that, but it seemed suitable!)

Ming (Son) and I have accomplished a few things together today:

  • we both slept in (well not quite – he milked cows in the early morning but came home and went back to bed)
  • we both agreed that there was no weetbix or, ironically, milk, but neither of us yelled
  • we both drove to town for his first driving lesson since spinal surgery
  • we both drove home again in time for afternoon milking
  • we both used equal amounts of swear words to each other on the way home because we were both a bit grumpy
  • we both agreed to cut down on the swearing (note: since Ming was a little boy, I have made it a strict rule that swearing must only be done when we are in the car and never outside the car)
  • we both cut across each others’ conversation (I tried to tell him about my visit to Anthony with my ma while he was having his driving lesson, and he tried to tell me about his driving lesson)
  • we both agreed to disagree about my contention that he is supposed to get to milking by 3pm but he thinks 3.15pm is fine
  • we both agreed earlier in the day that we may have to agree to disagree on a number of teamwork tasks on the farm
  • we both agreed to watch a comedy tonight
  • we both agreed that one or the other of us will alter this arrangement due to wanting to do their own thing
  • we both agreed that if either of us alters this arrangement it will be absolutely fine
  • we both agreed that the sooner he gets his driver’s licence the sooner we will be free of each others’ nagging
  • we both decided that we are relatively fine

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