jmgoyder

wings and things

May 24

Anthony is coming home for the day.

by jmgoyder

My husband, Anthony, is coming home for the day. I will pick him up from the nursing lodge in about two hours and bring him back to the farm. He is determined to help us do some jobs around the place, to relight the Aga and to get a fire going in the fireplace. These jobs will take until lunchtime and I am going to make one of his simple favourites – scrambled egg with chopped tomato. After lunch I predict he will have one of those weird ‘turns’ he has at noon but this time I will not panic or get the ambulance – I will just wait it out and let him sleep for awhile, even though it isn’t really sleeping; it’s more of a going almost unconscious thing which one doctor describes as a ‘brain freeze’ typical of Anthony’s type of Parkinson’s Disease.

Then we will probably all watch something funny on television (Anthony’s favourite series is Black Books), have afternoon tea while I show him the blog, then I will take him back before 5.30pm when dinner is served at the nursing lodge. By this time (I know from experience) Anthony will be very crippled and it will take both Son and me to get him to the car and Son’s patience will have run out. He is a wonderful teenager but, having shared the care of Anthony over the years previous to admission to the nursing lodge, Son has had enough and I completely understand this, so I will not make him accompany us on the drive back.

On return to the nursing lodge I may have to fetch a wheelchair. We will be greeted by the beautiful, friendly staff and I will settle Anthony back into his room, stay for awhile and try to jolly him out of his sadness at not being able to stay the night at home. Then I will leave and try very hard not to cry on the way home again. Once back at the farm I will feed the birds and put them away for the night, then I will go into the house where Son will give me a bearhug.

Family

45 Comments »
May 21

Nostalgia 3

by jmgoyder

Wings

20 Comments »
May 20

Dancing days

by jmgoyder

It’s Sunday here and in a couple of hours I will go into the nursing lodge to have lunch with Husband. I haven’t seen him for a few days because I have had the flu, but we have, as usual, spoken on the phone several times a day. He has missed me terribly but has coped. I haven’t missed him as much, which seems a terrible thing to say but there you are – I’ve said it.

We have talked about this disequilibrium of the missing-you thing.

Husband: I miss you now, I miss you all the time.

Me: I miss you then, I miss the way it was when you were well.

Husband: But I can be the way I was. I’m getting better.

Me: It’s not your fault – it’s the bloody Parkinson’s. You’re not getting better, you’re getting worse – that’s why you’re here so you get proper nursing care.

Husband: I don’t want nursing care. I want you.

Me: But I can’t lift you anymore, and I can’t make you walk, and I can’t manage you during the nights.

Husband: So I am never coming home for the night again?

Me: I don’t know. What’s wrong with coming home for the days?

Husband: It isn’t enough.

Me: I know.

Husband: And where’s the kid?

Me: At another party.

Husband: Just like I used to be.

Me: Just like you used to be.

Now I realize this all sounds very poignant and sad, but it always (well, almost always) ends up in a laugh about the dancing days.

Family Friendship

38 Comments »
May 17

Grandma and grammar

by jmgoyder

As one of my main roles at the university used to be teaching grammar to first year students, it is with some reluctance that I haven’t corrected Son’s email to my mother/his only grandparent. I have always wondered why my grammar knowledge didn’t just seep into Son, in an osmosis-ish way but this is probably because I am not a scientist!

He wrote this to her not long after his spinal surgery, when we were having some tough times.

Your the best Grandma and this is the best family / life anyone could ever imagine to have. I am indeed too lucky. In so many ways there’s a lot of good and some bad never 50/50 I grown to realise life gets harder but it also gets much better! There is always hard patches that seem to get worst over time but the that makes the good so much better! Therefore “Life really does get better and better!” I will always remember that saying you said years back “dark can never go into light – But light can shatter dark” & I thank you so much for your help it really helps. Todays a new day and I feel real good!   Thanks Grandma xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxo  

Family

49 Comments »
May 14

Nearly there

by jmgoyder

In just a few days, Son will be able to take off his ‘corset’ (spinal brace), because it’s now over three months since he had the scoliosis operation.

He will then have to develop a better sense of fashion!

Family

36 Comments »
Apr 14

Music to the ears

by jmgoyder

I am grinning from ear to ear because in the very next room Son is singing at the top of his lungs, practising a song. He has his earphone things in and is thumping the table and has no idea how DREADFUL the noise is because he obviously can’t hear himself! Usually he can hold a tune (well hopefully, as he is now doing a Certificate 4 in Music, learning bass guitar, singing and band), but tonight he seems to have reverted back to some sort of primal-ness.

Oh, he’s stopped – joy and bliss and peace. I want to kiss his feet … oh no, he’s started singing again at the top of his lungs and it’s AWFUL! He sounds like a broken chainsaw or a tractor falling into a ditch.

Nevertheless, it is a very happy sound – not particularly soothing but full of loud joy so I have just stuffed some tissues into my ears so that my heart can absorb these new vibrations … because this is the first time for over a month (since his spinal surgery and Husband going into the nursing lodge) that I have heard him HAPPY! YEEHA!!!

Family Wings

29 Comments »
Apr 10

A good mood

by jmgoyder

Son came home today in a very good mood….

He particularly liked having his photo taken….

Oh well!

Family

26 Comments »
Apr 4

Even more determination

by jmgoyder

Husband is coming home for Easter and I am determined to make this work which could be a bit of a challenge. You see it isn’t only the dogs and birds who are presenting me with a compatibility problem, it’s also the fact that Son’s relationship with Husband is fraught with tension. With both of my ‘boys’ incapacitated, Husband permanently with Parkinson’s, and Son temporarily with the post-surgical back brace, my attention is divided and the 3-way dynamics sometimes resemble a comic strip with me as the punchline.

Yes, indeed, sometimes three is literally a crowd, so, even though he doesn’t know this yet, Son is going to Grandma’s for a couple of days so that I can give Husband my undivided attention. Well, not quite as I am not really into doing the doting wife thing so Husband would find that a bit alarming, but I will try!

I’ve been training the guinnea fowl into a welcoming party and they are doing very well.

Family Wings

46 Comments »
Mar 19

Halycon days

by jmgoyder

I received some feedback about yesterday’s ‘lassitude’ post which has got me thinking that I may have portrayed Son as somewhat of a navel-gazer, so I feel kind of bad about that because that’s probably a better description of me at the moment!

Son is doing the best he can four weeks after having his spine fused and eight weeks after Husband became a permanent resident at the nursing lodge. He’s 18 years old and wearing a chest-to-hip brace, so he is unable to bend far enough to gaze at his navel – hehe!

As a lecturer in English and creative writing you would think I knew what ‘halycon days’ meant – not so. I thought it meant those glorious fun-filled days of youth….

Son is on the left here with one of his best friends. Obviously this was before his operation.

And here he is (bottom centre) with all his wonderful cousins on my side of the family, and Grandma (top centre) last Christmas.

‘Halycon days’ actually means days of calm and tranquility so perhaps, during these days of post-operative convalescence, lassitude is okay; perhaps these are our halycon days and we should embrace them.

Family Friendship

6 Comments »
Mar 7

Footsteps

by jmgoyder

Sometimes you have to collide with a corner before turning it and yesterday Son and I had one such collision. Don’t worry, we weren’t in a car or anything; we were just in the kitchen verbalizing a fair bit of angst with each other. Much later in the day, having extricated each other from the crash scene, we both realized that we were not angry with each other, but angry with ourselves, so we sat outside in the dusk and managed to turn the corner.

This morning, knowing that today we would be running in the same direction, I sipped my first coffee with a feeling of anticipation and waited for Son to wake up. It wasn’t until I was into my second coffee that I heard his footsteps in the house so I went into the kitchen and, thinking he was in his bedroom, I called out, “Good morning! I’m so glad we had that talk yesterday because I think it’s just that we’ve both been in a kind of rut so a bit later, when you feel up to it, we’ll get out of the house and go to town. We should go to a restaurant for lunch – do you want to go to that one on the beach?”

When there was no answer, I was a bit mystified until I went into the bedroom to find Son still fast asleep. Then I heard the footsteps again and realised it was King peacock on the roof!

You gotta laugh!

Family Wings

13 Comments »
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