jmgoyder

If only….

Last week we were having a bit of a family reunion. My brother and two of his children had come over from Honiara to celebrate the birth of his first grandchild. My other brother, wife, and three children were going to stay with us overnight on their way to Perth the following day for their children’s basketball commitments – all three are high-level athletes. My mother was glowing with the pleasure of our family together because we all live at various geographical distances.

It was a lovely evening and we were all sitting out on the front veranda eating and drinking and enjoying being together. Ming took the kids for a little joyride on the back of his ute (truck) and all came back exhilarated and wanting more. When I realized he had taken them off the farm, I said not to do this again and all was well. I heard him being asked to go again and I heard him say no.

When I received Ming’s frantic phonecall a bit later I was confused because I thought he was in his shed at the back of our farm, entertaining his cousins and a friend. I had been inside the house doing some foody stuff when he took off again for another joyride with the kids in the back; I didn’t even know he’d gone again. He had lost control on gravel 2 kms away and smashed into a tree.

Before continuing with this difficult post, all of the children are now out of hospital except one niece who needs to be fitted with a skull to hip brace. Her best friend is out with a broken arm and my brother’s three basketballers are also out of hospital with healing fractures. All children will be okay longterm, with my niece, who has to have the brace for 3 months, most affected/injured and my heart aches for her.

But they are all alive, they are all alive, they are all alive. I am trying to counter my dread that night with this mantra that they are all alive and will recover and my futile thoughts of if only, if only, if only… and whatiftheyhadbeenkilled? are useless thoughts.

They are alive and will all recover. I think this is the most beautiful sentence I have ever written.

I have the most wonderful family with both brothers and families (even the magnificent children who were injured) sharing the responsibility of okaying Ming to take kids for that second joyride. We are all forgiving each other, and all blaming ourselves instead of each other. The next step will be to forgive ourselves. Ming has been hugged and reassured and forgiven by all family but he will be charged and go to court and he wants very much to be punished because he loves those kids so much.

A very hard lesson for all of us and a horrifying week, but we will recover in time and our closeness as a family is intact. Please, if you are a prayer, send prayers to all of the children but especially my niece still in hospital.

I won’t be posting again, or reading blogs, for some time. My main message here is in the title.