jmgoyder

Ev, the Events Coordinator at Anthony’s nursing home, doesn’t work on the weekends usually, so I asked her if I could do some of my volunteer work in the Dementia wing and she said yes! She told me that they have activities between 3 and 6pm and I could join in any time, so today I had my first taste of what this would be like. I knocked on the main door (it’s a locked section) and I got a nice surprise when the staff member who opened the door was Jill, who I already know because she brings three women residents for a walk around the nursing home every day at about 3pm and they pass by Anthony’s room where we all exchange waves and hellos. Once I explained I was now a volunteer, she was delighted and asked me to come for the walk. I was thrilled.

Jill always holds 91-year-old Wilma’s hand as they walk; Beryl (80s) usually walks by herself; and Meg (80s) holds her daughter, Cheryl’s hand. All three women residents are extremely mobile, cheerful and vocal (including singing as they walk) and all three also have dementia. Towards the end of the walk, Beryl put her left hand lightly around my right elbow and I felt a pang of joy as she asked me again what my name was. Back in the dementia wing, we all sat outside in a lovely patio and Jill organised some memory games. At 4pm, my hour was up so I excused myself and thanked the staff and residents for having me. Beryl squeezed my hand and said goodbye.

On the way back to Anthony’s section of the nursing home, I felt a sense of happy nostalgia for the years I worked in nursing homes, the years I wrote about dementia in my PhD and a subsequent book. I also felt a bit of melancholy nostalgia for the years of writing during which Anthony would help me fine-tune my argument which was about the importance of listening to, and conversing with, people with dementia, regardless of how the conversation might meander between memory, fantasy, lucidity, sense and nonsense.

It was amazing today to see staff and residents so compatible and cheerful but what really got to me was the mutual respect shown. I worked in several nursing homes in the late 1980s to 1990s and I never once saw what I saw today: staff and residents having fun together in a prolonged way!

Rushing into Anthony’s room so I could tell him all about it, I found him still asleep in his chair the way I’d left him an hour previous. I sat down in the chair I always position next to his and put a favourite DVD of ours into the player I only bought a few days ago The IT Crowd. Ants kept sleeping while I watched a few episodes but, every time I guffawed, he would open his eyes and smile, then tell me to turn the hoses off.

[To blog-friends, I’ve decided to post on weekends and do comments and read blogs during week now. I feel a bit out of touch!]