Me: I am losing track of the conversations a lot, Ants, now that they are diminishing in frequency.
Anthony: Oh how my soul is wounded, Jules – please don’t leave me!
Me: Very funny, Ants, but just a reminder – you are the one who left. Anyway, the weirdest thing has happened; sometimes I go several days without thinking of you at all.
Anthony: Good grief!
Me: Well actually it probably is, literally, a good kind of grief because I am smiling and laughing more easily again and sometimes I feel a little bit high!
Anthony: You are doing much better than I expected, Jules – good on you!
Me: A couple of people have even told me that I look better, and that I seem to have turned a corner since August when I just could not stop talking to you…. and crying.
Anthony: Those were brilliant conversations though, Jules.
Me: Yeah, but I went a bit blank during that ghastly anniversary-of-your-death month. Ming said my eyes went all dull or something like that.
Anthony: And then?
Me: The advent of Spring! The end of August! A sense of irrational relief!
Anthony: Relief about what?
Me: Not relief that you are gone, but relief that I am getting over the fact that you are gone.
Anthony: But I am not gone!
Me: Of course, Ants, but can we please not have a semantics argument? Ming has that kind of thing down pat.
Anthony: How is my boy?
Me: He is a man, Ants and he is so much like you it is uncanny.
Anthony: How so?
Me: Well he cleans his teeth as if he is doing some sort of contortionist display of how to get whiplash, and he stands outside the front door to urinate most mornings much to my chagrin.
Anthony: Is there anything else?
Me: Wow, Ants – how come you are still fishing for compliments when you are dead?
Anthony: Posterity, Jules, posterity! Also, the Heavenly performance assessment tool questionnaire is doing my head in.
Me: Oh! Okay, just add that you have always had a sense of fun and irony? Self confidence, healthy ego, gregarious – that sort of thing.
Anthony: Sex appeal?
Me: Is there a box to tick for that?
Anthony: No.
Me: Is there a space for description of your attributes?
Anthony: Yes.
Me: Okay you can probably wax lyrical about your sex appeal here but try to describe this more soulfully.
Anthony: What?
Me: Forget it. I am absolutely sure you will pass. Anthony?
Anthony: Yes, Jules?
Me: Every time I write these imagined conversations, I want to leap through the skin of this world and hug you.
Anthony: Your wish is my command, Jules.
Me: Okay, Ants – thank you. I forgot to say how kind Ming is and that reminds me of you too; he is your/our legacy.
Anthony: May I have the last word?
Me: Of course!
Anthony: That was it.
jmgoyder 