Me: Picture this, Ants.
Anthony: Picture what?
Me: Well, it happened on the very day I had decided to dress nicely even if just home alone (a psychological trick I have been teaching myself lately to boost my sense of wellbeing).
Anthony: And?
Me: D and J dropped in unexpectedly and I was still in my pyjamas.
Anthony: So what?
Me: It was 2pm. Also, the grass was neck-high due to the fact that the lawnmowing family hadn’t been able to come for awhile, and there were two rabbit corpses at the front door.
Anthony: So what?
Me: I was embarrassed!
Anthony: What did Ming say?
Me: Ming said he was embarrassed by me being embarrassed and that I should stop saying sorry.
Anthony: Sorry for what?
Me: Exactly.
Anthony: Are you okay, Jules?
Me: Yes and no, Ants.
Anthony: Everything will be fine, Jules.
Me: The moonflower had to be cut down recently, Ants, because of the root problem; it was entangled with the un-killable camphor laurel, both of which were attacking the foundations of the house!
Anthony: Being in heaven has given me a new perspective so it is fine with me.
Me: I will never, ever forget the day you took my hand for the first time and rushed me outside to look at the moonflower blooming. At the time I didn’t care at all about the flower; I was too amazed by the shock of my hand in yours.
Anthony: I remember, Jules.
Me: One of my favourite memories, Ants, despite the various difficulties that followed….
Anthony: I miss you, Jules….
Me: And I miss you, Ants, plus I am trying to keep the farm looking good and myself groomed etc.
Anthony: If you do something with your hair, everything will be fine, Jules.
Me: Arghhh!
jmgoyder 
So much is revealed within your sentences, Julie. Remember to extend compassion to yourself, just as you would to anyone dear that is grieving. What you describe as “neglect” is completely understandable when your heart is broken and bleeding. But you are healing and I’m proud of how you have shared and opened your heart to help others grieving.
Loved the picture of that moonflower, so sorry it had to be cut down.
Typical, you just happen to have two dead rabbits on your doorstep and that is the very moment that people come to visit you. Life isn’t fair.
😂
Yeah I would be embarrassed if I was in my pj’s when visitors arrived no matter who they were
just like cutting down the moonflower to save your house, sometimes you must tear down to rebuild something, just like you are doing with yourself, and you will emerge more beautiful than ever.