Me: The red speckled granite for your headstone has arrived and now Ming and I just have to finalise the wording and….
Anthony: Just keep it simple, Jules, don’t exaggerate.
Me: So do you want me to get rid of the header – The most beautiful man in the world ?
Anthony: No, that’s pretty accurate – keep that in.
Me: Noted. Okay, so then I want the inscription to say, succinctly, what you meant/mean to Ming and me, so I am tossing up between words like beloved, cherished, adored.
Anthony: All very apt but….
Me: Yes, I know you would really like the word worshipped in there but that doesn’t sit comfortably with me because I think it was you who worshipped me first and not the other way around.
Anthony: I beg to differ. You worshipped me first, Jules.
Me: Shut up! I thought we agreed that it was mutual years ago and anyway I don’t like the idea of worship because it implies godliness and you are the most ungodly person I have ever met.
Anthony: You keep forgetting where I am, Jules, so please refrain from the ungodly references.
Me: Okay so this is what I have so far: The Most Beautiful Man in the World/ Anthony Barr Goyder 1936 – 2017/ Admired and Respected by all who knew him/ Adored husband of Julie/Beloved father of Menzies. All of these little phrases are on separate lines on the headstone of course. What do you think?
Anthony: You do me proud, Jules.
Me: I still want to have a sort of punchline, like Unforgotten or Unforgettable but the first one has horror movie connotations and the second implies comedy. Plus I have been advised to leave room on the headstone for a few words about me for when I die.
Anthony: Oh … yes, I didn’t think of that.
Me: Ants, we never, ever had any sort of conversations about death, dementia, funerals because you always, always thought you were getting better and I let you believe that.
Anthony: You are a great liar…
Me: I loved you too much to tell you the truth. And anyway, why didn’t you tell me you were about to die? You never gave me a hint; you were in one of your slumps.
Anthony: I didn’t know I was going to die either, Jules.
Me: I thought you would overcome the slump, do another Lazarus, return to our ever-evolving new normal….
Anthony: It was a shock to me too, Jules.
Me: I am so glad that I nearly have your headstone done and dusted because it has been sort of haunting me in an unfinished business sort of way.
Anthony: It doesn’t matter, Jules….
Me: Yes it does, Ants.
Anthony: I am gone, Jules.
Me: No, you are not gone, Ants – you are here.
Ants and Gutsy 2013?
jmgoyder 
Splendid, you have got there.
I didn’t anticipate how hard this would be!
❤
Yes! He is there with you always, Julie. Beautiful conversations and you will hear him in your mind whenever you choose to. He is part of you.
Surreal sometimes how his voice in my imagination is so accurate!
That is the beauty of healing. I feel like my emptiness inside – my grief, was eased when my son returned to me in a different way. That’s what is happening for you. In this way, Anthony lives on and will always be with you. It really is a comfort to have that!
If I listen, I can hear my mother and father talking to me. Their essence is also alive in that way!
Thank you so much for helping me to re-believe in magic, Judy
Lovely post! I remember this photo, What was the bird’s name again?? Much love my friend
I called her Gutsy then Gutsy9 for some reason, Tersia. Thanks for bothering with me when I have been so slack blog-wise.
I love this Julie. And I love thinking of Anthony with humor. And honestly, I love that he lives so well within you that you can have these conversations and I forget it is you writing them.
Yes, Colleen! I was telling a new friend how uncanny it is to be writing something that is imaginary to begin with, but suddenly sounds real.
Hello dear,Just wanted you to know that this is one of my most favorite pictures of Anthony. The gentle giant. How beautiful! And yes I remember your story of the little peacock. Thanks for the imagined conversations, and yes, I too did those, but with my mother when she very unexpectedly went to heaven.Thanks for all you do!Angela Sommers, from Medford, Oregon 🙂
Thank you so much for this Angela! I feel so encouraged x
The inscription reads well.
I thought it might have been a bit over-the-top so thanks, Tom, for this reassurance.
I like the words you have chosen for his headstone, he is gone but never forgotten
Thanks so much Jo-Anne!
That’s a beautiful inscription. I think “Unforgettable” would be just fine to add.
Okay and thanks so much for the reassurance.
Okay and thanks for that reassurance!