Me: I miss you so much, Ants – sometimes it is like this silent, piercing, explosive shriek inside me and I can hardly bear the physical palpitating pain of it.
Anthony: Pull yourself together, Jules – you can do it.
Me: All this other wonderful stuff is happening but the joy I should be feeling is clouded over a bit by grief; it has now been 455 days since you died.
Anthony: 456 days to be exact.
Me: Are you kidding? Is there a time difference in Heaven?
Anthony: We do live in Western Australia, Jules.
Me: Was that a deliberate faux pas, Ants? You don’t live here anymore.
Anthony: I am in the air around the Aga.
Me: Oh shut up! Now I know you are kidding around and I guess that is what is the most painful thing for me – you had had so many TIAs but you always woke up again. When you did die, I thought for a moment that you just might be pretending.
Anthony: I am so sorry, Jules.
Me: Yeah, you did do the death thing brutally fast. I am glad for you but even after all of these long, longing, days, I am still a bit shocked at how fast I lost you.
Anthony: I miss you too, my beautiful girl.
Me: I will tell you more about your headstone tomorrow; it is absolutely perfect!
Anthony: I love you, Jules.
jmgoyder 
Learning a new way of loving someone, grieving, doesn’t come with a how to manual does it? I’m glad to here of the wonderful things. And I am sure Anthony is too. ❤
I am glad that there is wonderful stuff happening even if it is still clouded by grief.
A beautiful conversation
Always sensitive and honest! The holidays only emphasize our loss. Lean into God and feel the love surrounding you. Your “conversations” are an extension of the love you and Anthony still share. Forever.