jmgoyder

wings and things

‘This is your life’

on February 28, 2012

A few final moonflowers popped up this morning, but I think they are now finished for the year. How would I know? I got it wrong before!

After a lengthy appointment this morning, to get Son’s post-surgery dressing changed by a nurse and his wound examined by our doctor, we went to visit Husband in the nursing lodge. Son was in his back brace and the pain had kicked in again so he took one of his pills before seeing Husband. I filled Husband in on the latest details about Son’s next few months of convalescence – the physiotherapy he would need, the fact that he isn’t allowed to lift even two kilos, his moody frustration and so on. Husband wanted to come home to help and I had to explain that this wouldn’t help, that it would make things harder as I would have two invalids to look after (yeah, sometimes my words don’t come out the way I intend them to).

Apparently Son will never be able to do this again:

Husband insisted on walking us out to the car even though he was quite wobbly. As we drove off, I saw him in the rear vision mirror, standing in parking lot, leaning on his walking stick looking so forlorn I wanted to reverse the car and rescue him, bring him home, but I couldn’t because by then Son’s pain was so bad he needed to lie down, so I had to rush home. I was crying (which Son says I do too much of) because I had forgotten to harden my heart.

Okay, so one of the things that has been said to me by my beautiful friends and family is this: “Soon you will get your life back. It will get better.” Now, whilst I agree with the latter, I don’t understand the former because this IS my life and Husband and Son ARE my life. Yes, I have my writing, the birds, my connection to the local university and many other joys, including this blog, and Husband and Son have never made me feel guilty for the time I spend writing. Bravo to them.

You know what I miss most? Sitting out on the front veranda with Husband and Son and chatting together every evening as the sun went down. We didn’t do this often enough in the recent months as Husband’s Parkinson’s disease got the better of him, but those conversations were the best! I don’t want a future without Husband here, but I know that he and I both have to adjust to that reality. And I don’t want a future without Son’s company but, once his spine is completely healed, he will inevitably leave to pursue his many dreams. Yeah, I know I’ve already posted this photo but this is the three of us back in 2009 when things were okay-ish.

Soon it will just be the birds and me.

This is my life and, despite the difficult, sad bits, every single micro-second with Husband and Son has been joy.

I don’t want any other life!


20 responses to “‘This is your life’

  1. tootlepedal says:

    If warm wishes from someone you don’t know are any good, here they are.

  2. Your love for your family really shines through in this post. I love that you are embracing your life even though it isn’t easy. You’re not wishing it away, but fully living it. That’s to be admired.

  3. magsx2 says:

    Hi,
    That flower really is gorgeous.
    I don’t blame you for posting the photo of the 3 of you again, it is a very nice photo. 🙂

  4. pixilated2 says:

    I’m glad you have a place and many friends to share your joy, worry, loves, sorrows, anger, confusion, frustration, happiness, contentedness, and thoughts with. Did I leave anything out?
    xo, Lynda

  5. nellibell49 says:

    When my Mum died and all the smiling young blossoms of social workers etc told my Dad to ” love her but let her go”, he looked at them with the air of disdain he was good at. Those words were not a comfort and seemed to me to invalidate 53 years of shared life.
    When I took him to an Army reunion with widows and friends who had actually been through it, they told him it was hell and life would never be the same again. Then they all laughed and cried and ate dinner and it did help.
    There are reasons for wearing black for 7 years I reckon.

  6. You are such a strong woman! I feel like asking where you find your strength but I want to guess the answer is, you don’t have a choice. Scoliosis surgery sounds very painful but I hope it’s for the better. Having to take care of a sick husband and a sick child is quite a feat. Hopefully your son will start getting better soon.

  7. victoriaaphotography says:

    I love that photo of the 3 of you together – it speaks of love, warmth, kindness and caring.
    Post it as many times as you like.
    Why not put it in thumbnail size on every single post. It’s nice to remember the good times and the joy you’ve all shared.
    Strangers, some of us bloggers may be, but we all appreciate your love for your family.

    • jmgoyder says:

      I did have it as a thumbnail (I think!) to begin with but now my gravatar/avatar or whatever it is mostly comes up as a devil cartoon. I will have to learn a few things in wordpress and ‘get with it’!

  8. Tilly Bud says:

    It is a lucky person who knows when to be contented with their lot.

  9. Have just read some of your posts – and they are both beautiful and inspirational. I know how hard it is to face challenge – and I see how loving a parent and wife you are just from my short visit here. Thank your for visiting my blog – and leading me here too! I will check in again. Bless you always! Robyn

  10. Such a lovely compliment coming from you! I noticed you were a teacher/lecturer in English and Creative Writing. I took those classes as electives when I could in college. I’m having fun with the blogging now for sure. Thank you again… and sending warm wishes to you and your family always! Robyn

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