jmgoyder

wings and things

May 22

Well, how was I supposed to know?

by jmgoyder

Okay, so I get this idea of the ‘Hot Potato Award’ (see a previous post) which I want to give to anyone who has nominated me for other awards. I thought it was quite a good idea, so I googled “hot potato” to get a free picture (because I had run out of potatoes of my own). So I found an appropriate picture but now I don’t know how to turn it into an award – to do the graphics thing with it – so, so far, I just have this picture of a potato.

But what I didn’t expect (when I googled “hot potato”) was to be led to a couple of porn sites. I found this rather startling because I didn’t know “hot potato” had connotations. I mean, how does an innocent, innocuous thing like a potato become a pornographic metaphor?

I will have to put my thinking cap on again. I thought maybe ‘Warm Potato Award’ or ‘Cold Potato Award’ but somehow these don’t have the same resonance.

Mmmmmm……..

blogging

39 Comments »
May 21

His name is Anthony

by jmgoyder

Until now, I have referred to my husband as “Husband” in this blog because I wanted to keep things a bit anonymous and private. But today, after two visits to the nursing lodge, and one little drive with Son, I realized that in not naming Husband – who supports this blog and me, who wants desperately to come home and be ‘us’ again – I might have dishonoured him.

His name is Anthony and he is the best Anthony you will ever meet.

His name is Anthony and he is the best husband and father Son and I could ever want.

His name is Anthony and he has battled kidney cancer, prostate cancer, diabetes, spinal problems and now – the worst disease of all, Parkinson’s disease – all with a huge grin and the kind of resilience I will never have. His sorrow at being in the nursing lodge is a daily grief for all of us.

Anthony.

Family Friendship

59 Comments »
May 21

He used to love me!

by jmgoyder

Godfrey, the gander, whose other name is now ‘the Godfather’ was, to begin with, our only goose, and he adored me. He was given to us as an adolescent.

Then we got little Pearl, who Godfrey cherished so much that as soon as Pearl was out of the brooder and free-ranging, Godfrey started to bite me, hiss at me and our relationship is still at a stalemate. Here is little Pearl when she was little!

Since then, our gang of poultry has grown and I was hoping they would all roam around freely during the day in a playful way, but the Godfather has them all organized into a kind of army! They all come to me for bread and lettuce but they do it sneakily because Godfrey disapproves so violently.

Pearl is the one on the far left.

I really miss Godfrey loving me – oh well!

Wings

29 Comments »
May 21

Nostalgia 3

by jmgoyder

Wings

20 Comments »
May 20

The Hot Potato Award

by jmgoyder

I think I have been nominated for a few blog awards now and, to begin with, I didn’t know what this even meant. Then, when I realized, I felt a bit overwhelmed and underserving and grateful and reluctant. Eventually, I got consumed with guilt at not having fulfilled the various criteria, especially when I realized it was a lovely way of acknowledging fellow bloggers. Alas, except for a couple of recent nominations, I am not sure who or what or how I do this thing so I have decided to invent what I think is a rather brilliant strategy for award ‘reluctantees’ like me and that is to re-package whatever award anyone nominates me for (which is unlikely as I have so far been unwittingly ungracious) as The Hot Potato Award. Here are the rules:

  • The Hot Potato Award can only be given once (this is not Pass the Parcel!)
  • The Hot Potato Recipient doesn’t have to do anything except  to accept the award and put it on their blog (oh no, I am going to have to find a picture of a hot potato -any suggestions?)
  • The Hot Potato Awarder must state which award has been re-cooked and write a few sentences to describe why she/he is giving it to the recipient.

I am sure I haven’t thought of a few things here so any ideas appreciated!

Now I just have to go back and find who nominated me and hot potato them – hehe!

blogging

22 Comments »
May 20

Love story 24

by jmgoyder

I remember feeling a terrible guilt over my glee at being able to go back to Inna’s house despite my father’s death.

My guilt was multi-faceted because I felt guilty about my joy at seeing Husband-to-be on a daily basis; I felt guilt every morning I rode my bicycle away from my mother’s house; I felt guilt that my father’s sudden death had made me temporarily popular; I felt guilt that my mother and brothers and I didn’t talk about our Dad-grief.

All of that young guilt eventually turned my ridiculously sweet nature into a bitter sourness and, one day, as I was hanging the clothes out for Inna and waiting for the hour when I would be able to go home to my mother, who mourned, but didn’t show it, Husband came over from the dairy and asked if I could stay the night with Inna because he wanted to go out.

Without any pre-warning, the biggest fury I have ever felt, grabbed me and I yelled, “YOU ARE A SELFISH PIG!” I then abandoned the washing, hopped on my bicycle and rode home, crying as hard as I could all the way so that, when I got home, I would be able to give my mother a smile.

LOVE STORY

25 Comments »
May 20

Engagement!

by jmgoyder

Tricked you!

This is a photo of Son and his great friend, Z, at one of last year’s school balls. Z. said it would be okay to put it in my blog.

Note: Son said he doesn’t want to get married until he is 57 because that is the age Husband married me – ha! I think Z and I would agree that Son can be a bit too reticent.

Z is like a bird of paradise, a breath of fresh, new air.

Son is like an avocado tree.

Family Friendship

40 Comments »
May 20

Dancing days

by jmgoyder

It’s Sunday here and in a couple of hours I will go into the nursing lodge to have lunch with Husband. I haven’t seen him for a few days because I have had the flu, but we have, as usual, spoken on the phone several times a day. He has missed me terribly but has coped. I haven’t missed him as much, which seems a terrible thing to say but there you are – I’ve said it.

We have talked about this disequilibrium of the missing-you thing.

Husband: I miss you now, I miss you all the time.

Me: I miss you then, I miss the way it was when you were well.

Husband: But I can be the way I was. I’m getting better.

Me: It’s not your fault – it’s the bloody Parkinson’s. You’re not getting better, you’re getting worse – that’s why you’re here so you get proper nursing care.

Husband: I don’t want nursing care. I want you.

Me: But I can’t lift you anymore, and I can’t make you walk, and I can’t manage you during the nights.

Husband: So I am never coming home for the night again?

Me: I don’t know. What’s wrong with coming home for the days?

Husband: It isn’t enough.

Me: I know.

Husband: And where’s the kid?

Me: At another party.

Husband: Just like I used to be.

Me: Just like you used to be.

Now I realize this all sounds very poignant and sad, but it always (well, almost always) ends up in a laugh about the dancing days.

Family Friendship

38 Comments »
May 19

Wrong way. Go back.

by jmgoyder

In Western Australia we have big signs wherever roadworks are being done in case people go the wrong way. This can be useful, but it can also be a bit confusing.

It’s a little bit like that with blogging because you get really curious to go down a certain blog path, you like what you are reading/seeing, but you are also uncertain of where exactly you are and sometimes the historical context of where you are, in that person’s blog, takes quite a bit of time, quite a bit of deciphering.

With my own blog, Wings and things, it’s obviously the same experience for new readers or followers because, of course, the latest post is always the most recent and, unless people  have time to go back, they might not ‘get it’ that there are two different-but-same stories running parallel. The Love story is about the past but everything else is about the present.

As many of you already know, my husband has chronic Parkinson’s disease and terminal prostate cancer and is now in a nursing lodge close by. Our 18-year-old son recently had major spinal surgery. And me – I love birds!

I can’t keep up with the many blogs I am interested in, no matter how hard I try, but one thing I like to do is to go back and read the very beginnings of those blogs which is what I hope people will do with mine. It’s not that there is a wrong or a right way necessarily, but going back can be fantastic!

Oh yeah, and if you go back, you will find that I don’t usually do 4 posts in the day. I cheated today with the pics – hehe!

blogging Family Friendship LOVE STORY Wings

14 Comments »
May 19

Love story 23

by jmgoyder

I have to tell the days after my father’s death in point form:

  • I stayed with my grandparents in Sydney for two days until they could arrange a flight back to Perth
  • My mum, and my two brothers, picked me up from the airport and, during the two hour trip down south to home, we exchanged funny anecdotes about Dad
  • The next day it was felt best if I went to see Dad’s corpse in the morgue
  • I kissed his freezing cold cheek and got a shock
  • Husband-to-be took me for a long drive the day before the funeral
  • I couldn’t cry at the funeral service so I tried to make myself cry at the cemetery
  • It took two years for me to stop crying for Dad
  • My mother kept her own grief away from me
  • My brothers kept their own grief away from me
  • I went back to work for Inna
  • One afternoon, I went into Husband-to-be’s bedroom where he always had his 5-minute afternoon nap
  • “Could you give me a hug?” I asked
  • He sat up on the edge of his bed and patted the space next to him
  • I sat down, nervously, not wanting him to think I was an idiot
  • A beautiful, kind smile spread across his face
  • He gave me a big hug
  • My tears stopped falling

I felt my father’s palm against mine as this time I let myself fall in love.

LOVE STORY

31 Comments »
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