Some people say that love never runs out but I think this might be a lot of crap (and I don’t mind debating this), because it does run out. It runs out all the time in all sorts of different situations. Sometimes it dries up from the heat of exhaustion; sometimes it trickles into other ponds; sometimes it kangaroos away; sometimes it smothers itself with toomuchness; and sometimes it simply evaporates.
Some people say that the opposite of love is not hatred but indifference and, to some extent, I understand this theory but not entirely; I have been the recipient of both and the perpetrator of both. I hate Anthony’s disease(s) and I hate those who have hurt him and both of these hatreds will never become indifference while he is alive.
Son’s attitude has altered from hatred (of Anthony’s disease, of Anthony himself, of life and circumstances in general) to indifference (again, supposedly the opposite of ‘love’). This has only happened recently and, to begin with, I was upset because, as Anthony’s wife and Son’s mother, I wanted Son to keep on loving his father, but the fact is, quite simply, he doesn’t because he can’t. And that is perfectly all right because he is only 18 and has helped me in the caring role for many years now and he deserves to soar ahead of us.
Last night on the phone to Anthony I told him that Son had a problem coping with the situation, and with him, and Anthony, always pragmatic, just said, “Give the kid a break, Jules! I love him and he loves me and we both love you more than anyone in the world.”
Some people say that love never runs out and I agree. It just gets a bit whispery.
jmgoyder 
Great that Anthony has such a good attitude about Son’s indifference, just as long as Son has no regrets further down the line.
I have been careful to let him know not to feel guilt.
Dear Julie, these are wisely written, shared, experienced… You help me too, to understand the life, especially the relationships and feelings and thoughts… But do you know what I remember now, some lines and I am sure you know these famous lines, “…there is time for everything”… You are so nice person dear Julie, yes, maybe we don’t meet in real life but in your writing world and in your thoughts and feelings and actions, I can see this. you are the power for both of them… Not easy what you are living, but you are the soul in light and love. God Bless you dear Julie, Thank you. Have a nice weekend, love, nia
Thank you so much for these comforting words, Nia. I feel the same about you! Juliexxx
Wish I could give you a big hug. Son will come around, of course, but it doesn’t make things any easier right now, I’m guessing. Son is young, for sure, and I am learning all of the time, myself, that the older they get, the more difficult parenting is. Give me potty-training and weaning and learning the alphabet over understanding larger life lessons any day…if I only knew then what I know now…
No way do I want potty training back! Son used to change his own nappy can you believe it? Thank you so much for your kind words Tammy. Jxx
Wow! That’s impressive! 🙂
Julie: Some people say that love never runs out and I agree. It just gets a bit whispery. So true. Beautifully said.
Thank you Susan! Jxx
Oh, what a brave and touching rendering of this thing we blanket with the word “love”. How it morphs, but never leaves us without a mark! It leaves me wondering how such a mammoth emotion could ever have been distilled down to just four letters. Thanks for sharing this, Jules.
And other languages have so many words for love – why doesn’t English?
thank you for sharing these things with us -we all go through something, and by you expressing it, you give the rest of us the freedom to feel what really “is” even if it is hard to face – wish I could make everything better for you, but if I had that power I would be one busy girl
You have already done good things for me and I am very grateful to you!
Men! They see things in such simple terms. As Anthony said, they love each other – they love you. In their hearts and minds what else matters?
I’m experiencing Indifference and am wondering if it is what is in place to keep me settled emotionally until the after effects wear off. Just wondering.. not saying its so even for me but sure feels like common sense right now.
I think indifference can be a bit of a relief sometimes and I so appreciate your honesty here – thank you again BB!
Sorry Hon, but I agree with husband on this one, give son a break, my father was terminally ill most of my childhood, all of my teen years and then crossed over when I was only 22, I missed so much of my dad because of his illness, and now 30 years later, the anger has twisted into so many other emotions, I often have trouble sorting it all out, did I ever stop loving him? no, but I have been indifferent, angry and even hated so many issues that revolved around his illness. You are both deeply affected by this but in very different ways, son’s anger, hatred and indifference are defense mechanisms to protect him from the pain, I hope I didn’t offend you here, I so wish this were not happening to you, love and prayers for you both.
This is an absolutely wonderful comment, Katrina, and I cannot thank you enough for your wisdom. Love Julie
No problem, glad I didn’t offend,
No wonder so many people love your Anthony. He sees the big picture.
He certainly does!
Just noticed that my comment is awaiting moderation. Is this new? I don’t recall seeing this before.
Could be the wordpress gremlins – not sure!
Honesty, courage, truth and permeated in love!
Not a bad recipe the way you put it!
My father died when I was 20 years old and I want to share with you some thoughts I have of what a child is like then and the memories I have now (in my late 40’s).
Young adulthood was a time for me to separate from parental influence. I wanted my Dad’s approval but I didn’t spend a heck of a lot of time proving myself to him. I was focusing on making my own life what I wanted it to be. So, I can understand your son’s indifference.
Looking back, I have fond thoughts of moments I spent just being with my dad as a young adult. I car ride we together and a visit I made to him the week before he died. I have a sense of peace that there wasn’t pressure to be more than what I was at the time. It was okay that words weren’t spoken. The closeness of a child and parent goes beyond words. We had a deeper sense of love for each other and 25 years later, I still hold onto those feelings. Your son will, too. It sounds like he knows his father loves him and he will carry that with him forever. –Daylily
What a beautiful comment! Yes I was nearly same age as you when my dad died so I know exactly what you mean and cannot thank you enough for my son’s sake.
beautiful & no reply needed
This is very poignant. The comments from your readers are touching as well!
The comments are way better than the post!
That is not true!
Yes it is!
i remember going through this stage. i think there are so many stages so our mind will not feel overwhelmed. my thoughts and prayers are always with you
And mine with you!
I’m so sorry.
This is beautifully written.
First of all, you didn’t define what “love” is and what the basis of “love” is. Yes, emotions play a huge roll in our display of “love,” and emotions change like the direction of the wind, and sometimes that’s quickly – moment to moment. I also once heard a preacher say that if you love someone, you’ll like them. I totally disagree with that statement. I have times when I don’t like my husband, but I love him. I would enjoy a passionate love-feeling toward him every minute, but that ain’t gonna happen.
There’s a much deeper definition of “love:” Commitment. That’s your kind of love, Julie. You don’t like the circumstances surrounding your beloved Anthony, but you love him. You don’t like what’s happening to his body and his mind, but you are committed to him. Somebody may not like her mother, but she’s her mother, the possessive “love” of she’s my mother.
Son loves his dad, but he’s a teenager and very immature in his emotions and his commitments. He is learning through this experience how to love truly and how to side-step his emotions while staying committed to his father. You may not like Son’s actions, but you know he’s young and still has much to learn, and you love him.
But you already know this. You just haven’t thought about it in these terms.
Now I know why you are called Wisdom. Thanks for this wonderful food for thought! Jxx
Love is many things to many different people. And haven’t romantics the world over been trying to define “love” since time began? I think we should just feel what we feel (often we don’t even know what that is) and not worry about trying to analyze it. It’s impossible, I think. And why try to make someone feel what they don’t or can’t? Maybe they do feel things that others don’t see.
So very true – every word of this – thank you Anneli! Juliexx
There is so much wisdom and realism in this. In all honesty, love is a heck of a lot of work, isn’t it?
It sure is!
Love gets whispery. I think I understand what you mean, but then I’ve never really understood love anyway.
It is a weird emotion all right!
Anthony knows how to cut to the chase.
Katrina is right, sometimes it just hurts too much to love someone and you have to take a break.
I really like how you expressed this. And I had forgotten that it is said the opposite of love is indifference. Indifference for a disease though, something attacking you, I can’t imagine. Wow. You are dealing with a lot.
I like that you say ‘love just gets a bit whispery’. That’s perfectly said. Yes, it just spans hues of the rainbow. I personally do not know if love can ever die as I have only ever loved my son – not even my husband of yesteryear (which he called denial, that I was a hardass & couldn’t admit I loved him). So I have no experience of love, but for my son. I just cannot imagine that would die, pass, play out. To feel that for anOTHER human being – a partner – would be awesome.
What terry1954 said, about the stages – my sincerest hope of strength for you, in the stages.
N’n.
What a lovely comment – thank you so much and I appreciate everything you have said. Jxx
I am glad, gm, this piece was quite moving.
Is it really indifference or a defence mechanism?
Dunno!
My take is that this “indifference” is defense mechanism Julie. OMG – I just looked up and saw blue bee’s note — so freaky…
But I have to agree. There is so much torture and hurt a child feels while growing up, watching a parent who is vulnerable and ill … I’ve seen it with my own children…they are hopeful for my next “cure” and then oh so let down when I decline all over again – despite having the right attitude, doing enormous research, having a physician husband, etc. etc. It’s such a scary thing for a child to witness… the realization that nothing is safe – sure or absolute in their world. I know that (as you mentioned in another reply) my kids have a sense of understanding and compassion – self awareness and self reliance that they would otherwise not have if I’d been well all these years, but i believe there are scars as well. I’m sure it’s similar for Son – I think his feelings for Dad will evolve and change — as he grows. For now – just let him know it’s all ok ! ~ And Anthony seems to be in alignment with this too… which is heartwarming. ~ Sending LOVE
You are always so absolutely right and on the ball with your comments, and your perception amazes me, Robyn.
I wish so much that I could meet you in person! Thankyou doesn’t seem an adequate word – Juliexxx
😉 Thanks Julie – I know – must be more to this world thing that we don’t know about…do believe this. xo
OK!
ok
One day we do need to meet — whole family knows about you — amazing to think this could manifest… hope you are hanging in….xo
Perhaps a trip to Australia is in order?
would be a dream — lucky to sit through 1 hour dinner down the road tonight… but maybe one day!! – would be amazing Julie!
Or maybe (another dream) I could come see you guys!
I think Jules, that no matter how supportive you are of beautiful Son or no matter how pragmatic Anthony is about Sons feelings towards him and his illness(es), that on some level Son will have guilt throughout his life. It is part of the human condition and maybe it will take this, for him to understand truly what everyone involved went through. My hope is that if this happens one day, that you will not see this as a failing of yours in anyway, but as a part of Sons transition to a deeper level of understanding. Or maybe I’m completely wrong – who knows? Love you.
Wise girl you are – love you too so much!
I have found that love runs out in very specific circumstances, and it usually is because of hatred. In Son’s case, I don’t think love has run out. I just think, as Anthony said, that Son needs a break. He’s 18.
True!
I’m sure your son has plenty of love for his father and that will never go away. He’s still very young and is probably protecting himself from all this pain he can’t take. It’s tough for both of you but you don’t have a choice in the situation, just how you handle it. I wish it was so much easier…
You are so right!
Love needs freedom. Not guilt. In his own way – Anthony allowed you the time and space to discover yourself. Now it is son’s turn for that time and space for discovery and rebellion. I’m sure son is also coming to terms with the possible health legacy from his father. So many fearful unknowns. A lot to deal with. Best wishes to son.
Indifference is inevitable and natural like the dormant winter season. It is not hate or indifference, but the need to conserve energy during harsh conditions you can not change and rest and repair for the seasons to come.
Brilliant words – and I love what you say about indifference – thanks again Linda!