THE JOE STORY (continued)
By this time everyone, staff and patients alike, had entered into Joe’s romantic fantasy. The story had even become part of handover and often, when I was doing an afternoon shift, I was greeted with, “You better go and see Joe, Julie – he’s been asking for you all morning.” Joe, who had always been unpopular with the staff because of his grumpiness, began to flirt with all the nurses. Sometimes I would come into the dayroom to find him holding the hand of another nurse laughing and joking. On seeing me, he would quickly let go of her hand look up at me guiltily. Later he would whisper anxiously, “Don’t worry Julie, you’re the only one I love.”
A striking repercussion of the Joe story was the way in which Joe’s sense of identity was transformed from that of a sick old man to that of a virile young man. Even though we were acting out a kind of fantasy, there was nothing unreal about the way he began to feel – happy, attentive, more involved in what was going on around him – and this was a man who, according to some of the staff, had sat for years in silence, using his voice only to yell abuse, or to cry.
…………..
The thing Joe said to me most often was, “We’ll be married in Fremantle, my darling.” He must have had a wonderful wedding, and a wonderful marriage, for this to feature so much in his conversations with me. [pgs. 10 – 12]
So that is why I entitled the book, Well be married in Fremantle. In hindsight, it was a probably a bad choice of titles because of its ambiguity, ie. it wasn’t obvious that the book was about Alzheimer’s Disease, hence it was a difficult book to categorize and market – oh well!
jmgoyder 
Julie, you have so many stories to tell and all are well told! I’m so glad you are sharing them.
~ Lynda
One more excerpt to go and that should nutshell the book I hope – ha! Thank you so much for the encouragement!
Have you thought of revising it (in hindsight of your recent experiences) and republishing under a different title?
Yes, I think that is a great idea – thank you so much for your interest. I have my thinking cap on – love your blog btw, can’t seem to keep up!
We’re coming into contact more and more with Alzheimers and Parkinsons and want to try to understand the diseases as much as we can. Personal experience is very powerful, especially as you are so very good at expressing yourself.
We do have a tendency to post rather a lot when there are lots of animals (and demanding owners 😉 and multiple trips on the go – forgive us!
Love all your posts – just can’t always comment due to time – love you guys! Hope anything I say can help with AD and PD!
Morning darling, just popping in and there you are writing away furiously. You have such a lovely style.. Don’t let me interrupt you, carry on!! c
I want to move to your farm!
loved it
Thx!
I like the title – did you have a subtitle to explain the connection?
No, stupid me! And stupid publisher (no, I didn’t say that!)
Just finished reading all four excerpts. WOW!
First off, you’re an amazing writer and secondly, regardless of what the title of the book is, I think that people should take the time to at least read the back cover before buying a book. The point of a title is to capture the readers’ attention, and I think you did that perfectly!
Thank you ElysiaK!! Juliexxx
What a good idea that was to make an old man happy again.
I copped a bit of flak at one of the conferences I spoke at after the book was published. A nurse challenged my lying to Joe – it was awkward.
There are always those people who say that it’s wrong to go along with the dementia patient and only tell them the truth. But I totally disagree with that because hope gives the person something to live for and he only had two options in his state of dementia – to be miserable for the rest of his remaining life or to be happy and you gave him that – what a wonderful gift.
I did cop a fair bit of flak for it though!
… and where is the harm? Nowhere …
I agree!
Interesting ethical question. I still think you did the right thing.
The ethics still bothers me a bit.
Love Joe’s story. My husband’s mother was supposedly manic-depressive, paranoid schizophrenic. She did have huge mood swings and was talking seriously to an invisible someone in an empty chair when I first met her, but she wasn’t your typical schizophrenic. Hers didn’t come on until she was married and 24. When John’s dad died, we tried our best to keep her happy in her own home, but we lost that battle and had to have her put in a nursing center–so that she’d take her meds. I visited her there every Thursday for twelve years, and we’d go out and spend the day together. And I met many an old person who’d tell me their life stories–all of them interesting, whether they really happened or not.
Those Thursdays must have been interesting!
This is really beautiful and so well written. Thank you for sharing with us.
You are welcome!
This is really interesting- maybe people could help Alzheimers patients relive some of the good times in their lives this way, it could turn out to be a blessing 🙂
“We’ll be married in Freemantle
Love revisited through Alzheimers”
Your title is good!
Definately remarket it Julie perhaps with a sub title indicating what it’s about – it’s very relevant today with so many people caring for loved ones with dementia, including alzheimers. It is very topical – go for it!
I guess I could contact publishers and suss out.
Just enamored with this story… yes – can somehow remarket it along with Love Story… so
It could be called Julie’s old men (sorry that was just a joke!)
The transformation with Joe is remarkable! It’s amazing what listening and compassion can do for a person.
It was the simplicity of listening that really taught me.
This is fascinating: “A striking repercussion of the Joe story was the way in which Joe’s sense of identity was transformed from that of a sick old man to that of a virile young man. Even though we were acting out a kind of fantasy, there was nothing unreal about the way he began to feel – happy, attentive, more involved in what was going on around him – and this was a man who, according to some of the staff, had sat for years in silence, using his voice only to yell abuse, or to cry.” So many implications for everyone, here!
For me it contradicted a lot of what was being said about short term memory for people with dementia.
[…] and all worth reading…. The Joe Story – Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:LikeBe the first to like […]
Alzheimers is such a terrible disease, my grandmother has it and I get very angry with my uncle and aunt who don’t visit her because they are embarressed by her or as they say “don’t want to see her like she is” me I see my nan I love her and I can’t imagine not going a visiting her me and my mum go and see nan every Wednesday another uncle & aunt go every week also in fact my aunt goes most days to help feed nan breakfast……………..
Your grandmother is so lucky to have you!