It has crept up on me a bit – not the lovely, luxurious lethargy that our birds can afford, but a more insidious, tap-dripping kind that, this week, became a pouring leak.
On Monday, Ming and I had planned to go into the local town together to do some jobs we had been putting off; I cancelled our arrangement.
On Tuesday, Ming and I had planned to go into the local town together to do some jobs we had been putting off; he cancelled our arrangement.
Today, Ming and I had planned to go into the local town together to do some jobs we had been putting off; we cancelled our arrangement.
It was the ‘together’ aspect of the above that we were both intent on doing; the job/errands didn’t matter as much. But we failed. Ming did his own thing and I did mine and we hardly spoke to each other except to express mutual disappointment – mostly his for me and I don’t blame him …
one
little
bit.
I was feeling a little desperate because I couldn’t seem to crawl out of this lethargy that is so disillusioning for Ming because he wants me back the way I was before, in much the same way I want Anthony back the way he was before. The latter is impossible, but the former isn’t and …
before
is
before.
Ming doesn’t come with me much to visit Anthony any more (visiting Anthony is about the only thing my recent lethargy hasn’t strangled), so I do that by myself but I often come home with the sadness and Ming cannot stand it and this is …
perfectly
devastatingly
understandable.
It is hard to remember when we last laughed in ways that weren’t forced or cynical or a tiny bit hysterical.
I finally got myself to do something social today and went to my neighbour’s place for a coffee. Ming was so concerned that I wouldn’t venture out that he stood on the front veranda and waved me off as if I were going to climb Mount Everest!
When I got to my neighbour’s house, we didn’t talk about my lethal lethargy because it didn’t need to be said. Instead, with her delightful daughter-in-law, we chatted about a whole array of topics and neither of these fantastic women asked me the dangerous question: How are you? I was, I admit, terrified that this question would come up and that I would cry and make a fool of myself.
My neighbour took the lethal out of my lethargy and, without even knowing she did it, injected me with her …
warm
undemanding
energy.
Thanks, Kaye!
jmgoyder 
Grief does that to you. It will pass eventually, but it sucks in the meantime.
It certainly does suck – I wish I could boost my energy. What tea do you drink – hehe!
Earl Grey – hits the spot every time 🙂
Aha! I think I have some somewhere!
Nothing quite as welcome as warm undemanding energy when you just need a break…
Yes indeed!
that is what we need sometimes–to get away from the lethargy –I find a new location with people like Kate a breath of fresh air and it sounds like it really helped
I am feeling lethargic right now and I cannot afford to – but who can – it takes its toll in so many ways
Yes, I am finding it very hard to get motivated to do anything except the bare necessities – but trying to overcome this!
I ran away to the beach with the kids to escape that same feeling and cover it up… This post makes me grateful they are still a bit young to realize when I’m having a terrible time or that my laugh has been more hysterical than authentic. Good for you for getting out and Ming for the foot in the arse in case you tried to backtrack! Hugs Jules!
Melissa – thanks so much for this. It is great to be understood. Kids really make our various struggles with this and that worth it don’t they. Yours will soon be doing that foot in the arse thing to you too unless you make them toast and vegemite (this always has a calming effect on Ming – hehe!) Juliexxxxx
I have something for you…
A hug
And while I can’t give it physically, know, I am here, holding you and we are standing, heart to heart.
And btw – tears are important. They don’t make a fool of you, they just let you let the sadness flow.
You are amazinf
The other day I cried in front of Anthony as I was leaving the nursing lodge – it just came over me like a wave and he comforted me, my amazing husband.
Julie,
Glad to hear you got out. 🙂
Not so glad to hear how you and Ming are suffering.
Ecstatic to know that Ming is mature enough to see that you need to get out that door!
Sending a big hug to you both… (((((O)))))
~ Lynda
Thanks Lynda – yes, Ming has become very bossy towards me and sometimes this works well. He is out tonight with friends so I am blissfully alone. Juliexxx
So glad that you got over to the neighbor’s for coffee, Life is like flying an airplane: you sometimes have to change altitude to stay in a calm spot, but you are always moving forward. Ming too is changing. You will find your spot together again, as you are with Anthony. I do wish sometimes that life could be like it was when it was simpler, but I know with change comes growth and new happiness.
Wow – thank you so much for this DD!
Sounds like fabulous therapy! Maybe you should incorporate more pieces of normal, such as girlfriend time, into your schedule? Seems to have stepped you out of lethargy, if only for a moment. Depression is a great thief.
I’m cheering you on, dear one. Hold tight. The Lord will neither leave you nor forsake you.
What a wise and kind person you are to even care about me when you don’t even know me – I am so grateful!
I think it’s amazing the way common situations bring people together. And for this world-away friendship, I have to thank the internet. Maybe someday we can meet face-to-face. Actually, I have several blog friendships, and I’ve met one who lives about two hours from me. She and I are great friends and talk over the phone fairly often. Another blog friend lives about 10 minutes from me. Oh what fun we have! Girlfriends are the best, but nothing like our hand-holding husbands.
On a more personal note, when my dad was in the nursing home, he wanted Mom to lie on the bed with him. Bless her heart – she wouldn’t for fear of being caught by the staff and of embarrassment. Now she wishes she would have lain on the bed with him for the comfort.
Just sayin’.
Your mother’s reaction to your dad’s suggestion is hilarious but also sensible. Several people have suggested that I go stay the night with Ants but the bed is too small and he is usually, thankfully for his sake, asleep by 7.30 to 8pm which was what he did when home with us.
Regarding what you say about the how the internet is so useful in enabling personal connections (eg. you and me) it is a wonderful thing. I hope this makes sense – am tired and going to bed. Thanks again, Wisdom! Juliexxx
i understand, that asking how are you is lethal. i think that if one person ever came to me and asked that question, i would lose it, fall apart. everything i have been bottling up to savor at a later time in life, would come bubbling out, and it would take a needle and a sedative to hush me up
Exactly!
Sounds like Kaye is a very kind, intuitive person! I hope you can visit her often!
She is lovely!
Your writing style is just so incredibly expressive. I can feel this lethal lethargy, and understand completely Julie. Try not to be hard on yourself here my friend. You are doing your best and if that means not getting those errands done or cleaning the house, it’s all ok. Your pushing yourself to visit with a friend seems like it helped ~ and for that ‘injection of good energy’ I am so happy; so maybe a little self-nudge here and there is a good thing, so long as you go easy on Julie!!! Sending Love and HUGS ~ RL
I love your phrase ‘self-nudge’ – perfect!
gentle ‘self-nudge’ 🙂 xo
ok!
Dear Julie, to visit your neighbour and spend time with them, sounds so nice and I am so glad to hear this. My words, my language can’t be good as yours to express myself or my thought too. But you know, I can almost understand you, and even your son too. Do you know what I wanted (wished) now, to be your neighbour! But then I remembered that my speaking language is worse than my writing, so it is so nice to read you 🙂 Anyway, your crazy nia loves you.
Thank you, have a nice day, nia
Thanks crazy nia! I feel as if we are neighbours – lovely.
I feel lethargic from the heat, illness and a general feeling of malaise.. it will pass so I’m relaxed about it for now.
Yeah, you guys are really having a heatwave – wow!
A beautiful post, as usual. This is especially poignant to me, as my son and I spend many hours together now. Some not so good, as we both suffer from terrible bouts of depression. I’m just getting over my latest, and you’re so right.
All I have to do is go out with my dog, and be among people. Just to do something “normal.”
I understand too what you mean when you’re afraid someone will ask the dreaded “how are you?” You’re thinking, “No, don’t ask, because you don’t want to start the avalanche.”
Thank goodness you have such wonderful friends and neighbors.
Sounds like you more than know what I mean – glad you are getting over your latest bout.
Although I have not gone through your specific situation, I have experienced the lethal lethargy creeping up on me. It is so-o-o difficult to force yourself to socialize – even though you know it will save you from that pit of despair. I completely empathize.
I seem to be fighting it off every day – argh!
Completely understandable. Picture yourself as a Superhero battling the Evil Lex Lethargy. That works for me. Not really. But it seems like it could for someone.
I will try this method – ha!
Will be back soon…
Ok
What a nice, and intuitive, friend.
Yes!
well written
Thanks Jane
It sucks when the question “how are you” will have us falling apart and my us I mean anyone par me since it is rare for me tol let my wall down you know that wall the one we as in me have around us that doesn’t let people see how I am really feeling/dealing with stuff…………..the last time I fell apart was over 6yrs ago I went for a walk and just kept walking and didn’t come home and had my daughter ring me and then my mum rang and I answered and just couldn’t stop crying…………….it was not a nice time……………………
I know what that is like.
Unfortunately, it feels as though my sisters and I have dealt with way too many people dying. The thing is, even when people die, there is still life and love and laughter. When I die, I want my daughters to drape a red and white checked tablecloth on my cheap pine casket, and I want them to spend the money they’d spend on an expensive funeral on lots of bottles of wine, kegs of beer, tons of party food, and maybe a band. I love and enjoy people when I’m alive, and I’d love to give them one hell of a party when I leave. Probably won’t happen (probably against the law), but I want people to remember the good times. Tears are inevitable, but so is laughter. Embrace your Ming.
I am very much on your wavelength here – your last sentence really got to me – thanks Judithxx
Good neighbours!
I’m lucky!
Sometimes all you need is an uncomplicated friendship to help you through the rough spots. But, when all is said and done, you always have us!
Love and hugs, Barb.
You are great!
So why is Ants the only one getting antidepressants? You might want to give them a try if many days are like the ones described here. You have to take care of yourself too!
Mmmmm – good idea!