wings and things


on September 18, 2012

I read once that the opposite of love is indifference, not hatred, and I think this makes a lot of sense. Indifference has a deceptive blandness to it, but is actually much more effective than hatred which, in my opinion, is a rather stupid emotion but does fuel a multiplicity of wars – within families, within countries, across history and geography. Hatred gobbles itself up in a futile way because it cannot forgive.

Indifference, on the other hand, is a wonderful emotional tool because you can use it to forgive and forget, and it is much gentler than hatred. The only problem with indifference is that, because it is so subtle, sometimes the indifferenced don’t  get it. I have learned these wisdoms from the antics of peafowl – ha!

Poor King. He keeps trying to impress Queenie but she just wants him to go away!

49 responses to “Indifference

  1. gennabfra says:

    The peacock theory was so not what I can relate to, lol, unexpected twist. BUT on indifference, I agree. I’ve felt that feeling before and can relate.

  2. sbcallahan says:

    you are so amazing! i can’t tell you how many sessions it takes for the average person to understand this concept. people seem to have the belief as you said that the opposite of love is hate. however, the absence of emotion vs intense emotion makes perfect sense to me.

    you are so ahead of the curve and think of all the money you are saving on therapy:)

  3. I am right with you on ‘indifference’ being a better response as an opposite of love than ‘hatred’.
    ……….. Difficult for you if there is a situation where it actually needs to be used. However, it is still a better response. I wish you luck with its application – whatever it is that has transpired 🙂

  4. It’s taking a lot more to be impressed, I ger it.. I wonder. Indifference too?

  5. Poor fellow – all that wasted energy. Damned fine show though 😉

  6. adinparadise says:

    What a wonderful display of affection on his part. She looks less than impressed. 😀

  7. I love it! What a great post and oh so true. Poor King. He is so impressive.

  8. bluebee says:

    This is very funny – to me the peacock is people who flaunt their money in that look-at-me sort of way to those of us who aren’t the least bit impressed by such things – Avian Philosophy 🙂 (I think you have another book in the making, Julie)

  9. Finn Holding says:

    Wise words Julie. Amazing what we can learn from observing other creatures.

  10. tootlepedal says:

    This reminds me of when I was young and hopeful….and disappointed.

  11. Louise G. says:

    So true Julie — and you and your birds are awesome!

  12. like the philosophy and the pics–too tired today to think beyond that

  13. dcwisdom says:

    Maybe his fan isn’t big enough…harharhar
    A very good analysis, Julie. I’ll have to ponder this a while. Thanks.

  14. Judith Post says:

    Peafowl are awesome creatures. Wise and beautiful. Sometimes, in some odd way, I think indifference actually hurts more than hatred. Maybe why kids would rather have bad attention rather than no attention.

  15. terry1954 says:

    they are such beautiful birds. are they hard to care for, do they take special feed to keep those beautiful feathers?

  16. Perfect example of indifference!

  17. Aw–and he was trying to HARD to get her attention.

  18. Robyn Lee says:

    Oh I once studied this concept too Julie — Indifference was said to be more hopeless an emotional state than hatred. If I recall – once we get past the feeling angry/hate and arrive at indifference we become basically numb to life – and that can be most dangerous.

    Now I think from comments (and peacock analogy) here though – you are using these concepts/terms differently on personal level… sounded to me more like you are trying to just “be” with what is — rather than “react emotionally” …. I am doing this as well right now. I wouldn’t call it indifference as we aren’t numb (don’t think you and I have that capacity) — but we are ‘accepting’ without the ‘emotional charge’ that will lead to chaos (likely) both for ourselves and others…
    Sorry if I went off too much here on a psyche rampage – just a hot-button topic for me.
    Sending you lots of love and support ~ xxxooo

    • jmgoyder says:

      Well that is very interesting – thank you Robyn! I hadn’t thought of indifference in the way you describe it so I am now rethinking it. I hope others comment on your comment because I am really interested in what you’ve said here. Juliexxxxxxxxxx

      • Robyn Lee says:

        made me do a little research — here is some famous quotations by Elie Wiesel … and I do wonder if this isn’t where the concept originated ~ but again – applied to family dynamics and relationships – I think we are aiming for being ‘non-reactive’ to diffuse the situation and boundary ourselves emotionally — not sure that is truly being ‘indifferent’ – but perhaps – emotionally evolved!! xxoo 😉
        Here are the quotes ~

        “The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.
        The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference.
        The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference.
        And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.”

        Elie Wiesel, holocaust survivor, author and winner of 1986 Nobel Prize for Peace

      • jmgoyder says:

        I think you are right and that is probably where the concept developed with Elie – thanks for this because it takes a bit of pondering. I actually prefer your idea of being emotionally evolved and I think you are exactly that Robyn. Thank you for your wisdom and grace – Juliexxx

      • Robyn Lee says:

        This was a good exercise/thought process for me too – so thank YOU Julie. I’m not so evolved– but hopefully one day 🙂 Today was not so good here — ended up in agony and rolling around writing a darker poem… you will call authorities if I post it I’m sure — but do you think I need to “go there” in my writing — less hopeful -more hopeless — I avoid it but wondering now what is therapeutic.. confused… any words of wisdom? xxoo

      • jmgoyder says:

        I think you should ‘go there’ Robyn because ‘there’ is what it is.

      • Robyn Lee says:

        But publicly – afraid to get readers upset and reactive — maybe I’ll work on editing it — so not AS bad to read— also wondered if maybe I need a warning post – so they aren’t alarmed…. just explaining I need to go ‘there’ every now and again… ?? confused… xo

      • jmgoyder says:

        I’m not as careful as you with posts which is why I put my foot in my mouth a bit too often! I don’t think you need to warn your readers because most of us surely know what you are up against. It may well be cathartic to state the dark side of what you are going through. Please do it Robyn.

      • Robyn Lee says:

        will think about it… showed hubby and he was taken aback – thought would upset folks… I may modify some and see — also did a self-portrait (fairly dark too).. echhh – not sure — I have a fun post about a horse shoe crab I can use instead – or right after to lighten up the mood 🙂 xxoo Thanks Sis! xo

      • jmgoyder says:

        Do whatever you feel okay about. I gotta go out for a bit – back soon!

  19. Lisa Boles says:

    So very true! I remember years ago how bitter I was after getting divorced and how angry I would get with my ex. All his shortcomings that I saw did affect our children, but in no way endangered them. My anger was very satisfying to me at the time, look how much BETTER I was than him. Why couldn’t he just do THIS like he should, instead of THAT?!
    After a few years went by and wounds had healed, I realized one day that I just didn’t care anymore about things that before I thought were so important. So he didn’t do this or that at the time, it really didn’t make much difference to the kids (I thought It would, but was wrong). I don’t wish him ill, we get along okay now. As a matter of fact, sometimes the kids say that they wish we didn’t because when we are all together the ex and I gang up on the kids and pick on them! : )

  20. viveka says:

    Some fancy feathers isn’t what a girl always wants *smile — Julie, you just gave a new meaning to – Indifference, not a word that I have used a lot … love the way you describe it.

  21. artsifrtsy says:

    Indifference can be far more devastating than hate – there’s no response for it. I feel for the poor guy 😦

  22. Fergiemoto says:

    I hope King takes rejection well.
    I think those feathers are quite impressive!

  23. ltpen315 says:

    Indifference also does not take as much energy as hatred. Poor King needs to employ it himself.

  24. That’s just sad. Sometimes I feel sorry for the men of the world.

  25. elizabeth says:

    ‘indifferenced’ hilarious word. 🙂

  26. Love the photos of the peacocks they are such beautiful birds…………and I also dislike the word hate indifference is better then hate

  27. Trisha says:

    Poor King! He’s so handsome too. I can’t believe Queenie doesn’t notice!

  28. niasunset says:

    The first and the last one, they are so beautiful photographs I loved how you took them. Thank you dear Julie, love, nia

  29. Like many a relationship in the human world 🙂

  30. Rhonda says:

    for me, this is a ‘read between the lines’ post my great Unruly. And I agree with you on all counts…especially the part about the ‘indifferent’ not gettng it! knuckleheaded @#$%^%$# that some people are. love ya

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