wings and things

Scary stuff

on September 24, 2012

When I went in to see Anthony this afternoon at the nursing lodge, he was lucid, affectionate and understanding when I had to go pick up Ming from music school to get him home in time for milking.

When I rang Anthony half an hour ago, he thought there was a riot happening and that everyone had left and he was alone. These evening hallucininatory imaginings are now pretty regular, so I then rang the staff to alert them, then rang Anthony back and there was already a nurse in the room. I tried to reassure him, but he kept saying strange mumbling things and asking me to help. I said I would be in tomorrow morning and he latched onto that.

He was scared.

I am scared.

41 responses to “Scary stuff

  1. victoriaaphotography says:

    I can well imagine how scary these episodes must be. Thank goodness there’s wonderful staff at the nursing lodge to be there so quickly when he has these ‘imaginings’.

  2. FringeGirl says:

    I cannot imagine how difficult this must be for you. I am glad you had at least a nice visit with him, although I wish all your visits were like that.

  3. I can’t imagine what that would be like: Ants so scared and you so scared and worried for him.

  4. shoreacres says:

    I’m sure what makes this especially difficult is the “sometimes good, sometimes bad” nature of things. Even if things were bad every day, at least you would know what to expect. It would be sad and difficult, but not nearly so much so as this wild swinging between “he’s here!” and “Oh, he’s not here”.

    It’s so hard to do, but I found with mom one of the best ways to cope was to nurture my own curiosity, rather than expectation. “What will today be like?” leaves a little more room for accepting what “is” than does “Oh, I do want today to be like yesterday”.

    Think of it as yoga for the mind – staying flexible’s what counts! 😉

  5. Louise G. says:

    Dearest Julie, I don’t know what words to write to help ease your burden. I don’t know how to help other than to let you know, you are on my mind. I am sending you light of love and courage, hope and strength. Blessings dear one.

  6. I have no light to send–will some hugs do?

  7. Hallucinations are a scary business. Thinking of you and Anthony.

  8. jennnadams says:

    Big hugs to you! Stand strong!! 🙂

  9. Robyn Lee says:

    Yes -the inconsistency .. has to be sooo hard. The never knowing what will be in the next moment where Ants is concerned… I can only imagine how hard that is for you dear Julie… Please hang in — deep consoling breaths – ok? xo love u!

  10. terry1954 says:

    oh Julie, that is scary indeed. I feel for you and the fears that come to mind for both of you. I can only hope that Al will not come to that point, but probably will. hang on tight to all of those good memories my friend

  11. Judith Post says:

    When my mom reached that stage in the nursing center, they gave her anti-anxiety pills in the late afternoon and that helped. It wasn’t perfect, but it was better. I hope you find something that helps Anthony. It’s so hard to see them worried and frightened–for you and them.

  12. janeslog says:

    I think you will find it is the drugs he is taking which are causing the hallucinations.

    You are also probably dreading going to see him as you will be afraid to see if there has been any decline in his health since the last time you saw him.

  13. sbcallahan says:

    this is much like a child that gets those horrible night terrors, my grandson used to get them. all you can do is reassure him and yourself that tomorrow will be better. that 50% good is just around the bend.

    bigs hugs to you from me.

  14. viveka says:

    Dear Hearts, it’s so hard to read – and my heart cries for Antony .. all alone, but you can’t be on two places .. and of course things like that happens when you’re not there. I feel you fear.

  15. diannegray says:

    It would be very scary, Julie. You must struggle between keeping him on the phone trying to calm him and leaving it up to the nursing staff to do what they do so well.

    Sending you big *hugs* and strength 🙂

  16. It’s me, your CC. I have to ask only because I don’t know and it is bothering me. Could this be a medication Jules. That it is happening almost cyclic is telling me check what he being given. It very well could be a side effect. I don;t mean to step on toes but I can read you are or were frightened when you wrote this. If not hen blood test at taht time to see if he is a blood sugar problem.
    It is no doubt none of these things but you will feel proactive and that you are doing all you can. Which sweetie you so are.
    BIG gentle hugs from you Baroness who is just a damn cheeky 🙂

    • jmgoyder says:

      Thanks CC! Ants’s meds have been altered so many times now and he was taken off the one that made him hallucinate wildly. If they take him off the others he will become bedridden so it is catch22. I just spoke to him on phone and am going in later when I pick Ming up – he sounded okay and actually remembered hallucinating!

  17. This made me thing of my pop when he was in hospitial before he was transfered to the nursing home with nan he had many times when he would think he was back in a POW camp and that the staff were staving him and trying to lock him in a cage and he would get scared and want mum or uncle Frank to take him home so he would be safe…………..You know your last post and this one have made me cry…………….

  18. Wow. Is that the disease or the medication? That must be horrifying.

  19. It must have been very frightening to him. How difficult for you to have your once strong verile husband reduced to hallucinations. What an unfair disease!!

  20. pixilated2 says:

    Once when we came to visit Bob’s mother she told us that two of the San Diego Chargers (Football team) had come to be with her when she was really sick. She said they came and sat with her at the breakfast table, put their arms around her shoulders, and told her not to worry that she would be OK, but she needed to call an ambulance and get help. She talked about that for a long time afterward, about how real it was, and that she wondered if they weren’t really angels.

    Our brain is so mysterious. We are capable of thought, emotion, learning and use so little of that vast array of synapses in the gray matter between our ears. Yet, when it goes awry, it always seems to be in the most important parts… the ones we need the most.

    It is just so unfair. ~ Lynda

  21. Lee says:

    Here is a flower for you hope this brightens your day in this trying time.
    Your Friend Lee

  22. It is awfull and scarey. I’m so sorry for all of you. Sending you lots of love.

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