jmgoyder

wings and things

Love story 123 – Keeping abreast

on November 29, 2012

By the time I was around 10, all the girls in my class started developing breasts. One by one those breasts blossomed, and wearing a bra became a status symbol. And, one by one, those girls stopped trampolining with me.

I was a tomboy, tall and gangly. So, when the bra phase started, I suffered two contradictory kinds of dread. The first was the fear of it being discovered that I didn’t have any, and the second was of getting them – breasts, I mean. This latter fear took precedence.

It was two years after every other girl in the class had proudly made the singlet-to-bra transition that my mother insisted on purchasing my first bra. On the way to the shop, I was distraught: “Isn’t there some way of stopping this?” and “What if they get in the way when I’m climbing trees?” and “Are you sure there’s a God?”

Six months later, I caught up with the other girls and, to my dismay, rapidly overtook them. Those who had temporarily abandoned me now envied me. After all, I had the biggest breasts in the class. It was horrible!

But of course I got over it and, to my surprise, I grew up.

….

Years later Anthony proposed, we got married and I immediately became pregnant with Ming. It was, to say the least, a rather quick succession of events. But the thing that happened most quickly was the growth of my breasts.

So it was with an all-too-familiar anxiety that I found my breasts transmogrifying from a size 12C – to an (eventual) 18E.

By the time I was three months pregnant, Anthony and I still hadn’t told anyone except family so we were both disconcerted to be confronted with sudden, effusive congratulations from everyone – the postmistress, the local shop owner, even the lawn-mowing man. When we tried to be evasive, various subtle and not-so-subtle allusions to the size of my breasts were made. I would cringe, feeling exposed.

On every social occasion, family get-together and even at work, I was bombarded by comments about my breasts. These varied from the hilarious to the complimentary to the lewd. But it wasn’t until a friend of my mother’s visited and exclaimed, “My God! Your mum’s right – they’re gigantic!” that I decided I’d had enough.

I glared at her, then made one of those dramatic exits that pregnant people are often forced to do, due to the insensitivity of non-pregnant people. I rushed tearfully out of the house and over to the dairy, and watched the cows being milked. (The irony of this only hit me later!)

But the dramatic exit strategy worked. I had to repeat it a few times over the remaining months, but eventually my breasts were allowed to grow in peace. Strangely, my belly hardly grew at all.

….

I thought, and hoped, that after Ming was weaned (which only took about two seconds because he wasn’t interested) I would go back to my normal size but it never happened. One of my worst memories was of Ming walking in on me in the bathroom after my shower and running away screaming “Argh – the breasticles – the horror!”

Note: For obvious reasons there is no photo to accompany this post.


55 responses to “Love story 123 – Keeping abreast

  1. camsgranny says:

    I’m sorry Julie…i can’t quit laughing. Thank you for no pictures….:)

  2. terry1954 says:

    I was getting upset with people making rude comments, and then I had to laugh my butt off when Ming made that funny comment!!!!!

  3. I wish I could relate but alas…I’m ummm still a tom boy still waiting to bloom 😉

  4. adinparadise says:

    😆 I do hope that Ming recovered. We don’t need a photo. I believe you. 🙂

  5. Gardengirl says:

    Hahaha! I was almost feeling sorry for you until your note at the end!

  6. LOL, Julie–I am there with you & bloomed huge. Glad, though, they got smaller after I nursed my two…

  7. melissakoski says:

    Oh thank you Julie…. I’m over here laughing so hard I’m crying and my belly hurts. I accidentally wore my 11 year sold bra all day by accident and never realized so that’s MY situation. (: Great post. And the bit about no photos for obvious reasons is beyond hilarious. While I was pregnant my butt immediately grew twice its size, then my hips got twice as wide, then my butt got twice as big again to accommodate my new width and so on and so forth. This post fondly reminded me of those days.

  8. bulldogsturf says:

    Sheet … I can’t relate to this just yet except in older age mine are now beginning to develop…

  9. We’re never happy, are we?

  10. People can be so thoughtless – but you made a humorous story out of it!

  11. elizabeth says:

    LOL 🙂 I was very small breasted all the way up until I was around 45. I then went from a 32a/b to a 34G Argh!

  12. SnapInTime says:

    My daughter is 11. Today was a good day for some humor on this topic! 🙂

  13. victoriaaphotography says:

    Hmmmmm!…….can’t think what to say in a comment except “I can identify with the first half of this story – maybe I SHOULD have had children to live up to the second half.”

    Hope Ming has recovered satisfactorily to the horror of it all.

  14. Robyn Lee says:

    Can realte all the way as a young girl ~ late bloomer – and then even with preganancy expansion – went back to small(but perky) ones after… can’t imagine life with really large “bresticles” — Ming cracks me up!

  15. Ah Julie, we were kindred souls…..until the ‘my belly hardly grew at all’. I went from 98 pounds to 160 pounds and produced a 5 pound baby. I also felt left out but was very much a Tomboy. I actually had a dream I had square nips on my non existent boobs. I woke and pleaded with god to let it be so just to keep me from being left behind. I did not care if they were mis-shapened! And then back to kindred souls with comments our children made with similar statements. I think we should be neighbors!! Love your post. They keep me grounded.

  16. Susan says:

    Thank you! After a fairly ordinary day, this was the belly laugh I had to have! And boy can I relate!

  17. Thanks for a huge chuckle this morning 😀

  18. I did laugh because this was a heart-touching, fun story though, I know there was pain in it, too. Granny Gee/Gloria :)))

  19. tersiaburger says:

    Thanks for my daily smile!

  20. mrs fringe says:

    😀 I’ve bounced all around this spectrum. I was an early bloomer, so though I wasn’t huge, it seemed that way at 10/11. Then I stopped growing and everyone else started. I’m a fairly petite woman, but with pregnancies and nursing… I looked like Dolly Parton from the neck down. Sadly, I’ve been left with nothing but streeeeetch marks to show for it. 😉

  21. pixilated2 says:

    Julie, I was a Tomboy as a kid, and I am still built like a Tomboy. The only time I ever appreciated being flat in front was when I was 7 and tried to slide down a big tree like the cat… OH WAIT, maybe that’s the reason!

    Seems like we always want what we don’t have. ~Lynda

  22. janechese says:

    Funny! So many stories of girls growing their beasts and the contraptions that were bought to put them in. Ming is so funny!

  23. hugr5 says:

    Oh this is TOO FUNNY. I can totally empathize with your struggle with “DA HORROR”… I so oftentimes wish I could cut mine off! They are a PAIN!!!!

    This is well written. If you slightly “spruced it up”, I bet you could get it published in a woman’s magazine. You’d have to look for the right one, though. I know that Australia has a few great feminist magazines! .

    🙂 hugr5

  24. Trisha says:

    Thank you so much for the laugh!

    I agree with hugr5. You could get this published in a magazine. Great story!

  25. I just laughed my guts off for this, this is hilarious! 😀 I’ve never actually had ‘breasts’, they’re so little I don’t even have to wear a bra. Don’t know what’s going to happen if I’d give a birth to a child, but most likely they’ll still stay within some normal measures. It’s funny ’cause the world seems to have so many rules of how a woman should look like, having an figure or a woman… I’ve never had it and I’m happy with who I am, looking like a teenage boy basically. Haha.

    Good stuff!

    -Mari
    http://ohyesshesabitchbutnotyours.com/

  26. That was funny! LOL! Loved the fact that you watched the cows being milked. Talk about irony!

  27. Judith Post says:

    Maybe you should have tried out for Baywatch. Breasts were a prerequisite. Ming is just too fun!

  28. Too funny! I don’t remember my first bra, but I do my first period. Ugh! It didn’t help when my mother intoned “you are a woman now.” Ha!

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