wings and things

False frivolity

on January 6, 2013

I just wrote a rather frivolous post about my teenage son nagging me but the frivolity was false.

He is behaving badly but is too old to put in the naughty corner (we never had one of those).

I never expected to be tongue-lashed, hen-pecked, reprimanded and nagged by my own son!

How can the same boy be both muse and monster?

He hugs me then spits venom then disintegrates into guilt, then hugs me again.

I want to say to him cruel things – I want to say he is an ungrateful wretch.

An ailing father is no excuse. I have already given Ming too many doubt benefits.

My angel child needs his wings fixed or a punch in the nose.

Teenager, normal, okay.

52 responses to “False frivolity

  1. You have written the perfect confusing characteristics of a teenage boy. A delight to read, and something all mothers and grandmothers of boys can connect to; there are heads nodding everywhere as this is read.

  2. Counseling? Tell him how it makes you feel when he does these things.

  3. kdkh says:

    Some of it is his age, but not all…. Good luck navigating some treacherous waters. As our kids grow up, we have to change our strategies to get along. Sometimes it’s a struggle.

  4. Sharon says:

    If it is any consolation at all, my normally wonderful 18 year old son is being horrid and horrible and hideous and arrogant and mean right now and I really don’t like him at the moment… Must be the planets or something.,,

  5. sbcallahan says:

    being a teenage boy does not make it alright. maybe he needs a little honesty from you.

  6. annotating60 says:

    Jewels, methinks a poetlurks somewhere in the bush near you, some past life, a doppleganger,
    or could that be you, finding all along that it’s just not peacock’s that have the wings.>KB

  7. yellowlancer says:

    Not much help right now but they do get better!

  8. Anonymous says:


    I believe there are two sides to every argument.

    Sorry, Julie, but there are.

    In Ming’s defence, maybe the only way he can ‘deal’ with the current difficult situation with Anthony is to be in control. He needs everything neat & tidy, ordered & easy – perhaps he sees your space (office) as something out of control and therefore unacceptable to his need for order. He can’t control his Father’s gradual decline, but he can control his home surroundings and that’s his way of dealing with the situation.

    (By the way, did you, by any chance, promise to ‘tidy up’ one day ?).

  9. I so know what you are going through and to tell you it is normal does not help much — but it is normal–I have been through it twice and still occasionally go through it–just love him through it–though it is supremely hard

  10. HUGS to you and MIng!

  11. I can only say that I have many pictures of the babies throughout the house and the hubby and I talk about all the cute times that we can recall. it helps tremendously get us over whatever hump the young “adults” are going through and including us in. I try to think of the saying “this too shalll pass” Hang in there.

  12. As well as being a teenage boy, life is difficult at the moment. I’m not excusing him here, just trying to see how things might be. He must feel as sad as you about the situation, and the only person he has to take it out on is you, so unfortunately you are the one who is on the receiving end of his tongue-lashings and bad tempers. The fact that he feels bad after he has behaved badly must mean that the nice Ming is still in there somewhere.

  13. mrs fringe says:

    Nods head in empathy. ❀

  14. Robyn Lee says:

    Please take comfort Julie – you are not alone!! Has been a “whirlwind” here with my girls home for extended visit ….. I will miss them now — but so get the disparity you describe ~ it’s a mixed bag of all kinds of stuff — but in the end — wouldn’t trade them — know you feel same — we can switch though – just to experience the opposite gender hormone thing — LOL ~ always wondered what it would be like to have a son around here!!! πŸ™‚ xo

  15. FlaHam says:

    Julie, I would vote for the punch in the nose, then you can kiss it and make it all better. Take care, Bill

  16. My boys nag me and know better. They reckon.

    People can only get away with however much we let them. Show me a mother who isn’t in the same boat πŸ™‚

  17. terry1954 says:

    for me raising the teens were the worst part of parenthood, don’t let him have the upper hand, he will take it and run!!!! just some advice from a mother of used to be teens

  18. Oh, the ups and downs of life with a teenager! I am not looking forward to those times πŸ™‚

  19. Northern Narratives says:

    Time will make it better.

  20. At least you only have one child to nag you I have three of them…………

  21. dcwisdom says:

    Google “fair fighting.” There are rules for fair fighting, and if you’re both agreeable, it’s a much better way of communicating and respecting each person’s space, perspectives, and opinions. Saying a prayer for you both as you work your way through this tough season and sending BIG Texas love across the waves. XO

  22. I was that type of teenager, maybe worse.

  23. Susan says:

    ‘A room of her own’ – you need it and you deserve it and he should butt out of it! Oh, and take him up on that getaway present asap!

  24. viveka says:

    have come to your posts in the wrong order – so … I know .. the punch was never need.

  25. Gardengirl says:

    Oh, how I can empathize with you on this! I have felt the very same way about my teenage (only 13) daughter lately. I gave her a much needed talking to the other night and then cried myself to sleep, because I knew I hurt her, but it needed to be said so that she could think about it. I know she did, because I actually catch her thinking before she opens her mouth now.

  26. Lynda says:

    Julie, I wanted to say something brilliant to help you, but all your other friends with children have said all the sensible things regarding how to deal with teenagers and their flip-side behaviors.

    So instead, I will tell you how much you are thought of and that I appreciate your posts and your courage. xo

  27. eof737 says:

    Teenager, normal, okay. Yes… and a talking too needed again. But normal, yes!

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