jmgoyder

wings and things

Bouncing back

on January 8, 2013

It’s a bit difficult to bounce in yet another horrible heat wave, but Ming and I saw the doc this morning, agreed to undertake some treatment, including further counselling, then went to a restaurant for breakfast.

While we were away, a father/son lawnmowing team gobbled up 5 acres of overgrowth at a very reasonable rate, so the place is once again back in shape.

Yesterday, Ming and I went to see Anthony because I hadn’t seen him for a week due to not being allowed to bring my flu into the nursing lodge. We sat outside but the scene was not BradyBunchish; Ming plonked himself at a distance, scowling, while I sat on the grass next to Anthony’s chair with Gutsy9 (the baby peacock) scurrying between us and flying on and off Anthony’s lap.

I asked Ants to give Ming a pep talk but this didn’t work because Anthony’s concentration is now so poor. Oh well, he did try! It reminded me of when he was home because he was always the buffer if Ming and I had an argument about homework or eating vegetables etc.

Anthony’s big-hearted solidity often turned arguments into hilarity and taught us a lot about bouncing back, even though he can’t bounce at all anymore.

I missed him so badly last night that I almost couldn’t bear it, but today I am bouncing back.


67 responses to “Bouncing back

  1. Tough stuff. 😦

  2. Lynda says:

    It is all so complicated. Glad you both went to counseling today. oxo

  3. You took Gutsy9 to the doc’s and to breakfast?

    You must be Gutsy10 πŸ™‚

  4. bulldogsturf says:

    I love that Gutsy9 has become a companion… just worry about will you be able to carry him on your shoulder when he’s full grown.??… now that might be difficult to bounce back from… and you will have to return to wearing a bib for the bird s..t that could be delivered at the most inopportune times….lol

  5. WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

    Bless you, Julie – I am glad you are bouncing back. Takes guts to come back to life, in such pain.

    ‘not BradyBunchish’ – I know THAT one…

  6. Anonymous says:

    Hang in there Julie.

    I’m so very glad to hear you are both doing the counselling thing. You’ve got to get things ‘off your chest’. You’ve got to talk to each other. I mean REALLY talk.

    You and Ming need someone else to ‘bounce your balls’ now that your bouncing expert (aka Anthony) can’t bounce anymore.

  7. viveka says:

    Tough stuff! Feel for Ming, I really do – he are still young and even if he know that what is wrong with Ant – it must be hard for him to completely understand and he are missing his dad too and he doesn’t understand how to deal with it. Really feel for your both. Tough thing, the heat too – I have been complaining about the rain we had more or less none stop since Boxing day – but I start to like it now reading about your heat.

  8. mrs fringe says:

    Some moments, some days, absolutely, positively suck. I’m glad you had a bounce day, and have begun a plan that will give support, strength, and maybe even some bounciness to you and Ming.
    Peace, ❀

  9. Tilly is right, you are Gutsy-10! I am so glad that you and Ming have the counseling sessions. My baby girl and I did counseling together, it wasn’t about us it was about her father but it helped us a lot because it gave us another thing we shared together. In the future I’m sure that Ming will look back and realize that he had and has the strongest and bravest mother ever. Because seriously what do we know at 19 or at 20. It isn’t until we walk in our parents shoes that we realize how much they did and do for us. I am so happy that Gutsy-9 is there in all of his cuteness. πŸ™‚

  10. don’t know how you do it, but glad you are doing it (hugs)

  11. I wouldn’t presume to offer any answers to yours’ and Mings’ issues because I’m sure there are many components…however it seems as though Ming certainly isn’t handling Ants’ illness…maybe he’s angry that his father is not ‘there’ for him…and just can’t handle the fact that he can’t speak to him …like you said Ants tried to give him a talk but he just ‘can’t’. Seeing someone you love in his condition is hard for the strongest of us…but a young person…I just don’t think can cope …at least not right now….but it may come. So it seems he’s taking out his frustration on you…which has to be hard for you because you’re kinda like….what they call the ‘sandwich’ mode…right in the middle of two individuals and you’re trying to be the peacemaker…Just some thought…Julie….Diane

  12. Robyn Lee says:

    Wish there was a way to get out out of this middle place between Ants and Ming…. it’s an added strain for you, and you have enough on your plate without that added emotional tug. Sending big hugs Julie. I am in awe of you — and this Gutsy9 pal of yours who I’m envisioning as some sort of guardian angel. xxoo

  13. TBM says:

    I’m supposed to eat my veggies. But seriously, you are a brave woman and I admire your spirit.

  14. elizabeth says:

    (((hugs))) πŸ™‚

  15. janechese says:

    You are a strong woman and I am inspired by you.Rather than distancing yourself, you are engaged with those you love and taking care of yourself…a tough balancing act.Get a kick out of reading how you take the peacock to the lodge-great for Anthony and others at lodge.Ming is Ming but he is so loyal despite his scowling times.

  16. terry1954 says:

    we live such yo-yo days don’t we

  17. diannegray says:

    You’re answer to LouAnne says it all. You’re trying to keep an old person (who is clearly very unwell) and a young person happy. You’re the link between the two and this must be very difficult for you because there’s a lot of stress and stain on that link.

    You are doing the best you can and that is all you can do. I really don’t know how you cope, – you’re a lot stronger than me!

  18. Yes it is hard to bounce back at times and the heat seems to make everything just that little bit harder……………..at least Ming went with you even if he was only there in body and not really in spirit………….kind of like Anthony he is often only there in body since his spirit is often sleeping.

  19. Does Gutsy9 ever poop on you? Because I think would find that difficult to bounce back from.

  20. Such hard times. Thinking of you all and sending love xoxo

  21. You don’t have to send me a draft first. I trust you πŸ™‚

  22. FlaHam says:

    Julie, your inter strenght is what helps you in times like this, as well as, the years of love with Ants. You will continue to bouce back, sometimes higher and better, sometimes just back. But you will, take care, — Bill

  23. Hello. Julie, I know that you are dealing with a loss through illness whereas I am dealing with a loss through abandonment. However, there are many parallels. I have been reading recently about the effect of divorce on adult children and how they are already grieving the ‘loss’ of the abandoning parent and so the abandoned parent should remain strong and as ‘normal’ for them as possible as they need the security of one parent who is the same as before.

    Recently my younger two children (aged 24 & 26) and I had some time together and we had some long chats and some of their feelings came out. In particular they wanted a return to a sense of normality, of being able to talk to me about ‘normal’ things (like their friends, or things they had done) and mostly they wanted me to be how I was before.

    The chats about the music festival you spoke of in your recent post is so typical of late teenage fun and what we have been through and shared together as a family over a number of years and it became clear to me that the younger two had been missing out and I have not been having those types of conversations with them of late. I had not been sharing with them in the stories of their ‘normal’ young adult adventures. It made me stop and think.

    Julie, I have been thinking about you while I was away and have now read your January posts. I am glad that you and Ming had your ‘chats’ about the music festival and that you are now bouncing back.

    Keep on keeping on Julie. I admire you so much. πŸ™‚

    PS My children nag me too.

    πŸ™‚

  24. Hugs. Thinking of you. Wishing I had a magic wand.

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