wings and things

Not sure….

on November 21, 2013

Tomorrow, Ming and I will go up for our final appointment with the spinal surgeon before corrective surgery is scheduled for the titanium fracture Ming caused by lifting something too heavy for his ‘new’ back. (He had surgery last February to correct a 75% scoliosis).

I am in two minds about further surgery. Okay the titanium fracture was a shock (mainly because I/we didn’t think titanium was breakable), but also because Ming has been in pain ever since – not agonizing pain, more crampy, achy pain if he has to twist, turn, lift etc.

Ming wants the corrective surgery, to hopefully solve the pain problem, but he also wants to be straight again. After the scoliosis surgery, his spine/scar/back looked almost straight and he was delighted in a double-whammy way; he was tall again and his asthma abated. He was amazingly accepting of the fact that he could never play football again, or go trail-biking on his motorbike. In fact, he has been told not to run, cycle, or even play volleyball or badminton because of the jolting effects these activities might have on his wonky back.

Now he is crooked again and he doesn’t want to be crooked.

The surgeon has already said that corrective surgery may not work so tomorrow I will be ready with some specific questions. Maybe we will opt out of further surgery – I don’t know. It has to Ming’s decision now that he is 19 – not mine.

I’m not sure….


29 responses to “Not sure….

  1. Ann Koplow says:

    Tough decision. Thanks for writing about it.

  2. That is a tough decision, I know that my cousin Babette in France who I told you about, her rod down her spine is steel I think, she is 53 now and it was put in when she was in her early teens, but she has never had to deal with any fracturing of her rod so I don’t know, this is one tough decision to operate or not. I completely understand Ming’s hope for it to resolve his pain and I completely get your fear that the doctor may be right and it doesn’t do anything. I am keeping you and Ming in my thoughts and I’m sending you tons of positive energy.

  3. Terry says:

    I can certainly understand the frustrations with the words, it may not work. What should you do? I don’t know the right answer, what if it works? but what if they put Ming through the surgery and nothing. I guess it would be a good idea to get Ming’s opinion?

    • jmgoyder says:

      I think tomorrow we will sort it out. It’s a 2 hour journey to the city so we have time to talk it out. I took this post off FB because I feel silly. Love you Terry and thanks for all of your support sis!

  4. You are a blessing to him — your thoughtful and provocative questions will inspire him to explore what is best for him. What is written on his heart — and to discern what he needs most. It won’t be easy, but whatever the decision, he will be stronger because of you walking beside him every step of the way.

    Much love.

  5. FlaHam says:

    Julie, Ming is becoming a true adult, his own man, n every sense of the word. I am sure he will seek your council, and that your words with have a significant impact on the decision he makes. I don’t think for a moment that he will “jump” to a decision. He has shown a lot of character, and has displayed the man he is becoming. You have much to be proud of, and I am sure you are. As he goes thru the decision process he needs to take the “what if” out of the equation. Just continue to be the supportive mom you are, that will help him the most. Take care, Bill

  6. mimijk says:

    Good luck … there are no easy answers to this…

  7. bulldog says:

    A difficult decision… but I suppose it is entirely up to him…

  8. ming seems to be mature and level headed, you have raised him to make the tough decisions. with you guidance he will make the best decision for him. it isn’t a matter of right or wrong, only what is right for him. will be thinking of you and sending hugs and love my friend

  9. Trisha says:

    What a scary decision to face. I hope the appointment goes well and you get some information that makes the decision easier. Hugs to you, Julie. I so feel for you, having to deal with this on top of everything else.

  10. This is a tough one, and stressful. No quick easy answer. Hoping for the best outcome for Ming.

  11. I will pray that something can be done to make him straight again and get rid of that pain!

  12. cecilia says:

    good to take a list of questions so he has all the info before going back in. Being wonky and in pain makes everything difficult, chronic pain wears on a person.. c

  13. janeslog says:

    Be guided by the doctor and take his or her advice. They know best.

    Has Ming considered a massages? I get massages at work on my neck from occupational health, as I suffer from stiff necks. I have had 3 sessions and it has made a big difference. Gail is very good.

  14. Vicki (from Victoria A Photography) says:

    I can appreciate how tough this decision might be. It’s a hard decision, but ultimately only one Ming can make.

    I opted for back surgery in 2008 because I could stand the pain no longer. Lasted about 12 months, but sitting in an office all day, it eventually came back worse than ever (to the point where it was a major factor in my quitting work for ever).

    A couple of weeks ago I got the final diagnosis on my ankle and opted not to have ankle//foot surgery to remove a troublesome tendon under my foot and re-attach it to the side of my ankle of ankle stability. The surgeon was quick to say he couldn’t guarantee or promise success and in light of serious ball-of-foot pain & numb toes (from the pressure on the back surgery site nerve roots), I decided it wasn’t worth the risk that my walking ability might decline even further.

    I couldn’t bear to be housebound.

    Ming should think very carefully. On the other hand, he is so young to be in constant pain (or back ache). In his shoes, I would find it hard to make such a decision. I suppose, depending on the prognosis, Ming could always wait a year to see if the pain settles down in time.

  15. I hope the appointment gives you more certainty on what needs to be done. Good luck and I hope it goes well.

  16. elizabeth says:

    Praying God grants you both the wisdom to know what to do and what not to do. Such a tough situation for you both Julie. ((hugs))

  17. Yes you need to have the questions written down so you can remember what to ask……

  18. That’s all that you can do….go with a list of questions…what it….what if not…..positives….negatives…. etc…. hopefully Ming will do the same…. Diane

  19. There are quite a few considerations and I hope that he is able to weigh up all options and get some relief for his pain and a solution for the straightening to his satisfaction

  20. tersiaburger says:

    Good luck dear Julie!!

  21. fgassette says:

    Keeping everyone in prayer!


  22. May you be graced with wisdom.

  23. How did the appointment go Julie?

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